


The Eve of Something New

by tharnstype



Series: Flame of Love [1]
Category: TharnType the Series (TV), เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ | TharnType: The Series (TV) RPF
Genre: A tiny bit, Aftercare, Blow Jobs, Choking, Coming Out, Coming Untouched, Developing Relationship, Dom/sub, Edging, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Face-Fucking, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Light BDSM, Light Bondage, M/M, Making Out, Mutual Pining, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Relationship Discussions, Rough Sex, Safeword Use, Smut, Spanking, Strangers to Lovers, Subspace, Tenderness, Verbal Humiliation, bc ofc there's aftercare, gulf has fantasies but is still new to things, i'll continue to tag kinks as they appear in the story, mew is a dom but he's also a softie, oblivious fools, picnic dates at the park, they start off as strangers but they can't keep away from eo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:55:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24948019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tharnstype/pseuds/tharnstype
Summary: "Phi, please.." Gulf wanted so badly to be kissed, he wanted Mew to suck bruises onto the delicate skin that covered his neck. He wanted them to undress so he could feel Mew's bare skin against his own. Gulf's neediness for this stranger was a little frightening if he was honest. Gulf didn't even know if they'd see one another again and yet right now he was desperate for this man to kiss him, touch him, fuck him."Shh baby, I've got you. I'm gonna make you feel so good." Mew all but growled against Gulf's ear. All Gulf could do was whine in response.
Relationships: Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat/Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong
Series: Flame of Love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1805563
Comments: 204
Kudos: 654





	1. Strangers

**Author's Note:**

> I'll post part 2 at some point next week (fingers crossed). There will be bdsm related content in this series so I'll say here what I've said before. practice this stuff safely! Use safewords! trust is important! aftercare is important! don't force kinks onto someone if they're not into it!

Gulf couldn't believe the situation he was currently in. Things like this didn't happen to him. He was introverted, a little awkward, and shy. Yet here he was, in the home of the handsome man he'd met earlier in the bar. From the little he'd seen of the home so far it seemed modern, sleek furniture everywhere and a distinctly minimalist feel. Realistically Gulf felt it was unfair of him to comment on the state of the decor. In his current position: pressed up against the front door, trapped there by the bulk of the man's broad body he couldn't really see much. He was instantly brought out of his thoughts when the man, Mew was his name, grabbed his wrists with one hand and successfully pinned them both above his head. The show of dominance had Gulf hardening further in his jeans, which at this point had been uncomfortable for some time.

  
"Phi, _please.._ " Gulf wanted so _badly_ to be kissed, he wanted Mew to suck bruises onto the delicate skin that covered his neck. He wanted them to undress so he could feel Mew's bare skin against his own. Gulf's neediness for this stranger was a little frightening if he was honest. Gulf didn't even know if they'd see one another again and yet right now he was desperate for this man to kiss him, touch him, _fuck him_.

  
"Shh baby, I've got you. I'm gonna make you feel so good." Mew all but _growled_ against Gulf's ear. All he could do was whine in response.

  
Mew bit down on the lobe of Gulf's ear, causing the younger man to gasp and his cock to twitch at the sharp shock of pain. 

  
"You like pain huh?" The older man murmured, looking at Gulf directly. Mew's pupils were dilated, there was a light dusting of pink upon his cheeks, and his brows were furrowed. He was so masculine and powerful, yet also strangely pretty. Gulf couldn't tear his eyes away, knowing that _he_ was having such a strong effect on a man like _Mew_ was thrilling.

  
"C'mon please, I need you." Gulf was embarrassed, he was getting needier with each passing minute. When Mew forced a thigh between his legs, Gulf's knees buckled and if it hadn't been for Mew holding him up he surely would've fell to the floor.

  
"I asked you a question. Do you like the pain? It seems like you get off on being bitten." Gulf suddenly felt exposed when the reality of what they were doing hit him, Mew's tone wasn't quite aggressive but there was a hint of authority within it, as though the man expected an answer from him. Despite the firmness of his voice, Mew's grip on Gulf's wrists loosened slightly and he backed off enough for Gulf to notice. He understood that the older man was giving him an out and it was with this that Gulf ultimately put his trust in this stranger. He felt safe in the knowledge that Mew would stop if things got too much, if Gulf no longer wanted this.

  
"Y-yes I like it Phi." Gulf's shame was only serving to turn him on further and in his desperation, he pulled Mew close again. The older man's thigh returned to it's previous position between Gulf's legs, his hands tightening their grip on his wrists again. Gulf let out a moan from deep in his throat as he began rolling his hips, it felt good but he needed more.

  
"Hey, let's take this to the bedroom. I want to fuck you." Mew was being so blunt about his desires that it caused a new wave of heat to course through Gulf's body and settle in his belly. To be so desperately wanted by such an attractive man was unfamiliar but so so exciting that Gulf allowed himself to be led to Mew's bedroom.

  
Once in the bedroom, Mew shoved him down onto the bed. Gulf found himself enjoying the man's strength more and more as the night progressed, he could only watch as the older man climbed up to join him on the bed. Straddling him. Looking down at him. His eyes were so full of _want_ that it made Gulf feel more beautiful than he ever had before.

  
Mew leaned down, carrying his weight on his forearms as his mouth finally descended upon Gulf's neck. Gulf couldn't help the whimper that escaped him as he felt hot breath ghost against his sensitive skin. Mew bared his teeth and nipped at Gulf's pulse point and the younger man cried out at the sting. He felt the man's mouth suck bruises onto the skin and the knowledge that the marks would remain there, present for everyone he knew to see, excited him so much that his neglected cock jerked. His hand reached out, his fingers tangling in Mew's hair and holding his head there, enjoying the attention he was being lavished with. 

  
Just as Gulf was starting to worry that he'd come in his trousers simply from having his neck played with Mew finally moved on. The older man ever so slowly kissed his way from Gulf's neck to his collar bones, Gulf tried to cling on to the last of his composure, it was hanging by a thread and as the man on top of him began unbuttoning Gulf's shirt, pressing further kisses all over his chest, the thread snapped. Gulf was already so far gone that when he felt yet more bruises forming on his fragile skin all he could do was moan wantonly. A tongue ran over a nipple before Mew sucked the hardened flesh. Gulf felt like he was in a fever dream, every touch from this man ignited a fire so strong within that Gulf thought he was going to combust right here, right now. He was going to catch alight in a strangers bedroom. The thought only turned him on further. Mew continued unclasping each button of Gulf's shirt, finally succeeding in freeing an expanse of smooth, tan skin. Gulf held his breath as his belt was unbuckled and his jeans were unfastened before being pulled down his slender thighs.

  
"Gonna worship every inch of you." Mew's voice conveyed the desperation the younger man knew he felt. Gulf could feel the evidence of the older man’s arousal through the fabric of his dress pants. The noticeable bulge made Gulf desperate for more skin to skin contact. Mew needed to get out of his own clothes. _Now_.

  
"Mew, I need you _now_." Gulf knew he was getting whinier, his voice raising in pitch as he lost himself to arousal. Mew ignored him in favour of creating yet more marks, this time on Gulf's thighs. A part of Gulf cringed of the thought of all the football practices he'd have to attend in the foreseeable future. His body was going to be littered in marks, some deep purple, some a brighter red. In _his_ opinion, they looked beautiful but he knew other people would probably be slightly concerned at the sheer number of them.

  
"Be good or I'll stop and call you a taxi home." Gulf didn't believe this, he'd felt the older man's erection. Mew wanted this just as badly as he did, the older man was apparently just better at hiding it.

  
As Gulf lay there, trying to calm his fluttering heart, he felt Mew remove his boxers. Gulf was now completely naked before the older, still fully dressed man's eyes. He felt vulnerable like this, despite the situation he couldn't help feeling shy. He felt hot and he could already picture the blush that was surely covering his face, ears, neck, and chest. He was laid out for Mew to have his way with. The man above currently looking at him as though Gulf was a feast and he was starving. Gulf felt too overwhelmed to maintain eye contact and so he turned his face away in an attempt to hide. Turns out that in this position hiding is hard to do. Gulf was starting to feel a little stressed.

  
Mew seemed to be perceptive, sensing the subtle shift, he leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on Gulf's mouth. It was the first action of their night together that didn't really have any heat behind it. It felt nice, gentle, safe. Gulf knew these feelings were stupid. Mew was a stranger, this was a one night stand that he was supposed to enjoy and get over by morning. Nothing more.

  
"Are you okay? We can stop, you know." Mew's voice was barely above a whisper, it felt intimate, like the words were meant only for Gulf despite the fact being that they were indeed alone in the house. They hovered in the air between the two men, were reassuring, once again he was being given a way out that he didn't really want to take but certainly did appreciate. He supposed a lot of men wouldn't be so patient in situations like this. He was grateful.

  
"No! I mean, please Phi... I want to keep going. wou- can you take your clothes off too?" Gulf figured that he'd feel better if they were on a more even playing field. The current imbalance between them was all too apparent and it was a little too much right now. Gulf naked, flushed, and exposed. Mew fully dressed, calm, and seemingly in control of himself.

  
"Yeah, give me a second." P'Mew stood up, walking towards the bedside cabinet, removing his clothes after retrieving a bottle of lube and a condom. Once Mew returned to the bed, now without clothes the mood became heated again, Gulf saw the man's cock fully hard and straining against his firm, muscled stomach, he saw the hunger in Mew's eyes had reappeared. It increased Gulf's confidence, knowing he was affecting the man before him in this way.

  
"Lie on your back, P’Mew." he commented, sultry. Mew seemed surprised at being told what to do. Gulf had a few ideas about the man's preferences in the bedroom and guessed Mew wasn't used to being given orders. It was okay though, Gulf wanted to make him feel good, just as the older man had made _him_ feel good all night up to this point.

  
As soon as Mew was laying down, Gulf's head was hovering above the man's cock. It was big, that was the first thing he noticed. He also noticed the veins that ran over the shaft, similar to the veins that ran up his arms. Gulf had apparently just picked up an appreciation for veins but he pushed the thought to the back of his mind and focused on the task at hand.

  
He pressed a gentle, teasing kiss upon the head. The pre-come that had gathered there was slightly sweet. Gulf liked it and so he licked at the slit to collect more of the slick substance on his tongue. Mew groaned softly, the sound was so arousing that Gulf wanted to draw more noises out of the man. He looked up at the handsome man, Mew's eyes were closed and Gulf wasn't going to have that.

  
"I want you to watch, open your eyes." Gulf's confidence was back. He knew he could be sexy, alluring, captivating when he wanted to be. 

  
" _Fuck_ , N'Gulf" Mew sighed, doing as he was told. As he looked down, Gulf took the head into his mouth. The image before him was obscene, the warm, wet heat that Mew desperately wanted to buck up into, the stretch of Gulf's full lips around his cock, Gulf's eyes, glazed over with desire. The older man's hand moved of it's own accord and reached for Gulf's head, encouraging him to take more of his cock into the velvety heat of his mouth. As Gulf began bobbing his head, taking more of his length with each suck until the head of his cock hit the back of Gulf's throat, making the younger man gag slightly before he quickly recovered, Mew felt his control slipping.

  
"That's enough, stop." Gulf pulled off, Mew felt the younger man looked a little too smug for someone who had drool running down his chin and tears in his eyes. He was beautiful though, Mew decided for the nth time that night.

  
Gulf threw himself forwards and allowed Mew to kiss him deeply. The older man could taste himself on the tongue inside his mouth and the thought was a little gross but it lingered in his mind for only seconds before he rolled them over so that Gulf was now the one on his back.

  
"I'm going to fuck you so good you'll never be able to forget about tonight. I'll fuck you so hard you'll not be able to walk properly tomorrow. Are you ready for me Nong?" Mew wanted this man so badly his desire was all consuming. If he was to dwell on it, he'd probably feel mildly disturbed at how strong his feelings were but now was not the time for such thoughts.

  
"P'Mew fuck please please _please_ c'mon, fuck me already." Clearly Gulf wanted this just as much as he did.

  
Gulf watched as Mew popped open the cap on the lube and poured some of the liquid onto his fingers. Despite the fact that Gulf knew this man could destroy him, Mew was surprisingly gentle during the preparation. He was considerate as he touched him. Gulf knew from experience that some men viewed this as purely a step born out of necessity, but Mew's fingers moved to find his prostate, and once they did? God, it was so good Gulf felt the tears running down his face as broken moans and whines escaped his throat.

  
"P'Mew please, I- fuck, I'm ready. C'mon _fuck me_." Mew didn't need to be told twice.

  
Quickly, he tore the condom wrapper open with his teeth and rolled it over his aching cock before grabbing the lube and applying plenty, sighing softly as he stroked himself a couple of times. He pushed Gulf down so that the younger man was laying on his back and used his arms to lift Gulf's legs before slowly inching his way inside. Gulf had said at the bar earlier that he hadn't had sex with anyone in a while, he didn't specify how long 'a while' actually was but Mew didn't want to force his way inside and hurt the man. Once he was fully seated all he could comprehend was how devastating the tightness and the heat was. He did his best to keep still long enough for Gulf to adjust to his size before _finally_ moving when Gulf tentatively rocked his hips.

  
" _Fuck_ , you're so tight." Mew was worried that he wasn't going to last very long at this rate.

  
"You don't have to hold back. I'm not fragile you know, fuck me like I know you want to P'Mew." It was as if a switch had been flicked within Mew, as soon as the words were out of Gulf's mouth Mew's hips picked up their pace, fucking into the body beneath him harder and faster. Gulf was clinging to him and Mew must've tilted his hips just right because Gulf was now moaning so loudly with every thrust. The noises pouring out of the man beneath him, the slapping of skin against skin, their heavy breathing, and Mew's own sighs were deafening in the once silent room. Mew loved it. 

  
As he felt himself quickly approaching his climax, he grabbed at Gulf's wrists and held them down against the bed. If his reactions earlier that night meant anything, Mew had a feeling this would help Gulf along a little. He wanted to make Gulf come first, wanted to make him feel good. He didn't want this night to have been a waste of Gulf's time. He didn't even know why he suddenly felt so self-conscious. Gulf was a stranger and this was clearly just going to be a one time thing. Nevertheless, he pinned Gulf's wrists down and slammed his hips against the younger man so roughly that the man below him seemed completely gone now.

  
"ah! ah! ah!" Gulf was _gone_. He felt so good that he could only lie there and take whatever Mew was going to give him. When the older man grabbed for his wrists, Gulf felt a rush of pre-come leak from his cock. He was so close, mere moments away from his orgasm. Just a little more and he'd be there.

  
"Oh fuck Mew I'm gonna- oh god I'm- fuck I'm coming." His cock, which had remained untouched, finally released ropes of come that arched messily through the air before splattering over his chest and stomach, Mew fucked him through it and although he was gradually beginning to enter oversensitivty territory, Mew had yet to come and so he focused his pleasure riddled brain before speaking.

  
"Do whatever you need to do Phi. Use me, I don't mind. I want you to come while you're inside me." Hearing the words was what ultimately did Mew in, he fucked Gulf with messy, uneven thrusts before releasing into the condom with a gasp of Gulf's name.

  
For several moments, the only sound in the room was the two men trying to catch their breaths. Mew stood up to dispose of the condom. He stumbled into the bathroom and brought a warm, damp cloth to clean Gulf and himself up with. 

  
While Mew was gone, Gulf was given a painful reminder of why he didn't do one night stands, what was he supposed to do now? Did he start getting dressed? Would it be presumptuous to think Mew would want him to stay the night? He didn't even know what Mew's plans for tomorrow were, what if he had be somewhere early? Gulf felt awkward and out of his depth. He didn't have the number to any taxi companies and he wasn't going to call Mild to pick him up from a stranger's house at 1:15 am after he'd just had sex with said stranger. Gulf was so caught up in his worries that he hadn't even noticed Mew had returned.

  
He sighed happily, for a brief moment forgetting all the thoughts that had just been swimming around his head as he let himself be cleaned up. Mew's touch was gentle, especially as he reached between Gulf's thighs to clean the remnants of lube from his hole. The young man whined as Mew worked, still sensitive from his orgasm. He looked cute, Mew thought.

  
"I know it's uncomfortable, but you'll regret it later if you don't clean up now." He said softly, keeping his touch as light as he could manage. When he was finished cleaning them, Mew went to his drawers and pulled out a fresh pair of boxers, grabbing a pair for Gulf since his were also covered in pre-come from earlier. He was about to climb into bed, sated and happy but something seemed off.

  
"Hey, are you alright?" He asked, trying to sound soothing. He hoped he hadn't hurt the younger man.

  
"Do you want me to leave?" Gulf asked, he sounded small and insecure and it surprised Mew.

  
"No, I- it's late, if you want to go I'll you a taxi but it'd be safer for you to stay here." That seemed to be the right answer. Gulf visibly relaxed and Mew couldn't help but smile as he climbed in next to the younger man.

  
"Thank you, I had fun tonight Phi... I- I meant what I said earlier too you know? You really don't have to hold back. If we ever do this again I mean, you can be rough with me. I um, I like that Phi." Gulf was willing himself to shut up but the words wouldn't stop tumbling out of his mouth. He was so embarrassed but he wanted Mew to know, just in case there was a slim chance of them doing this again some time. Gulf tried not to be too hopeful as he waited for Mew to answer.

  
"Hm, I'll bare that in mind for next time then." Gulf couldn't stop the smile from appearing on his face at the words. P'Mew really wanted to do this again sometime? He hoped he wasn't about to wake up in his own bed, all alone to have learned this was a dream. P'Mew was one of the few men he'd done anything like this with, no one had made him feel this good before. He suddenly felt very sleepy, trying and failing to stile a yawn.

  
"Hey, get some sleep. We can talk about this over breakfast tomorrow, okay? You'll be here when I wake up, right?"

  
"Of course I will! I wouldn't leave even if I wanted to, your bed is much more comfortable than mine." Gulf answered with a shy giggle.

  
"Using me for my bed, I see how it is." Mew couldn't help but laugh too. Nong Gulf really was too cute. 

  
"Not just for your bed Phi! You're really warm! Handsome too, I feel like I could sleep here all night and you'd protect me." Gulf once again begged himself to shut the fuck up. He was being weird. P'Mew would think he was way too clingy at this rate.

  
"Of course I'll protect you, no one will hurt you here. Let's sleep, hm?" Gulf felt strong arms encircle him and Mew's breath on the back of his neck. He sighed happily as he drifted to sleep. They'd surely have things to talk about tomorrow, but for now he was going to enjoy tonight in Mew's arms. He hoped they wouldn't be strangers for long.


	2. chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mew and Gulf have an important conversation, and in doing so, prepare to take the next step in their relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this chapter is short, but it's important considering the nature of the relationship they're gonna have and so I wanted to write it before things progress and they have more sex. It should give some ideas about the sort of kinks that may be part of the story, although tbh I haven't written any further chapters yet so idk exactly what kinks will be included in further chapters. lmk if there's any specific kinks u'd like to see i guess :)

Sunlight peaked through the blinds, casting the room in a soft glow. Gulf awoke and felt satisfied, warm, happy. Mew's bed was comfortable and the older man's sleeping presence was oddly comforting. Gulf reminded himself that the man next to him was still a stranger to him. He wanted so desperately to keep his heart in check, what if the man woke up and decided he never wanted to see him again? A part of him was scared of the intensity of his feelings towards Mew. 

  
......

  
He'd only met the man the night before. Gulf had went to a local bar with friends. Being honest, he hadn't even wanted to go. The new semester had just started and already he was inundated with work, He'd been tired and frustrated and so all he really wanted to do was relax at home by himself. After much nagging from Mild, Boat, and Eye he'd finally been convinced to go out. Shortly after arriving Gulf was already regretting his decision. Mild and Boat were all over each other on the dance floor while Eye was talking with a girl and Gulf didn't want to be the third wheel there and so slipped away to the bar. His plan was to have a few drinks and then go home and enjoy the rest of his night quietly.

  
That _had_ been the plan, before _he_ walked over. Gulf had never believed in love at first sight, but right now? His breath was caught in his throat, he couldn't tear his eyes away. The man who had just sat beside him was stunning. He was masculine yet he carried himself with such a powerful elegance and Gulf was _captivated_. 

  
"Can I buy you a drink?" The man asked him and for a moment Gulf thought he was dreaming. Handsome strangers _did not_ approach Gulf and offer to buy him drinks. He decided that if this was a dream, it was the best one he'd had in his life. If _this_ man wanted to buy him a drink, Gulf was going to let him. 

  
When the man offered to take him home, Gulf was powerless to resist. He was magnetized to this man, he _wanted_ him. He had never felt this much desire for another person in his entire life. 

  
......

  
Mew shifted slightly, before reaching out and pulling Gulf towards the heat of his body. The man sighed groggily as he himself woke up. He was cute, Gulf thought. 

  
"Hey," Mew spoke, his voice low in the quiet room. The magic of the moment not breaking but just increasing further. Gulf murmured softly in response.

  
"Do you wanna get breakfast?" 

  
"Yeah, yeah okay."

  
He watched as Mew stood up, wearing nothing but boxers, and felt a spike of desire as the image brought back memories of the night before. Gulf suppressed the thoughts and eventually dragged himself out of bed. 

  
Now dressed in Mew's lounge clothes and sitting down at the dining table, the two men were eating the pancakes Mew had prepared. Gulf knew what conversation was going to come, he was nervous but ready. 

  
"So... about last night..." what surprised Gulf the most was that Mew himself seemed a little nervous. It was such a stark contrast to the confident man who was brimming with dominance and power the night before. Seeing him look shy reminded Gulf that Mew was human, that he wasn't flawless, that he had insecurities just as Gulf did. It gave him the confidence to face this conversation head on.

  
"I had a good time P'Mew," Gulf said and he _meant_ it. He wanted Mew to know that he didn't regret the previous night, that the older man had made him feel good.

  
"Was I too rough? Did I make you uncomfortable?"

  
"P'Mew, I _liked_ it. I wanted it, I'd have told you if I wanted to stop. I think our interests are actually more complimentary than you realise." Gulf realised he was going to have to admit to his lack of hands on experience with men like Mew. He wanted to be honest, it was important he felt if he hoped to have a future of any sort with Mew. He may lack experience right now, but he knew that Mew could show him things, could teach him so much. 

  
"What exactly are your interests?" Here we go Gulf, you can do this.

  
"I liked it when you pinned me against the door, I liked your strength. I liked it when you bit me... the pain was good. You made me feel small but Phi I liked it. I want to try more things with you. There's a lot I want to try with you."

  
"Yeah? what are those other things?" Gulf was embarrassed, Mew was looking at him and he was was painfully aware of how shy he was, how his face was flushed red. Gulf pulled himself together and went for it. It was now or never.

  
"I- there's a lot I haven't tried. You're one of the first people I've done anything like this with before. You're strong, you could be rougher with me. You could spank me, choke me. You could restrain me and edge me. Your voice is so deep, you could talk down to me, make me feel small. Sit there fully dressed and tell me what to do, tell me how to make you feel good." Gulf had never felt so exposed before, he felt insecure. What if Mew thought he was too immature? What if his lack of experience was off putting? When he finally felt brave enough to look up at the older man, Gulf was surprised by the softness he saw in Mew's face.

  
"What _aren't_ you interested in?" Mew felt a little awkward questioning the younger man like this, but it was a conversation they needed to have. Especially considering Gulf's obvious lack of experience.

  
"Just nothing too gross or weird I guess? I promise I'd tell you if I was uncomfortable with anything." Gulf _knew_ there was porn out there that was too extreme, too disturbing for his tastes, but he thought that if if he was to sit here and list every single gross thing out there it'd only make Mew want to never contact him again.

  
"What's your safe-word?" Mew asked him and Gulf felt a little stupid for not even having thought of one.

  
"I don't know, I thought I'd just say stop if I wanted to stop?" 

  
"If we're going to do this, you'll need one. A lot of people use a colour system. Green is good, yellow is pause, red is stop. You could use this or pick a random word but I need to know." Gulf decided to go with the suggested colour system. It made sense and was easy to remember, he told Mew as much.

  
"I er- what should I call you when we're doing stuff?" Gulf was proud of himself for getting over his shyness, even thought he felt a little out of his depth.

  
"You can call me whatever you're comfortable with, I don't mind, as long as you feel comfortable." Gulf was surprised by how reassuring Mew was, he guessed it made sense that someone could be dominant in bed but caring in day to day life. He was reminded of how gentle Mew became after the sex last night and found himself liking the differing sides of the older man's personality. 

  
"Okay Phi, I guess that's everything then?" 

  
"We should talk about boundaries but we don't have to do that right now, I don't want you to be overwhelmed. I also have to leave for work in two hours so it's probably best that we get showered and dressed, here's my number though, message me whenever you want. I can give you a lift home before I go to work if you want. Are you okay?"

  
"I'm good Phi, and thank you, I feel better now that we've talked. You can drop me off at Chula if it's not too far out of your way, I don't want to be a bother."

  
"You're a student?" 

  
"Yeah, I'm a third year education student." 

  
"I'm a PhD student there, I teach advanced statistics to first years too. I can take you when I leave for work." Mew continued to surprise Gulf, not only was he handsome and experienced, but he was intelligent too. Gulf felt himself falling a little more for older man with each new piece of information he learned about him.

  
......

  
"What happened to _you_ last night? I know you didn't go back to your dorm so where did you end up? Eye said she saw you talking to a guy."

  
Gulf got to class and was bombarded with questions from Mild, he felt himself blush for the second time that morning. He decided it'd be best to simply tell Mild he'd met a guy and went home with him without any elaboration, assured him he'd give more details later. Once his friend's curiosity was satisfied, the lecture passed without incident. He wanted to message Mew but he decided against it for now. He was worried about coming across as desperate and so he tried to get through the rest of the day without thinking too much about the older man. He was proud that he'd managed to get through a full day of lectures but as he lay in bed that evening, Gulf found himself missing Mew. His self-control faltered.

  
**Gulf: are you available this weekend?**   
_**P'Mew: I can be for u** _   
**Gulf: can I see u on saturday night?**   
**_P'Mew: of course sweetheart, i'll pick u up at 6pm? let me know ur address_ **   
**Gulf: ok Phi, thank u xx**

  
Gulf felt the warmth spread through his chest, it was Wednesday now, meaning that in just three more days, he'd get to have another night with P'Mew. He was happier than he'd been in a while, he realised as he settled down in bed for the night.


	3. chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They have sex in this chapter, there's talk of subspace towards the end of the scene. gulf has a praise kink, there's choking in the mix but imo it's nothing too extreme and consent is given before hand ofc

Gulf was buzzing with a nervous energy. It was finally Saturday evening, he'd just showered and was now waiting for Mew to pick him up. They hadn't been in contact since their brief interaction on Thursday night, and Gulf was excited to see the man again. His thoughts ran wild as he imagined the things he and Mew would do tonight.

  
_**P'Mew: i'm on my way to pick u up now xx** _

  
Upon receiving the message, Gulf shoved a toothbrush, phone charger, deodorant, and fresh clothes into an overnight bag and tried his best to wait patiently, playing a game on his phone to pass the time.

  
It was twenty minutes later when he was startled by a knock on the door. He managed to collect himself before eventually answering, when he did his breath caught in his throat. Mew looked _stunning_ ; his soft hair was styled messily, fringe covering his forehead. He was wearing a simple black shirt, the sleeves rolled up to reveal his strong forearms and the top few buttons undone. The dress pants he wore clung to his thighs _just right_. 

  
"Hey, you look good," Gulf heard the warmth in Mew's voice and saw the soft smile on the older man's face, he could already feel himself wanting Mew for more than just the sex. He pushed the thoughts of them going on dates, watching movies together, and spending domestic afternoons together to the back of his mind. Now was not the time.

  
_'Get a grip on yourself, you're not his boyfriend. The two of you barely know each other.'_

  
"So do you Phi," realistically Mew looked more than just _good_. Gulf felt that he'd combust if they didn't get moving and so he grabbed his bag and coat, signalling that he was ready to leave.

  
......

  
They'd reached Mew's home a few moments ago. Gulf had been quiet the whole drive there and Mew was a little concerned. Maybe Gulf just wasn't much of a talker but he wanted to be sure the younger man was okay, he didn't want Gulf to feel forced into anything, didn't want him to feel used.

  
"Make yourself at home," Mew gestured to the sofa, "do you want a drink?" 

  
"I'm okay Phi. Will you- will you sit with me?" Gulf was annoyed at himself for being so needy already. Mew moved to sit next to him and instantly he felt soothed by the presence of the older man. Gulf found himself relaxing as Mew effortlessly eased them into conversation. Gulf learned that Mew liked collecting toy figures, the man loved music and Gulf suddenly wished he shared the same passion for it because he wanted to listen to the man talk about his favourite songs and artists all night but with his limited interest there was only so much he could contribute to the conversation. He also learned they had a shared fondness for gaming, he felt a rush of happiness as they agreed to game together sometime in the near future. Gulf shared his love of football with the older man as Mew listened attentively.The older man's efforts to make him feel comfortable had not gone unnoticed. Mew was patient, kind, understanding and as they talked all Gulf's previous nervousness had melted away, replaced by comfort and want. He wanted Mew and he was beginning to realise that he didn't have to feel ashamed of his desires, of the things he wanted this man to do to him. Mew would never make him feel embarrassed, not outside of the bedroom at least.

  
"We don't have to do anything, you know that right?" The older man asked him. Gulf _did_ know this, if sex was _all_ that Mew wanted then they'd surely have been in his bed a while ago by this point.

  
"I know, I _want_ to though. I want you, P'Mew," Gulf heard the older man mutter a curse and suddenly hands had a firm grip on his waist, pulling him onto Mew's lap.

  
"Will you be good for me tonight?" Mew's tone changed from gentle into something more authoritative and Gulf was powerless to resist. He wanted so desperately to be a good boy for the older man. To please him. To submit to him.

  
" _Yes_. Yes I'll be good for you Phi." The mood had shifted into something darker, more intense. Gulf felt the tension in the air, the electricity that crackled between them. He could only sigh as he felt Mew pick him up and carry him into the bedroom.

  
.......

  
"What's your safe-word?" Mew asked him. Gulf was stood in the center of the warmly lit room and honestly he could barely think straight but his brain thankfully did provide him with the answer Mew was waiting for.

  
"Red, Phi."

  
"If you can't get it out verbally, tap me, hit me, push me away. Do whatever you need to do, okay?"

  
"Okay, Phi. I promise I will."

"What is your colour right now?"

"It’s green, Phi."

  
As soon as the words left his mouth, the switch within Mew flipped again, just as it had the last time they had sex.

  
"Strip," the man commented from his seating position on the bed. Gulf felt himself flush at the coldness in Mew's voice. He sounded almost disinterested but his blown out pupils assured Gulf otherwise. Knowing the affect he could have on the older man gave Gulf the confidence to start removing his clothes. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to be sexy right now, he didn't want to look like he was trying too hard and so moved slow, teasing. Mew wasn't telling him to hurry up and he could _feel_ the older man's eyes all over him. Gulf brushed his fingertips against bare skin as he unbuttoned his shirt. He looked up at Mew as he slipped the thin material off his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. He shimmied his hips slightly as he rolled his jeans down his thighs. Standing before a man who had so much control, so much self-restraint, someone so powerful and dominant in nothing more than his boxers made Gulf feel small, exposed. It was a feeling he was coming to love.

  
"Did I tell you to stop?" Mew asked, his tone a combination of bored and mildly annoyed. Gulf felt the blush spread to his chest as he removed the last piece of fabric on his body. 

  
"Good boy," the small bit of praise brought a feeling of pleasure so strong that Gulf couldn't contain the small noise that escaped his throat. Mew hadn't even touched him yet and he was already losing his mind, he felt hot all over and his cock was straining upwards against his stomach.

  
"Come here, get on your knees," Gulf moved towards him like a moth to a flame. Kneeling between Mew's spread thighs like this was intoxicating. Everything about Mew in this moment screamed dominance. Mew was fully dressed, he looked so sophisticated and handsome. Gulf wondered if the man above him felt as composed as he appeared to be, he hoped not.

  
"Take my cock out and suck. Show me how much you want me." It was with shaking hands that Gulf reached to unbuckle the man's belt before unbuttoning and unzipping Mew's trousers. The older man lifted his hips slightly to aid in getting the material far enough out of the way to expose his cock. Gulf felt his mouth water slightly at the sight of it. Mew was big, the length and girth were perfect, by Gulf's standards at least: there was a slight curve as his cock strained upwards, it was an angry red and pre-come was already leaking from the slit. Gulf gasped before lowering his mouth and tentatively licking at the head, savouring the slight salty flavour. The noise Mew made was barely audible, and if the room they currently occupied wasn't otherwise silent Gulf would've missed it but he heard it and it spurred him on further. He sucked lightly at the head, swirling his tongue around the hot flesh before slowly managing to take more and more of the man's length into his mouth. 

  
Gulf felt fingers grip his hair and he prepared to have the cock in his mouth shoved down his throat. He was surprised to feel the older man's free hand cup his cheek, he looked up and saw the hesitation in Mew's eyes. Gulf appreciated the man's constant desire to seek consent and so to show his comfort with the situation they were currently in, he took Mew's entire length deeper into his mouth. The fingers in his hair gripped harder, holding him in place as Mew thrust his hips forward, his cock repeatedly hitting the back of his throat and Gulf was starting to feel floaty. He couldn't explain it but it felt good to be so powerless, all he could do was focus on breathing through his nose as the man above him took control. Just as it was becoming too difficult to breathe Gulf's head was pulled back and he took heaving breaths, taking in as much oxygen as he could. Tears were streaming down his face. There was drool all over him, it had ran down his chin and was on his chest and the floor. Gulf felt dirty, ashamed of himself for how hard he was. It felt wrong to be getting off on having a cock down his throat until he could barely breathe. More tears poured from his eyes and this time, they weren't the product of a lack of air but from shame.

  
"What's your colour?" Mew asked, this was the softest his voice had been since they entered the bedroom. It was comforting and Gulf would forever be grateful that even when he was dominating him, Mew could be gentle when he felt it was needed.

  
"G-green, it's green daddy," Gulf managed to croak, his voice horse. He hadn't planned to address Mew that way, the word just slipped out and Gulf found that he didn't hate it. Mew _had_ said that Gulf could refer to him as whatever he felt comfortable with when they had _the talk_. The fingers that had previously been pulling his hair were now softly stroking his head, it felt nice. Mew pulled him up onto the bed and manhandled him so that he was on his back, propped up against the pillows.

  
"You did such a good job, you're so good for me. I'm proud of you," the words affected Gulf in ways he couldn't explain. He'd been so focused on Mew's pleasure before but now he was reminded of how hard _he_ was, it was aching and he hoped Mew would take care of him soon.

  
His prayers were answered, it seemed, when Mew went to the bedside table and grabbed a bottle of lube and a condom. 

  
"I'm going to fuck you now," Gulf shivered as the older man spoke. The way Mew stated the words so matter-of-factly was thrilling. The only clothing Mew had removed was his shoes, the obvious imbalance in power lingered in the air around the two men. Gulf was ready to take whatever Mew was about to do to him.

  
"Prepare yourself for me, give me a show so I can see how desperate you are for it." Gulf was burning up, he felt humiliated yet his cock twitched and oozed a stream of pre-come. He distantly thought about pathetic he was in the moment, his need to please Mew clouding his mind and erasing his ability to think rationally. He could probably come from this, from hearing that deep voice humiliate him like this, that fact itself, that he was needy, so desperate to be talked down to, made to feel small made his cock jerk and a moan escape his throat.

  
Gulf reached for the lube, opening the bottle and pouring some of the viscous liquid onto his fingers. He felt shy but was sure that he wanted this, he wanted Mew's praise, wanted the older man to look at him with desire in his eyes. Gulf took a deep breath, spread his legs and let his fingers brush against the soft, tender skin at his entrance. He gasped softly as he slipped his index finger inside, one finger quickly became two and Gulf whined as he hit his prostate. His eyes slipped closed as he lost himself to the feeling.

  
"Hey, eyes on me," Mew commented, his tone of voice firm. Gulf felt instant regret and a need to redeem himself. He locked eyes with Mew as he touched himself and felt himself getting closer to the edge. His skin prickled as the pleasure continued to build within him, it turned Gulf on to know that what was usually just preparation, something many men he'd been with rushed through before getting to the man event was now almost a show. Here, with Mew, it was something that both of them were able to enjoy, it was something that highlighted his lack of control in this situation: he was doing this because P'Mew asked him to and he knew he'd stop when the older man told him to. Despite feeling powerless, Gulf also felt desired as Mew watched him, the older man's eyes fully dilated and filled with pure want. The older man moved from his previous position at the end of the bed so that he was now leaning over Gulf. The younger man had noticed earlier that he was actually a little taller than Mew, so he was impressed that Mew effortlessly made him feel physically small. The older man was bulkier than Gulf, Mew's body had more muscle mass, was broader compared to Gulf's more slender frame. Just another thing that added to the power imbalance between the two men.

  
"Stop, that's enough," Mew's authority was evident and Gulf whimpered as he pulled his fingers away. He was frustrated at the sudden emptiness but hearing praise being directed at him in that deep voice, tone roughened with lust, was more than worth it.

  
"Good boy," Mew murmured against the skin of Gulf's neck, before he briefly pulled away to roll the condom down his cock and smear some lube over himself. Gulf quickly realized that Mew had been gentle last time because this time he shoved his way inside with little warning. 

  
"Oh God. _fuckfuck **fuck!**_ " Gulf felt himself slipping further and further from rational thought, the floaty feeling from before coming back in full force, threatening to pull him under into a sea of pleasure so powerful his eyes rolled to the back of his head. Mew's hips were ramming against Gulf with so much force the bed frame was banging against the wall. Every sensation Gulf felt was heightened so much that Mew's fingers trailing towards his neck was pleasurable in itself.

  
Mew's hand eventually reached Gulf's throat and applied the slightest pressure. The action brought Gulf back to reality for a moment.

  
"What's your colour? Answer me."

  
"It's- fuck, it's green. Daddy, **_please_**." Gulf was barely coherent but the words were apparently good enough as Mew's previously loose grip on the sides of his throat tightened- effectively cutting off his airflow, the older man let go after several seconds to allow Gulf to suck in air before his hands returned to his neck moments later and squeezed again, the process was repeated multiple times and Gulf felt himself tumbling towards climax. The feeling was indescribable, overwhelming. Gulf felt like he was outside of his own body, he could only lay there limply and take everything Mew was willing to offer him.

  
"Hey, Gulf?" He heard Mew speaking but was too far gone to respond, he felt as though the older man had put a spell on him, the trance like state so strong it had taken over Gulf's mind.

  
" _Shit_ ," Mew muttered, he suddenly felt a surge of possessiveness and a strong need to protect. He'd experienced plenty of partners fall into subspace during sex and the response he felt was always the same. Ultimately when a person was submitting and reached subspace, they were unable to think clearly. Mew felt that in these moments, he held a responsibility to take care of his partner, to ensure their safety was the number one priority. He was the one dominating Gulf, it was down to him to not only make Gulf feel good, but to also guide them through this scene safely. While previously, a good amount of his focus had been on his own pleasure, now it had to be almost exclusively on N'Gulf. He let go of the younger man's throat, knowing that his ability to express discomfort was affected, and watched the man's face closely as he fucked him. Mew reached for Gulf's cock and stroked him in time with his thrusts, wanting to make the man beneath him come. It didn't take much.

  
"Ah clo- _ah ah ah!_ I- I'm _sorry_ I- gon-" Gulf tried desperately to warn the older man, he didn't want to disappoint him but he could barely get the words out. Mew had began jerking him off and it felt _so good_ that Gulf was consumed by a pleasure so intense it was blinding. After a few moments he stumbled over the edge he'd been dancing along for so long. Distantly, he heard Mew curse as the older man let go himself.

  
......

  
After coming, Mew pulled out and threw away the condom before turning his attention towards the younger man laying on his bed. He pulled Gulf towards his body, helping him sit up enough to drink from the bottle of water he'd left out on the bedside table. He watched as the man emptied the bottle in a few large gulps. 

  
"Hey, come back Nong," Mew spoke softly, his voice filled with a gentle warmth as he ran his fingers through Gulf's damp hair. He reached for the throw blanket on the end of the bed and wrapped it around Gulf, who despite being covered in a thin sheen of sweat, was shivering. Gulf gradually seemed to be regaining awareness of where he was and shuffled closer to the man beside him, hiding his head against Mew's chest, he sighed softly as strong arms held him close. He felt funny, as though he'd just regained consciousness, despite having been awake this whole time. He was exhausted, utterly spent and he cried in Mew's hold.

  
"Shh, I've got you. I'm here, Phi isn't going anywhere. You did so good Nong, such a good boy for me. Amazing, you're amazing Gulf." The words were so soothing that eventually, Gulf's sobs petered out and he felt himself relax. He'd felt so overwhelmed before, but now he was so tired, so much so that it was physically weighing him down. 

  
"Don't leave me," Gulf begged in a timid voice. Being in Mew's embrace was so good, so comforting that he didn't want the bubble to break. He wanted to stay like this forever.

  
"I'm staying right here with you, it's okay Nong," the man whispered before pressing delicate kisses against Gulf's head. Each kiss, each gentle caress, each softly spoken word of encouragement soothed him and he felt so grateful. It surprised him how suddenly the man shifted from dominant to soft. After maybe half an hour of being comforted like this, Gulf gradually began to feel more settled.

  
"Hm, thank you," Gulf sighed happily, basking in Mew's attention. He liked being held like this, he felt safe. His emotions were still all over the place, but he wanted Mew to know that he was okay now, that his patience and care had calmed him. He wanted the older man to know that he had no regrets.

  
"Thank you for tonight Phi, I- it was nice."

  
_'Nice? Is that the best you can come up with?'_

  
"How do you feel? I lost you for a while."

  
"I feel good now Phi, I'm tired but good. I - it's hard to explain how I was feeling before, it was like I was in a trance. I wanted to speak but I couldn't get the words out. It was a little bit scary but I liked it? It felt like I was outside of my own body. I've never felt like that before. I'm sorry for crying, I really did like it, I just felt overwhelmed afterwards." Gulf was proud of himself for being so open with his feelings. Usually he struggled with things like this, but he could already tell how much the older man appreciated honesty. He never wanted to disappoint Mew, didn't want to let him down.

  
"It's normal to feel like that, you fell into subspace, I promise it's normal when you're being dominated. And you never have to apologise for crying. _That's_ normal too, it's an overwhelming experience so if you need to cry in order to let it all out, then cry as much as you need to, I'll be right by your side until you feel better." Gulf's heart was betraying him, fluttering in his chest as Mew's words washed over him. 

  
"Thank you Phi. Are you busy tomorrow?" Gulf asked as he snuggled even closer to the older man's body. He _knew_ he was taking a risk here, there was a high chance Mew only wanted to keep things sexual but Gulf hoped that the older man would at the very least indulge him in a casual breakfast at a local cafe, a simple coffee, _anything_. He'd take whatever he could get.

  
"I have some papers to read over but they can wait, I'd rather spend the day with you." Mew wasn't usually the type to meet a guy in a bar and then fall in love with him after less than a week, he _really_ wasn't. Which was why his feelings for Gulf were concerning, to say the least. Gulf was cute, _so_ cute. Mew liked cute. Gulf was also kind, smart, passionate about his interests. He couldn't explain why, but Mew wanted to know him better, he didn't want their arrangement to be casual. He wanted strings to be attached. He hoped they could get to know one another better.

  
"I know a cafe that's not too far from here. It's quiet, I go there to study sometimes. They're open on Sundays, the food is good." Gulf was shy but Mew had just said he wanted to spend time together. The older man could've made up an excuse to get out of it but he didn't! Gulf felt a spark of hope and he sighed happily as Mew made a noise low in his throat.

  
"Let's go there tomorrow, I'll treat you to breakfast, we can come back here when we're finished? Or there's a park I like to go to sometimes, it's really pretty Nong, I can show you if you want?" 

  
"I'd like that, Phi," the smile that appeared on the older man's face was beautiful. Gulf hoped to see him smile many more times in the future.

  
"Then that's what we'll do. Right now though, let me grab a cloth to clean you up and we'll get some rest. You must be exhausted sweetheart."

  
"Hm, I'm sleepy. Don't leave me alone for too long," Gulf giggled, he still felt clingy but the desperate need to have Mew by his side had lessened significantly, now he just felt an easy happiness brought on by the older man's proximity.

  
Moments later, Mew returned and gently cleaned him up, the cloth was warm and it felt nice, comforting.

  
"You were so good tonight, you know? I'm so lucky to be able to spend this time with you." Gulf blushed for the hundredth time that night. He felt so happy, happier than he had in a long time. He pulled Mew into a kiss, words would fail him in this moment, but he hoped he could express himself through actions instead. The kiss lasted a few more moments before Mew broke it, leaving the bed again and returning with clean boxers for them both.

  
"Come here, let's sleep. Phi's tired." Mew lay on his back and Gulf pressed himself close, his head resting on the older man's chest. He could hear Mew's heart beating and the gentle, constant thumping lulled him to sleep. Yes, this was definitely the happiest Gulf had been in a very long time.


	4. chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they go on a date, come back to Mew's and make out :))))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long :(((( I've had uni work to do and just generally haven't had much time this week so it's taken a while to get this done :(((( also I'm gonna start writing a series of text conversations between them to compliment the main story since this is actually part of a series yet there's only one actually work so far if that makes sense???? idk i'm new to this still. Some of the text conversations will be explicit, some won't be and hopefully they'll start coming out over the next week or so. I'll still aim to get a chapter of the main story out each week though so don't worry, the frequency of chapters won't be affected.

It was an early Sunday morning, early enough that the sun had yet to fully rise. Mew awoke, feeling a heavy weight on his chest and a numbness in his left arm. Upon seeing the source of the slight discomfort, he felt a rush of warmth spread through him. Gulf looked beautiful, even in sleep. Memories of last night ran through his mind and he gently pulled the younger man closer to him. Mew didn't want this moment to end, the room was warm, quiet, tranquil. He thought about what transpired the previous night and was well aware of how this morning was such a huge contrast. Glancing over to the alarm clock on his bedside table Mew learned that it was only 7:30 am. He watched Gulf sleeping and began thinking about their arrangement. Mew didn't usually do this, didn't usually meet a stranger at a bar and develop feelings so strong in such a short amount of time. 

  
He didn't know why Gulf had affected him like this. He knew the younger man was inexperienced yet Gulf had shown so much trust in him. He'd trusted Mew to not only make him come, but also to keep him safe, to not hurt him. Mew was very protective by nature and he guessed that Gulf's naivety was partly to blame for bringing forth these feelings. It wasn't love, not yet at least, but it was something. Something tender, warm, soft. Mew wanted to spend time with him without having sex; he wanted to get to know Gulf, wanted to talk to him, make him laugh, be there to listen to him when the younger man was having a bad day. He was looking forward to today, to getting breakfast with the man laying next to him, before taking him to the park he'd go to when he felt overwhelmed. The park could get busy when the weather was nice but Mew knew the hidden spots that not many people would go. He wanted to show these spots to Gulf. Maybe if he knew of them, the younger man could visit them if _he_ ever felt stressed. 

  
He thought about last night, about how Gulf had cried in his arms and how he'd so desperately wanted to soothe him, comfort him. Mew had always been dominant in bed, but he would never cause serious harm to anyone, and he'd always provide comfort afterwards. Seeing his partner emotional or distressed would trigger a strong urge to be tender, gentle. When Gulf had slipped into subspace, the need to protect was so powerful it was overwhelming, caused him to focus all his attention on the younger man. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt the man who for some reason had trusted him enough to consent to this, Mew would rather die than betray that trust. When they were done and Gulf broke down he'd held him and done his best to make the man feel safe, Mew wanted to show Gulf that he was a man worthy of his trust. He felt Gulf snuggle closer and sighed happily, it was still early and so Mew allowed himself to doze a little while longer.

  
......

  
Gulf woke and felt relaxed, more well rested than he had in a while. The bed he was sleeping in was comfortable, the man next to him warm, and the room they occupied quiet. It was nice, something he could get used to. As he remembered what they'd done last night, Gulf felt a little shy. He'd never experienced anything like that before, he'd felt like he'd been put under a spell, unable to do much more than lay limply on the bed and allow the older man to do as he pleased. He'd enjoyed it, but had also felt so unbelievably overwhelmed. As he recalled sobbing in Mew's arms after the sex, he felt a little embarrassed but oddly at peace with what had happened. Mew had been good to him, the man had patiently held him, murmuring soft words until he settled down, Mew hadn't made fun of him or made him feel stupid for his little breakdown. That had made Gulf's feelings for the man shift into something more than infatuation, Gulf had never felt more safe in his life. Gulf wasn't an idiot, he knew that given the state he'd been in last night, Mew could have easily taken advantage, the older man could have harmed him while he lay there defenseless. Mew _hadn't_ though, he _hadn't_ betrayed the huge amount of trust Gulf had shown him. He'd protected him, made him feel cared for while allowing him to experience things he'd only seen in porn before. Things Gulf thought he'd never get to try first hand. 

  
He was hoping that today he could try and express how he was feeling. Gulf wasn't sure how successful his attempts would be, he struggled to understand his feelings and so trying to voice them in a way the older man could comprehend would surely be challenging but Gulf was willing to try. He felt that he had little to lose at this point, he was a little nervous about the thought of opening up but his excitement at knowing they would spend the day together overpowered the nerves.

  
Eventually, he felt Mew stirring, he looked up and saw the man was gradually waking up. Gulf decided at that moment that Mew looked very cute first thing in the morning.

  
"How did you sleep?" Mew's voice was groggy, the man still not fully awake yet. Mew's hair was messy and it looked so soft that Gulf just barely resisted the urge to reach out and touch it.

  
"I slept well, better than I have done in a while. Your bed really is comfortable Phi," Gulf couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as he spoke. He was so happy they could lay together like this without it being overly awkward.

  
"I see, you're using me for my bed again?" Mew asked but his tone was playful.

  
"Of course not! Even without your bed I'd still like you Phi, remember?" Gulf laughed and stretched, now feeling fully awake.

  
"Did I hurt you last night? Are you sore anywhere?" It surprised Gulf a little, seeing how concerned the older man appeared to be, he was learning more and more that Mew was actually really soft, Gulf wanted to reassure him.

  
"I'm okay P'Mew. I'm a little sore but please don't worry, you didn't do anything I didn't want. You told me to let you know if I'm ever uncomfortable with anything we do, right? I _will_ tell you if I'm uncomfortable or if you're hurting me."

  
"Okay okay. How about we get dressed and go to get breakfast now? Phi's feeling hungry."

  
"Hmm, okay Phi."

  
......

They'd washed, dressed, and decided to walk to the cafe since it was warm and Mew's place wasn't too far away. They'd found a table near a window in a fairly quiet corner and were now enjoying french toast and tea. Despite normally feeling comfortable around the older man, Gulf now felt a little awkward. There were things he wanted to get off his chest, things he needed to say and it seemed like Mew had things he wanted to share himself. Gulf was drinking his tea to distract himself from the atmosphere when Mew finally spoke.

  
"I've been hurt before you know, guys have cheated on me and I've been dumped without any real explanation. I'm saying this because I want to be transparent. If what we have going on is just sex for you that's fine, but I need to know before things go any further. I'm not expecting a relationship, so there's no pressure. I just want to know what this is." The older man seemed to deflate, as if he'd been wanting to say this for a while and had finally been able to get it out. It surprised Gulf that they could potentially be feeling the same way. It sounded like Mew wanted this to be serious as much as Gulf did.

  
"Phi, you- I trusted you both times we had sex, right? It's probably obvious to you but I have very little experience with this stuff. You could've done anything to me last night and what would I have been able to do? Not much really. You could've hurt me but you didn't. You made me feel so safe. You've shown me parts of this world I never thought I'd get to experience and took care of me. I don't know those men who hurt you but I'm not going to do the same. I don't really know what we are but I'm not sleeping with anyone else, and to be honest I don't plan on changing that. I don't want to rush things, all of this is a little scary to me but you can call me whenever you want to talk. I'll always pick up the phone for you. I'd like to spend more time with you, like this. I don't want to keep things purely sexual. I want to get to know you." The smile Mew gave was stunning, beautiful.

  
" _You_ want to get to know _me_?" It was shocking that Mew would be surprised. Gulf felt the older man had no reason to be insecure, he was handsome, experienced, intelligent, sophisticated- everything that Gulf was not so to see the man so surprised at his interest made him feel confident.

  
"I do Phi. I know we don't really know each other very well yet. I want to change that, I want you to know you can always talk to me about anything. I want to spend time together, like we are right now. Maybe things won't work out between us, but we won't know if we don't at least try."

  
"You can always talk to me too, you know. About anything, I'll always be there to listen. I'd like to spend time with you too," Mew commented, his voice soft. By the time they'd talked about how they both felt, the food was gone and the tea had been drank. Knowing they were on the same page was nice, and now that conversation was out of the way they were free to enjoy the rest of the day together. Gulf patted his tummy happily, the food served here really was tasty, he hoped that Mew had enjoyed it too. Maybe they could come here again some time. 

  
"I can't believe I've never been here before, it's so nice. The views are pretty and the food is really good." Gulf felt warmth spread through his body with the words, it was stupid but he almost felt proud for having been the one to first bring Mew here. Realistically he had no reason to be proud, he wasn't the one who designed the building nor did he cook their food, but knowing Mew liked a place that was somewhat special to him made him feel happy nonetheless. He was looking forward to going to the park, Mew mentioned that he liked going there whenever he felt stressed and Gulf was grateful the older man was willing to share somewhere special with him.

  
"I love coming here to study, they make the best cakes I've ever tasted. Their red velvet cake is my favourite, I always get it when I'm studying here. Plus it's kind of hidden away so it never usually gets too busy. It's easy to think when I'm here. I'm happy you like it too. Why don't we go to your park now? I'd love to see it." 

  
"Maybe we'll have to come back one day. Phi wants to try the cakes. We can walk to the park, it's not too far from here and it's such a nice day." Mew was right, the sun was shining brightly but it wasn't too hot. Gulf usually spent Sundays in bed but he was happy that _this_ Sunday he was awake and outside. 

  
......

  
After a short walk they arrived at the park, it was pretty busy but Mew had promised he knew quieter areas. Places he liked to go whenever he felt stressed. The older man had led Gulf through the crowds, across the main field where children were playing, couples were laying on picnic blankets, and people were walking their dogs. Once they'd gotten across the field Gulf noticed a gravel path that led to a hill. They walked along the path and then made their way up the hill until they eventually reached the top and then finally ended up in a clearing that was hidden away from where they were stood, the entrance shrouded in bushes. To get to the place Mew wanted to show him, they'd had to force their way past brambles and so Gulf understood why it was so secret.

  
"We're here." Although it'd been hard to see the spot from the left hand side, the front was open in areas, enough to provide them with a view of the whole park. It was stunning. There were no other people here and Gulf could see why Mew would come here when he needed to take time out, when he needed to rest. It felt strangely intimate, being brought to a place that was so private and important to the older man. 

  
"It's beautiful Phi." Gulf could hear birds singing, the gentle breeze through the trees, and the distant noise from the people in the main area of the park, but other than that, it was quiet. 

  
Gulf was so engrossed in the view that he didn't notice Mew approaching and wrapping his arms around him, holding him from behind.

  
"It is," Mew spoke softly, if they'd been in the main area of the park Gulf wouldn't have heard him but he did hear and his heart thudded in his chest. Mew was gently nuzzling the side of Gulf's neck and the younger man found himself enjoying this intimacy. "I haven't brought anyone here before, but I thought you'd like it. If you ever find that school work is getting to be too much, coming here helps. Sometimes, when things are hard I come here and just sit for a few hours. It's peaceful, helps me to clear my head." As Mew spoke, Gulf realized how lucky he was, to be the only person Mew had chosen to share this place with.

  
"Thank you for showing it to me."

  
"It's no problem, you can come here whenever you want."

  
They spent an hour or so at the clearing, chatting about their lives. Gulf learned that Mew came from a wealthy family and had felt pressure to pursue a degree and to do well academically. Gulf was impressed to learn that Mew had graduated his bachelor's degree with first class honors and a gold medal, he already knew the older man was intelligent but now he was realizing Mew was probably the smartest person he knew. Gulf shared that he'd been unsure of what he'd really wanted to do with his life when he was choosing what to study, how he still didn't really know what he planned to do after graduating.

  
"It's okay not to know right now, you'll figure it out eventually. Sometimes it takes a while to come up with a plan for the future but I think it's worth waiting until you know in your heart what you want to do, there's no rush you know."

  
"I know Phi, it's just so stressful you know?" 

  
"I understand, you can always talk to Phi about things, I'll always be there to listen. Why don't we head back? We can watch a movie or something, we can do whatever you want." Gulf had an idea of what he wanted to do and honestly he'd rather do it in the privacy of Mew's home. He nodded in agreement and they made their way back to Mew's apartment.

  
......

  
They were back at Mew's place, some mindless action movie was playing. If he was honest, Gulf didn't really care for the film, the man sitting next to him was far more interesting in his opinion. Gulf thought it was crazy that they'd fucked and he'd been choked by the older man yet they'd barely kissed. He wanted to change that.

  
"That guy is so stupid! What was he thinking? He walked right into the bad guy's trap, he's gonna get killed now." Mew was apparently more invested in the film than Gulf was, the older man had the audacity to look offended when Gulf climbed onto his lap.

  
"Gulf what are you doing, I can't see the mo-" Gulf cut him off easily, pressing soft kisses to the older man's neck.

  
"Is the film really more interesting than me?" He noticed the older man's intake of breath before hands found a firm grip on his hips. Gulf sighed before locking eyes with Mew, glancing down at the man's lips before leaning in and kissing his mouth. He had little warning before Mew took control of their situation.

  
"You want me to pay attention to you? You'd better give me a show then," Mew's voice was low, dark and Gulf shivered before gently rocking his hips against the man beneath him. Mew's right hand traveled up to the back of his head, pulling him closer as he deepened the kiss while his left hand rested on the small of Gulf's back, encouraging him to rock his hips more firmly.

  
Gulf gasped upon feeling Mew's cock quickly hardening, the older man took the opportunity to force his tongue into his mouth, Gulf melted against him as they kissed. He felt Mew suck on his tongue and he moaned in response, the movements of his hips getting messy. The older man broke the kiss and sucked bruises onto the delicate skin on Gulf's neck. It turned him on, knowing the marks would be there for everyone to see, knowing that it was Mew who was marking him. He ran his fingers through Mew's hair, holding his head in place as the man attacked his throat - this time with his mouth rather than his hands.

  
"Phi _please_ I- _oh god_ ," Gulf didn't even know what he was asking for. Mew's mouth was so good and he didn't want this to end.

  
"You're so bad, here I was thinking you were enjoying the movie but what you really wanted was to get fucked? Is that what you want?" It was with a hint of shame that Gulf thought he'd come in his trousers simply from listening to Mew talk to him like that, his voice roughened with desire.

  
"Please just kiss me, I want you to kiss me Phi," that really _was_ all Gulf wanted, he was still a little sore from last night and he just wanted to make out on Mew's sofa and forget about everything else, right now he wanted this to be his entire world. He wanted to forget all of his responsibilities and just sit in Mew's lap and rock against the older man as they kissed forever.

  
"Shh, I've got you, I know what you need baby," Mew maneuvered them so that Gulf was laying on the sofa with his own body on top of him. Gulf couldn't bite back the moan that escaped his throat when Mew rolled his hips against his body. In this position, there was more contact and Gulf desperately tried to meet Mew's movements. With shaking hands, Gulf reached out for the older man's face, his hands pausing mid air. He couldn't help hesitating, wondering if this was okay, if he was allowed to touch the older man like he wanted to.

  
"What's wrong?" Mew practically slurred the words, his voice filled with so much desire that Gulf swore his cock jerked upon hearing it. When Gulf met his eyes he realized that the older man was not in control, he wasn't the unaffected, restrained man from their previous encounters. Right now, Mew was just as affected as Gulf himself.

  
"Is this okay, can I touch you like this?" Gulf hoped he hadn't messed up, he didn't want to disappoint Mew.

  
"I'm not dominating you right now, you can do whatever you want to me." Gulf did just that. He reached out for the older man's face, pulling him close and kissing him more. Mew's mouth went for Gulf's upper lip and sucked on the soft, plump flesh, his movements getting sloppier. Gulf felt himself burning up, he was getting close. The feeling of Mew grinding against him, the bulk of Mew's body on top of him, Mew's mouth biting and sucking at his skin, the kisses that took his breath away, it was all becoming too much. There was no way Gulf was going to last much longer if they kept this up.

  
"Phi I- I'm close I'm go- I'm gonna come."

  
"Come for Phi, I'm close too." Hearing the words was the tipping point for Gulf, he let himself fall as his climax overtook him. Mew followed not long after, with a groan of Gulf's name the man above him fell over the edge too.

  
" _Fuck_ ," Mew murmured against Gulf's skin, they lay there for a few moments, catching their breaths and coming down from the highs of their orgasms. The credits of the movie were rolling on the tv screen, Gulf didn't feel guilty for making them miss the ending though. He figured what had just transpired was better than any film could ever hope to be. Mew lifted himself up on shaky arms and pulled Gulf up into a sitting position too. 

  
"We're gonna have to shower now, I feel gross," Mew had said, Gulf couldn't agree more. He felt sweaty and his pants were uncomfortable, come sticking his boxers to his skin in an unpleasant way. He let Mew lead him to the bathroom so they could clean up. He sat on the edge of the bath tub as Mew messed with the shower temperature and when he was satisfied with it he quickly stripped out of his clothes. Gulf took a brief opportunity to admire the older man's body before removing his own clothes and stepping into the shower. He allowed Mew to gently wash his body before taking his turn to clean Mew. This was the first time they'd been naked together without the motive being sexual and Gulf decided that he liked it, it felt almost domestic, washing each other like this.

  
Once they'd showered and dressed again, it was already mid afternoon. Mew made them some sandwiches and as they ate Gulf couldn't help but feel so happy. He knew he'd have to leave soon, it was Sunday afternoon and he had work to do for classes tomorrow but that didn't even really matter. He'd had such a good day, they'd made some sort of progress. This wasn't going to be a few nights of sex before they both moved on, it was potentially the start of something more than that. He felt happy that he'd been able to get to know Mew a little more and although he'd have to spend tonight at his dorm instead of in the comfort of Mew's bed, Gulf was still hopeful. 

  
"Hm, wish I could stay here forever," Gulf was quiet, he really wished he could stay here a little longer at least.

  
"You're always welcome here you know. I'll give you a lift home if you want, message me before you go to sleep tonight. So I know you're okay."

  
"Okay Phi," Gulf flushed, is this how Mew was as a boyfriend? Were they even boyfriends? Gulf didn't know but Mew was very attentive, caring and it made Gulf feel loved. He wasn't going to ask exactly what they were now. He really did have to leave soon and he figured that wouldn't be a conversation that'd be resolved quickly. Honestly, he was happy with whatever this was. They'd already moved so quickly Gulf didn't want to rush things even further. After they finished eating, he helped Mew wash the dishes and went to collect his things. 

  
As they were driving back to the dorms, Gulf couldn't help looking at Mew, he looked so effortlessly handsome in a loose t-shirt and sweatpants. They were both pretty quiet on the drive there, a comfortable silence washing over them. It was unfortunate that his time wish Mew couldn't last longer as before he knew it, Mew had parked up outside Gulf's dorm building. 

  
"I guess this is it for today then, I had a good time with you Nong. Please don't forget to message me later. Get all your work done first though, okay."

  
"I will Phi, don't worry. The work won't take me _too_ long so I'll have plenty time to talk to you tonight." Eventually, Gulf managed to drag himself out of the car, he turned to wave Mew off but the older man insisted on waiting until Gulf was inside the building before leaving, despite the area being safe, especially at 3 pm on a Sunday. It made Gulf's heart flutter nonetheless. As he walked to the entrance of the building he couldn't help smiling to himself. He had taken a chance that night in the student bar, and it was turning out to be the best decision he'd ever made.


	5. chapter 5

The funny thing about anxiety is that it can leave you alone for an extended period of time and then suddenly **BOOM!** It hits you like a truck. Appearing out of nowhere, it can ruin your entire day. It can make you snap at loved ones, can make you feel on edge. It can make you feel like you're suffocating, like the air around you is too thin and that no matter how much you breathe in, it's never enough. It makes your mind run a mile a minute, it makes you reach the worst possible scenario of every situation. It's overwhelming and Gulf hates it. Truthfully, it's not something that bothers him much anymore. When it does though, it's bad.

  
Gulf had woken that morning and known something was off with him. He tried ignoring it, getting washed and dressed for his classes that day. He felt slightly jittery but he figured it was simply the result of general stress, at this point in the semester work was ramping up and more and more of his free time was taken up by school work, combine that with football practice and Gulf had a lot on his plate. He could handle this, he was fine.

  
Or maybe not. 

  
The day had started off badly, Gulf had already felt uneasy first thing in the morning. Now, he realized that the way he'd felt earlier was a bad omen because the rest of the day progressively got worse. Firstly, his bus arrived twenty minutes late, upon finally arriving at the campus, Gulf rushed to his lecture and in his haste had managed to trip over his own feet and drop his books, papers flying everywhere. As he picked up his things, Gulf _felt_ everyone's eyes on him, the feeling making his skin crawl. Feeling himself flush red, he hurried into the lecture theater and once again, felt a myriad of eyes all over him. He quickly sat down, hoping not to draw anymore attention to himself.

  
"Ah Kanawut, thank you for finally deciding to join us. I'll speak to you at the end of the lecture."

  
Gulf hated this professor, he felt his heart beating faster as other students around him began whispering things. His brain, rather unhelpfully, told him that it was _him_ they were all talking about. If he thought about it properly, they could've been talking about anything but right now Gulf was incapable of thinking rationally. He tried to focus on the rest of the class and when it was finally over, remained seated as he waited for his professor to complain at him and lecture him about the importance of punctuality.

  
"Do you think you can stroll into my class whenever you want?"

  
"No sir, my bus was late this morning, I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

  
"Just make sure you make notes on the content you missed, I expect you to catch up on your own time." Gulf was getting annoyed, it wasn't his fault he'd arrived late. How was it fair to blame him when the bus was late? It was a case of circumstances beyond his control. He managed to hold himself together, despite feeling overwhelmed and angry at how unfair his professor was being.

  
The rest of the day didn't really improve much. Although nothing disastrous happened, many little things were going badly here and there. Things that wouldn't normally bother him but in his current state, were able to affect him. The line at lunch was really long and by the time he reached the front of the queue, nothing appetizing was left so he had to make do with an apple. It had started raining heavily but stupidly, Gulf hadn't brought an umbrella so he got soaked when he walked from the cafeteria to the main building. Mild _kept_ asking him about Mew and Gulf really wasn't ready to tell his friends about the man, Gulf felt himself getting more and more worked up until he finally snapped at his best friend. 

  
"Would you shut up, how is it any of your business? Just fuck off, I'm not in the mood. I can't deal with this right now." He immediately felt bad about it, but Mild had walked off, saying he'd give Gulf time to calm down before they talked again. Gulf's frustration only grew. Everything was going wrong today.

  
He had to attend football practice even though he was so tired he just wanted to sleep until the next morning. There was also stacks of homework he needed to work through, he wished he could just escape from everything for a day or two. He felt guilty for shouting at Mild - Gulf knew his friend meant well, that Mild only wanted to see him happy but the thought of everyone knowing about Mew was scary. Gulf himself didn't even know if things would work out between himself and the older man and so he just didn't feel ready to talk openly about Mew yet. Gulf's history with men was short and honestly, it wasn't the best. He'd never had a relationship last very long, never had anything serious. It wasn't that he didn't want a relationship, Gulf was _far_ from a player, it's just that things never really worked out. He'd been closeted for a long time and it was only when he moved out of his parent's home and started university that he felt able to come out and allowed himself to experiment, to experience things. His friends had all been supportive and accepting but he still felt a little shy talking about his relationships with them. This thing he had going with Mew was working out so far, he didn't want to jinx it by telling everyone everything only to have Mew break things off with him later on.

  
Football practice had went okay, Gulf wasn't performing at his best but then again others looked tired too so although he was frustrated with his own performance, it didn't stand out too much when his team mates weren't at their best either. 

  
After finally arriving home, Gulf was pleased to know that his room mate was spending the night with his girlfriend. Gulf got along fine with the man he shared a room with but right now he just wanted to be alone. To have time to himself. He decided to take a shower, stripping out of his football kit as he entered the en-suite bathroom in the dorm room. Sometimes Gulf wished he could run himself a bath and just lay in the hot water all evening but he supposed a shower was just as good. He turned the pressure up as far as it would go and felt the water pelting down onto his skin. He sighed as the water smashed against tired muscles, helping to at least relieve the physical strain that he felt. His mind was still running overtime, knowing there was statistics work to do not letting him relax. Gulf hated statistics, he found the subject so difficult and no matter how hard he tried, he would struggle to wrap his head around it. He eventually dragged himself out of the shower and dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. He still had so much shit to get done, he couldn't hide from his responsibilities in the shower forever.

  
Reluctantly, he forced himself to sit at his desk and opened his laptop. The clock read 8:35 pm and so if he could even get half of this done he'd be able to sleep somewhat early tonight. He messaged Mild, apologizing for his outburst and asking if they could talk tomorrow. His best friend was an angel with the patience of a saint because he responded immediately.

  
**Mild: ofc, i'm sorry for asking abt him. if he makes u happy thats a good thng. u don't have to tell me until ur ready. i'll see u tomorro**

  
Feeling relief that at least one thing was resolved, Gulf began his dreaded statistics homework. The concept of time was strange because Gulf learned he'd stared at the screen and answered one question in the space of forty minutes. He felt himself getting more and more stressed, trying not to cry and evidently not succeeding, feeling tears collect in his eyes as it dawned on him that he was most likely going to fail this class. It was already Wednesday evening and this was due on Friday morning. He thought about messaging Mew, the older man taught advanced statistics. Surely he'd be able to help. Ultimately he decided against it, he knew Mew was busy with his own work. Gulf didn't want to bring the man even more stress.

......

  
Mew had finally finished his work for the night, he'd been working on his report for the last three hours and now was eventually able to relax. Still unable to sleep, he poured himself a glass of wine and curled up on the sofa in his lounge clothes. He planned to watch a movie to wind down and then go to bed. He found himself thinking about Gulf. Mew thought about Gulf a lot. He really liked the younger man, being around him on Sunday had felt so right, he couldn’t stop thinking about the time they’d spent together. That they’d been able to spend time together without things being sexual gave Mew hope that a relationship was possible one day. His heart would already leap in his chest whenever he thought about how cute Gulf was, whenever Gulf messaged him he’d feel it beating harder in response. Did he love the younger man? He didn’t think so but what he _did_ know was that he was quickly on his way to reaching that point. The point of being in love with the younger man. There was a chance Gulf was sleeping but Mew wanted to message him and so he did.

  
**Mew: hey Nong, hope ur ok. looking forward to seeing u this weekend. miss u :(**

  
Mew figured Gulf was asleep when no response came, and so focused his attention on the film playing on screen, he was sure Nong would reply in the morning. He'd gotten invested in the movie when he heard his phone chime. He smiled to himself as he saw that it was none other than Nong Gulf who'd just text him. The smile dropped when he actually _read_ the message.

  
**_N'Gulf: hey phi, i'm not feeling too good really. i've got hw to do n it's sooo hard i'm so frustrated_ **  
**_N'Gulf: wish i was w u instead of doing this :(_ **  
**_N'Gulf: miss u too :((((_ **

  
Learning that Gulf wasn't feeling good triggered a desire to be next to the younger man, to provide comfort and to ease his stress.

  
**Mew: oh no :( what subject is it? Phi will try to help u xx**

  
_**N'Gulf: it's stats :((( i hate this subject so much Phi :( its so hard** _  
_**N'Gulf: i'm so fucking stupid i should have started it earlier but i left it to the last minute** _  
_**N'Gulf: its due on friday morning n im so stressed abt it** _  
_**N'Gulf: sorry for bothering u, i know u have ur own work to do :(** _

  
**Mew: i've finished my work for tonight. can i come to pick u up?**  
**Mew: u can stay over my place n i'll help u if u want?**  
**Mew: I mean it's easier to help u if we're together**

_**N'Gulf: it's getting late Phi, dont u have other things to do?** _

  
**Mew: nothing thats more important than u xxx**

  
Mew felt a little panicked upon sending that message, was it too much? If it was, Gulf didn't say anything about it. The younger man simply agreed to allowing Mew to collect him and bring him home. Gulf had given Mew his room number and so he quickly changed clothes, grabbed his car keys, and made his way over to Gulf's dorm building. Thankfully, the traffic was light and so Mew made it there in a little under twenty minutes. He made his way to the elevator, getting off on the fifth floor and walking along the corridor until he reached Gulf's room.

  
......

  
Mew was a hero Gulf decided. The older man was busy with his own work, he was studying for a PhD for God sake, yet he still found the time to be there for Gulf. To help him with his stupid homework. Gulf hoped the man hadn't been busy, that he'd told the truth about having finished up his own work. Mew was so selfless, Gulf wished he could meet those men who'd hurt him, just to ask them why. Did they not realize how lucky they were to have been allowed into Mew's life? To have been loved by someone so giving and caring? How could they hurt someone like Mew? How could they cheat on him? Leave him?

  
Gulf was brought out of his thoughts by a knock on the door. Although he'd been expecting it, he still jumped a little because God he really was on edge.  
He answered the door and saw Mew dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie. He looked warm and soft and Gulf wanted to hug him but he resisted for now. Maybe later.

  
"Are you ready sweetheart?" Mew's eyes locked on Gulf's and the younger man flushed, realizing that his eyes were probably red and his face puffy from having cried earlier. Mew pulled him into a hug, and Gulf sighed in relief at finally having physical comfort. He buried his face into the older man's neck and breathed in deeply. He felt better than he had done all day.

  
"I'm ready, Phi," he'd said, his voice small.

  
"Let's go then."

  
......

  
They arrived at Mew's place a short while later and Gulf felt his stress begin to melt away. The two men sat in Mew's office area and the older man helped him complete his work. Mew would make a great teacher, Gulf decided. The man helped him but didn't give him the answers. He helped Gulf actually understand the content, encouraging Gulf when he made mistakes. He gently praised Gulf when he got things correct, and was so unbelievably patient as they worked through the page of questions together. When all the questions were answered, Mew looked over everything and assured Gulf that everything was correct.

  
"Listen Gulf, if you ever need help with this stuff, message me. I don't like the idea of you sitting in your room getting upset over something like this. Especially when I can help you. I'll always be here to help you, you know that right? Statistics is not worth getting worked up over."

  
"You said you'd be busy all of this week. I didn't want to bother you just because I'm too stupid to understand my homework."

  
" _Hey_ , don't talk about yourself like that. You're not stupid, everyone has different strengths. I might be busy, but I'll always make time to help you with school work. _Always_." Mew's tone was firm, left no room for argument. Gulf appreciated it, he felt cared for.

  
"Thank you Phi." Thank you would never be enough, but Gulf was bad with words sometimes, he was grateful to have gotten his work done and he felt the anxiety he'd felt all day calm down a little. 

  
"It's okay Nong, let's try and get some sleep now, yeah? You must be tired."

  
Once in the warm comfort of Mew's bed, laying by Mew's side with his head resting on the older man's chest Gulf found himself wanting to talk.

  
"I've had such a stressful day today. It started off bad and it only got worse, I was late to a class and _everyone_ looked at me. Then I didn't get any food at lunch, then I shouted at my friend, and then I got soaked in the rain. As if all of that wasn't bad enough, I sat and cried over some math work. I've had such bad anxiety all day, usually it's not bad like this but today? It's been so bad. I'm sorry for ruining your night Phi."

  
"Sweetheart, what makes you think you've ruined my night? I'm happy that you're here and that you're okay. You being here would _never_ ruin my night. You're always welcome here, I've told you this before. Whatever work I have to do can wait if you're upset. And can I tell you a secret? People probably did look at you, but it's only because our eyes are drawn to movement. They probably just noticed someone walking in and automatically looked over. I bet they've all forgotten it even happened by now. I don't know your friend, but I'm sure if you apologise, they'd understand. Can I ask why you shouted at them? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I just want to help if I can."

"They keep asking me about you. The first night I went home with you? I'd went to the bar with them. He asked me where I'd went because we were supposed to head back together and because he wouldn't drop it I told him I'd met a guy and went back to his place. Now he keeps asking me about you and I'm scared to tell him. I only came out when I first moved here and I've never had anything like this with a man before. I'm not ready to tell everyone about you yet. It's not that I'm ashamed of you or anything. I mean, look at you, you're perfect. It's just that it feels too soon I guess. I'd rather wait a little while longer. Mild's a great guy, but sometimes he takes things too far." It felt good to get it all out, to tell someone about how he felt. Gulf wasn't sure how the older man would feel about being kept a secret. He only hoped Mew would understand.

"Look at me, Nong. You don't have to tell _anyone_ until you feel ready. I'm sure your friend meant no harm but if you're uncomfortable, you're allowed to make that known. Whatever this thing is between us, it's our business and you don't have to share it if you don't feel ready. I understand not wanting to announce a relationship until you're sure things are going to work out, especially if you haven't really had a relationship with a man before. What we have is still new, there's no label on it yet and I think that's okay. There's no need to rush, I'd rather we take our time so it's not surprising that you don't want to tell people yet. For the record, I haven't told anyone about _you_ either. Maybe shouting at him wasn't the best idea but I think he'll understand and forgive you. I don't know you that well and even I can see that you're a good person."

As Mew spoke, his arm wrapped around Gulf's waist, pulling him closer. He pressed a gentle kiss on the top of Gulf's head. It felt nice, being held like this, being comforted by Mew. Gulf felt his feelings growing stronger as Mew's thumb rubbed at his shoulder, ever so gentle. Gulf was impressed that during sex, Mew could be so rough, dominant, powerful. Yet in moments like this, the man was affectionate, tender, protective. As he lay in Mew's arms, Gulf wondered if this was the start of a turning point in their relationship. Would things grow from here? He wasn't stupid, he knew there was mutual feelings already, but they were still somewhat vague. They weren't in a relationship yet but Gulf had no intention of sleeping with anyone else. He wasn't sure, but he was pretty confident that Mew wasn't sleeping around either. He hoped that one day, they could officially be together, but he wasn't going to push. Truthfully, Gulf was content in this moment, if things could be like this forever, Gulf would be the happiest man in the world.

  
Cuddling Gulf like this, holding the man in his arms was nice. Mew couldn't believe the Gulf thought he'd ruined his night. Mew hoped his presence here with Gulf would help soothe the man, would help him calm down and make him feel safe. Being honest with himself, Mew knew his feelings were getting stronger. He wanted to comfort Gulf, seeing him upset earlier had triggered the urge to comfort, to protect. He gently squeezed the man in his arms, wanting to hold him impossibly close. They were fully pressed up against one another but it still didn't feel close enough. Mew wanted to hold him close and never let him go. He petted Gulf's hair, the strands were silky soft and flowed through his fingers. Gulf made a soft noise in his throat, the man seemed to have calmed down significantly now.

  
"Hey, do you like that?"

  
"Hmm, I do Phi, feels nice. Please don't stop." Mew didn't stop. He continued stroking Gulf's hair, his fingers gently massaging the man's scalp. Gulf yawned and Mew looked over to the clock. It was currently 11:05 pm.

  
"Let's get some sleep, Nong. It's getting late and I don't want you to have another stressful day tomorrow. If you're tired things can seem worse than they actually are sometimes. Do you have morning classes tomorrow? I'll take you there tomorrow if you like?"

  
"I don't have any classes until 12 pm Phi, I should probably go back to my dorm at some point so that I can get my books and stuff though."

  
"I tell you what? I'll make us breakfast tomorrow, I'll make whatever you want and then I'll drop you back off at your dorm building."

  
"Hm okay. The pancakes you made that time were good. If it's not too much trouble I'd like to have them Phi."

  
"Of course it's not too much trouble, not if it's for you," once again Mew felt like he'd said too much, he worried briefly that Gulf would think he'd crossed a line but the younger man just hid his face in the crook of Mew's neck and smiled, snuggling closer. One day, he hoped they'd make things exclusive, but for now, Mew was happy with this. It was nice to be intimate with the man in his arms without any sexual undertones. Deep down, Mew was a soft person, someone who loved to both give and receive affection. He felt that with Gulf, he was finally able to be tender and loving. It made him feel good to provide comfort to someone he'd quickly grown to care about. He felt Gulf's breaths against his neck, deep and even and guess that the man was sleeping. Knowing that Gulf was safe in his bed and had calmed down, Mew felt that he himself could drift happily to sleep.


	6. chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're gonna become official soon I promise!!! also this is another bdsm discussion heavy chapter bc I wanna get all of this stuff out of the way before they form an established, committed relationship. I've done *a lot* of research as i've been writing this and I feel it's necessary to go through all this stuff first, in chapter two they talked about it but not about specific rules and when they did it was more about what gulf was interested in trying and establishing a safe word rather than anything specific. I understand it's not the most fun thing to read about but I want to portray bdsm relationships in the most responsible way I can, the next chapter will make up for it if you don't care about this side of the story I promise :)

Today, Gulf had woken up alone, he found himself missing the warmth of Mew's body next to his own. He hadn't realized that Mew woke so early on weekdays, Gulf hoped he wasn't making the older man late for work. What if Mew had classes to teach at 9? Despite it only being 8 am, he was about to get up and dressed when Mew walked into the bedroom, clad in nothing more than a pair of boxers. The sight momentarily took Gulf's breath away.

  
"Sorry, I thought you were still sleeping," Mew had said casually as he walked to the closet and picked out some clothes, "are you feeling better this morning?" The man's hair was slightly damp, his skin a pretty shade of pink. He managed to look handsome even right after a shower.

  
"I feel much better, Phi. Thank you for last night, you didn't have to do any of that. Thank you for looking after me." The older man made a noise of acknowledgement as he dressed himself. Once he was fully clothed, he turned towards Gulf and spoke.

  
"It's nothing, I'm just happy you're feeling better. Phi doesn't have any classes today so if you feel stressed about anything you can come and find me in the library, just message me and I'll respond right away. And I meant what I said you know. I don't ever want you sitting alone and getting upset over work if I can help you with it. I actually have something for you. You can keep it, just in case I'm not around for whatever reason to help." Mew pulled a book off one of the shelves, right at the bottom.

  
"It's the stats book I used during my Bachelor's degree. It gives examples of pretty much every type of question and breaks down the answers. I'd still prefer that you call me so I can _know_ you understand the work but this should also help a lot. It makes even difficult concepts fairly easy to understand. It's yours now, if you want it." 

  
"Phi I- are you sure?" Gulf felt so grateful, Mew was being so kind to him. The man had always been so good to him. It was nice to feel cared about, Mew didn't have to do this, didn't have to think about him enough to give him this. Gulf knew that Mew's level of understanding was likely _far_ beyond anything in this book but knowing that he'd at some point thought enough about Gulf to pick out this specific book for him, it made Gulf feel good.

  
"Yeah, I haven't used it in a while. You could probably get more out of it than I do anymore."

  
"Thank you Phi."

  
"It's no problem. Hey, why don't you get dressed while I make breakfast, there's still plenty time before I need to drop you off." Gulf's tummy grumbled at the prospect of finally getting food. He realized at that moment he hadn't eaten anything since the apple yesterday during his lunch break.

  
"Hmm, okay Phi," Gulf stretched in the bed before finally getting up. Mew had headed towards the kitchen as Gulf grabbed his clothes, quickly putting them on before going into the bathroom.

  
After he was done washing up, Gulf left the bathroom and headed towards the dining area. Mew had made poached egg and toast and despite it being a relatively simple meal Gulf felt himself salivating at the thought of eating it.

  
"Do you prefer coffee or tea? I also have fresh orange juice if you'd like that."

  
"Can I just have some juice please?"

  
"Of course, coming right up." The two men then sat at the dining table and quietly enjoyed the food. The silence was comfortable, relaxed.

  
"So, I was thinking... I think there's a few more things I'd like us to discuss," Mew spoke, casually. Gulf looked up and saw that the older man's eyes were fixed on him, "I think we've been pretty good with communication so far, but I think we need to set a few concrete rules if we're gonna do this seriously. I know we briefly talked about it on Monday night, but I want to talk about it face to face."

  
"Do I have to sign a contract?" Gulf had done a lot research about bdsm relationships in his life. He'd always been curious, always had fantasies. He'd never actually experienced it himself until now. In some of the articles he'd read, he'd learned that couples wrote up full length contracts and both parties were expected to follow the rules at all times. Truthfully, the thought made him nervous. What if he ever forgot something? Some of them looked complicated and he didn't want to upset the older man.

  
"What? No. It's nothing like that. I just want to be _absolutely_ sure we both have the same expectations. I want us to do this right." Mew's voice was gentle, it calmed Gulf down significantly. Knowing these rules were being made in part to keep him safe, to make him feel comfortable was nice.

  
" _Firstly_ , I'm only ever gonna dominate you during sex. When we're just sitting like this? I'm just P'Mew. If we're out somewhere together? I'm still just P'Mew. _Secondly_ , you're absolutely allowed to change your mind about something. At any point. You said you want to be restrained and spanked next time we have sex right? If you change your mind between now and Saturday night? That's okay. If you change your mind right as we're about to start or even while we're in the middle of it? That's still okay. I'll never do anything we haven't discussed previously, and I'll always ask for consent first. This means I also expect you to be honest with me, I need you to tell me if you're ever uncomfortable. Your well-being is more important to me than an orgasm. _Thirdly_ , you can be open with me about anything you want to try, I will do my best to make it happen and I'd never make you feel embarrassed. This is a safe place for you to experiment as much as you're comfortable with. _Finally_ , if we're ever drunk anything that could potentially be dangerous is off the table, no choking, no spanking, no restraint, and so on, there's too much of a risk of you getting hurt." Gulf wondered how long Mew had been into this stuff, the man seemed so wise as he spoke about it.

  
"I can follow those rules Phi." 

  
"Good boy. There's just a few more things, I promise. Is there anything you'd never ever want to do?" Gulf had been unsure the last time Mew had asked him this question, the morning after they'd first had sex. Now he knew there was one thing he didn't want.

  
"I don't want to share you, when we're having sex I mean. I want it to just be us. No one else." The thought of having to compete for Mew's attention, of having someone else touch Gulf himself when he was so exposed was unpleasant, terrifying even.

  
"That's fine, threesomes aren't something I'm interested in either," as the words left Mew's mouth, Gulf breathed a sigh of relief. He was happy there wasn't going to be a conflict over the issue, "are there any rules you want to add?"

  
"Will you punish me if I've done something wrong?" Gulf felt his face heating up. He wished he could talk to P'Mew like this without getting shy, maybe one day he'd get there. He did feel like he'd already improved somewhat.

  
"Only if I think you deserve it, there's a difference between a misunderstanding and directly disobeying any rules we make before sex. Because you're still so new to this I don't expect you to always get everything right and I don't want to give you the impression that men like me are dangerous. I'd never do anything too extreme and you'd still be allowed to use your safe word. Punishment isn't about causing physical harm for me, it's more to do with the power dynamic between us." It was reassuring, knowing that even if he messed up, he'd be safe with Mew. 

  
"I think that's everything I wanted to talk about, is there anything else you want to say?" The older man asked as he collected their now empty dishes and brought them to the sink to clean. Gulf really didn't have anything to add, there was nothing he could think of that hadn't already been covered.

  
"Are we still good for Saturday night? I was thinking we could have another date on Sunday. Maybe it could become a regular thing? If you'd like that." Gulf's heart was fluttering in his chest again. He wanted so _badly_ for it to become their regular thing. He'd enjoyed taking Mew to the cafe, enjoyed going to the park and just talking, not about this stuff but just about their lives a little. He hoped they could spend many Sundays together, honestly he looked forward to the idea of a date with Mew almost as much as he was looking forward to the sex they'd be having tomorrow night.

  
"Hmm, I'd like that a lot P'Mew. I liked spending the day with you last Sunday, it felt nice being able to get to know you better. We don't even need to leave your place, I'd be happy just playing games or watching a movie. I promise I'll focus on the film this time," Gulf flushed as he remembered the last time the men had sat down to watch a movie together.

  
"Then it's a date, whatever you feel like doing, that's what we'll do. Right now though, I'm afraid that it's almost time for me to take you back to the dorm building." Gulf didn't really want to leave, but he knew his classes today weren't too bad and he felt well rested today so he'd surely get through them all okay. The knowledge that he'd be back here the following night made it worth it too.

  
"Okay Phi, I'll grab my things and then I'll be ready." Mew made a sound of acknowledgement as Gulf went to the office to retrieve his homework, as well as the statistics book Mew had given him.

  
"Will you have time for lunch today? If not I can bring you some food, Phi doesn't want you going hungry again."

  
"Ah it's okay Phi, I'll get food right after my first lecture so there'll still be plenty left to choose from, thank you for thinking of me though," the younger man had responded, Mew felt better knowing he'd eat today, that he was feeling better generally. 

  
"Come on then, we had better get going. I don't want you to be late." Gulf sighed but followed Mew out of the house and the two men got into the car. They reached Gulf's building quicker than he would've liked but he pulled himself out of the vehicle, said goodbye to the man he was quickly becoming to feel strongly for, and heading towards the entrance of the apartment complex. As he entered the main reception area, his phone chimed.

  
_**P'Mew: i'll see u saturday, remember to message me if u get too anxious okay?** _

  
**Gulf: okay Phi, thank u for looking after me xx**

  
As he headed to his room, he felt more hopeful than ever before that he and Mew could become official soon, he wouldn't push things but truthfully it seemed like he didn't need to. The way Mew made him feel cared for was surely a sign that things were getting there naturally. He felt positive that this could turn into his first actual relationship and couldn't help smiling to himself. The older man made him feel so happy.


	7. chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! sorry this chapter took so long ;-; I've been busy with uni stuff and work and so haven't had much time to write :(( this chapter contains spanking so here's a warning for that I guess and also there's gonna be a confession in the next chapter (at least up to now there should be!!!)

Mew hadn't really had much contact with Gulf since he'd dropped him off on Thursday morning. They'd messaged here and there, Mew had checked in on the younger man and Gulf had assured him he was okay. They'd even video called last night but other than that, there'd been little contact. Mew was busy, as was Gulf, that didn't mean Mew hadn't thought a lot about the younger man. He wanted to make sure that tonight went smoothly. He'd tidied the house from top to bottom and had stocked up on fresh lube and aftercare cream, since Gulf wanted to be spanked. Honestly, Mew wasn't sure if they'd get around to actually having sex tonight but he wanted to be prepared just in case.

  
There was still a few hours before he had to pick the younger man up and so Mew headed to take a shower. He was excited about tonight, knowing that Gulf trusted him with this stuff meant a lot and he did feel a level of responsibility as the one with the most experience to ensure Gulf was safe and comfortable but he also wanted to have a good time. They both clearly enjoyed their last two encounters and so he allowed himself to relax as the water poured over him. Tonight would be good, there was no reason to stress about it. 

  
By the time he'd showered, dried his hair, and gotten dressed it was time to leave. He'd thankfully had enough foresight to leave with plenty of time to spare and arrived at a little after six pm. He was briefly stunned when the younger man answered the door, Gulf was wearing a simple sweater and black jeans but he looked so handsome. Mew knew he was staring but he couldn't help it.

  
"Hey, are you ready?" He looked up and saw Gulf blushing prettily, the younger man nodded shyly. 

  
"I'm ready Phi, let's go." 

  
......

  
They'd arrived at Mew's place a little while ago, Mew was sitting on the sofa and Gulf was sitting on his lap. They were kissing, Gulf rocking his hips as Mew's hands clung to the younger man's waist, helping to guide his movements. Things were getting more heated as both men were growing harder with each passing second. Mew allowed his hands to roam upwards, one holding Gulf's cheek and the other resting on the back of his neck, holding him close as the kiss deepened. The broken moans and whines that were leaving Gulf's mouth in a steady stream were beautiful and left Mew wanting _more_.

  
"Why don't we move into the bedroom?" He asked, his voice roughened with desire. Gulf's eyes met his own and mew saw a reflection of his own desperation reflected in the other man's face. Gulf's pupils were fully dilated, his face was flushed a pretty pink, his mouth was plump from their kissing. He was stunning and Mew was captivated.

  
"Yes please Phi, take me to bed," Gulf's voice was breathy, needy. It was exciting to be wanted so badly by someone so beautiful. Mew pushed Gulf up and then led him into the bedroom, this was finally going to happen. Gulf felt himself shiver slightly as he stood in the center of the room.

  
"Are you okay? What's your colour?"

  
"It's green Phi." 

  
"Then take off your clothes for me." There it was, that firm, authoritative tone that made Gulf feel small, exposed, and breathless. The change happened so quickly, it was impressive how easily Mew could slip in and out of dominant mode.

  
"Okay Phi." He did as he was told and felt Mew's eyes on him, despite his slight embarrassment, Gulf also felt sexy like this. The man sitting in front of him couldn't tear his eyes away and for a man like that to be attracted to him, well it made Gulf feel _good_.

  
"What did you call me?"

  
"I'm sorry Daddy." 

  
"Good boy," the tone of voice softened ever so slightly and Gulf felt warm all over. Mew's praise made him feel good, made him want to behave so he could recieve more of the older man's approval. He began to remove his clothes, feeling the man's eyes on him was thrilling, exciting. Truthfully, Gulf usually hated being the center of attention, hated being observed. When Mew looked at him though, it made him feel sexy, alluring. He liked it.

  
"A few rules before we start. One, you can't come without permission. Two, I expect you to count out loud as I spank you. Three, tell me if you want to stop straight away. Do you understand?"

  
"Yes Daddy."

  
"Good, come here and lay on your front," Gulf's cock twitched as realized this was actually happening. He did as he was told, not wanting to receive punishment from the older man.

  
Gulf lay on his front like the good boy he so desperately wanted to be and felt Mew get up and off the bed. The older man rummaged through a set of drawers and pulled out the lube and condoms they'd used during their previous encounters, as well as a pair of handcuffs. Just the sight of them made a stream of pre-come ooze from Gulf's cock. He bit back a moan as he felt Mew's weight on the bed again, the man leaning over him and grabbing his wrists. Mew locked a cuff around his left wrist, lead the chain around a piece of wood that made up part of the headboard, and clasped the remaining cuff around Gulf's right wrist.

  
"The key is right here" he'd said as he'd placed in on the bedside table, right where Gulf could see it. As Mew spoke, Gulf pulled at his restraints, testing the strength. He was unable to move unless the older man set him free. It was so exciting, Gulf had never given up this much control before. He was finally getting to do things he'd always wanted to try but never thought he'd be able to. Here he was, able to experience things he'd only seen in porn, things he'd jerked off to many times, slightly bitter that _those_ people were able to be so confident and open sexually while he _couldn't_. Now he didn't have to be bitter or jealous because he was doing the things he'd always wanted to do with none other than Mew, a man who was devastatingly handsome and knowledgeable. If Gulf was being completely honest with himself, the older man's expertise was a turn on in itself.

  
He was quickly brought out of his thoughts when Mew's hand landed on the soft flesh of his ass, kneading him roughly. The older man hadn't struck him yet, he'd only grabbed at him yet this alone caused Gulf to gasp. It made him feel used, as though he was Mew's property, existing solely to please the other man. He felt a rush of shame as it dawned on him that he was _getting off_ on feeling objectified, on laying here for someone else to use and enjoy.

  
"What's your colour sweetheart?"

  
"Gr- it's green Daddy." Gulf barely got the words out before he felt Mew's hand smack against his ass. The slight shock of it caused him to desperately rock his hips against the mattress and _whine_. It was so good that he almost forgot the rules Mew had set for him.

  
"One, Daddy." Another, firmer smack landed on the other cheek and Gulf moaned once again. He already knew he'd be a crying mess by the time they were finished.

  
"Two, Daddy." Yet another smack landed upon his flesh, each time Mew spanked him, the strikes increased in strength. Every time the strength increased, Gulf felt himself barreling closer towards the point of no return. The experience of being dominated like this was so overwhelming that the pain and submissiveness alone was pushing him close to that edge he so badly wanted to fall over. He hoped Mew would leave marks that would linger for days, Gulf wanted physical evidence of this evening to remain with him for days to come.

  
Thr- three Daddy."

  
"You're being so good for me sweetheart. Amazing, you're amazing Nong. You look so pretty like this, I can already see my hand prints on your skin." Hearing the praise, being told he was a good boy by Daddy like this was a lot to process. He subtly pushed his ass back as far as he could manage, desperate for more. Turns out he didn't have to wait long.

  
"Ah! F- four!"

  
"Behave, or I'll leave you here all alone. Keep still. And address me properly." A part of Gulf panicked, not wanted to be left alone right now.

  
"I'm sorry Daddy. Please don't leave me, please. I'll be good but please don't leave, I don't want to be left alone." Gulf _knew_ he was begging, there were tears in his eyes and his voice was wobbly as he tried to get a hold of himself. He lay still, feeling small and vulnerable. For a moment, he almost wanted to pause what they were doing. Almost. Then the older man spoke.

  
"Shh, it's okay Nong. You're doing so well, Daddy won't leave you," Mew's voice was soft, low and it was comforting. He ran his hand delicately over Gulf's skin in an attempt to soothe the younger man, "are you okay?"

  
"Yes Daddy, please don't stop."

  
"Okay, remember we can stop this if you need to."

  
"I know Daddy," Gulf wanted to get back to where they left off but he highly appreciated Mew taking a second to check in on him like this. He managed to pull himself together and the atmosphere changed back again. 

  
Gulf was struck again, this time on his upper thighs. 

  
"Ah fuck f-five Daddy." Gulf was losing it, he was moaning so loudly that he was grateful Mew's house wasn't connected to another person's home because he had no doubt that if there were neighbors, they'd be able to hear him. The older man had been allowing him to grind his hips against the mattress since they'd began this and the little movement he was allowed was providing him enough stimulation to come if this went on long enough. 

  
By the time they'd reached the fifteenth count Gulf was sobbing, he knew he'd made a mess all over Mew's bed sheets. There was drool, tears, and pre-come everywhere. His whole body was flushed red and he was covered in a layer of sweat. He'd pulled so much at the handcuffs that his wrists were reddened and sore by this point. He'd also never felt this good before in his life.

  
"Fifteen, fuck Daddy I'm close, _please_ let me come. Please please _**please**_ ," his voice was barely comprehensible, he was so far gone.

  
"If you can be a good boy and can make it to twenty, Daddy will allow you to come." Hearing the words gave Gulf something to focus on, a goal to reach as well as the promise of reward if he managed to get there.

  
"Okay Daddy."

  
"You're such a good boy for me Nong."

  
By this stage, Gulf's ass and upper thighs were bright red, the skin was stinging and heated. It was a little hard for Gulf to understand _why_ he even liked this, it hurt, he was in pain and yet his cock was achingly hard and each strike forced broken moans and gasps from his throat. He might not understand it, but that didn't mean he wanted this to end.

  
"Hit me again, please."

  
"Fuck, look at you. You really like this huh? You're actually getting off on me hitting you, you're pathetic you know that right?." Gulf wanted to kiss the older man right now, he felt humiliated but he liked it so much and he appreciated Mew slipping it in to sessions here and there because he _never_ pushed it too far, never made Gulf feel so ashamed or pathetic that it was unpleasant. He trusted Mew enough to know that the man would _absolutely_ stop if asked. It was nice to experiment like this, play around with the desires he'd always had in an environment which was so safe, so non-judgmental.

  
He cried out as Mew hit him again, he was delirious, totally overwhelmed and was thankful they'd reached this point and that he'd be allowed to come soon. He was sobbing as he forced his brain to engage enough to count out loud, just as Mew had asked him to do earlier.

  
"Six- sixteen Daddy." Gulf tried to speak clearly, he really, really did and he thought he did a pretty good job considering how much he was crying.

  
"Good boy, you're doing so well for me Nong. Just a little longer okay?"

  
"I can do that Daddy."

  
"I'm so proud of you." There was more Mew wanted to say, something he felt and wanted to share but he held himself back. Now was not the time to get into his deeper feelings for Gulf. What was more important was the two of them getting through this session safely and happily, he'd think about those feelings later, when they were settled in bed and Gulf was sleeping. It was still too soon to express them, to be so open with Gulf emotionally like that. 

  
When he'd heard Gulf begging him not to leave earlier, he'd slipped out of Dom mode briefly. He had managed to pulled himself back in, he knew that Gulf had specifically asked for this and he didn't want to ruin the night because of his own feelings but at this point it was undeniable that he cared very genuinely about the younger man. Seeing his panic like that had brought forth an urge to protect _so_ strongly that he'd wanted to undo the handcuffs around Gulf's wrists and hold him close. The urge had been so powerful that he'd almost hoped Gulf would put a stop to it. He hadn't and so Mew continued to dominate him, he kept extra close attention on the man laying on his bed and was sure to shower him in praise. It wasn't a difficult thing to do considering how much he cared about Gulf.

  
Mew brought his hand down again, slightly gentler now because he imagined Gulf's skin was sensitive and he didn't want to cause any real lasting pain. Honestly he just wanted Gulf to feel good, he ignored his own erection the whole night and was completely fine with continuing to ignore it in favour of making the younger man feel good. If he really needed to, he'd jerk off later because by the time Gulf came, the younger man would surely be far too drained to do anything else tonight. And that was okay.

  
"Seventeen Daddy. Please, I need to come. It _hurts_." Mew would usually keep going, would usually deny a partner the right to come until they'd reached whatever rules he'd set unless they said a safe word but he didn't feel that was fair here. It wasn't like he'd set a specific limit at the beginning when he set the rules, it was Gulf who'd asked for this and so his pleasure was most important. Gulf really had done so well, Mew wanted to reward him.

"Okay okay. I'm going to set you free now, try and turn around for me alright?"

  
"Okay Daddy."

  
Mew reached for the key he'd set on the cabinet by the bed earlier and as gently as he could manage, unlocked each cuff. He inspected Gulf's wrists and realized they weren't too bad but would need some of the cream he'd bought to ensure they'd heal up quickly since the skin had broken a little in some spots. He then helped the younger man turn over so that he was laying on his back. Seeing Gulf wince slightly with the pain was unpleasant but Mew focused on what was important right now and reached out for Gulf's cock, which at this point was an angry red and leaking pre-come steadily. It didn't take much to push the man over the edge, just a few stokes and Gulf was desperately pleading for permission to come.

  
"Shh baby, it's okay. Come for me." Gulf did, he whimpered as ropes of come finally spurted from his cock before landing messily all over his stomach. Mew knew he was going to have to clean them up but as he went to stand up he felt a hand grab at his arm and pull him back

.  
"Sweetheart I need to clean you up and make su-"

  
"Don't go, please Daddy. Just stay here with me, please." 

  
"Phi's right here baby, I'm here. You did so well tonight you know? Phi is really proud of you. I’m just going to take off my clothes and then I need you to turn over again so I can put some cream on all the places you're feeling sore, it'll help a lot I promise. Can you do that for me?"

  
Gulf managed to flip himself over with Mew's help, he felt the weight of Mew’s body join him again. The older man gently pushed his legs apart and sat in between them before gently massaging a cream into his skin. It felt good, Gulf couldn’t help sighing, feeling happy and relieved. Tonight had been so intense, he didn't think he'd have been able to make it all the way to twenty but P'Mew was still proud of him, still praised him. The cream felt nice and the moment of quiet allowed him to calm down significantly. This was different from the last time. Last time, Gulf broke down in Mew's arms afterwards whereas now he just felt so exhausted and overwhelmed that there were no tears left. He was so drained he could already feel himself drifting closer and closer towards sleep but he forced his eyes to remain open.

  
Apparently, Phi was satisfied with the amount of cream he'd rubbed into Gulf's tender skin and he asked him to turn one last time. Gulf only barely managed to do so and when he did, he was pulled into a warm embrace. He liked this, he felt so safe in P'Mew's arms and so he buried himself even closer, until there was no gap left between their bodies.

  
"Thank you for letting me try this Phi. I liked it a lot." Gulf felt stupid, he couldn't find the words to express how grateful he was, how much he'd truly enjoyed what Mew had just allowed him to try. 

  
"Hey, it's nothing Nong. I meant what I said too, you really were so good. I'm lucky that you let me do this with you." N'Gulf looked up at him and Mew wanted to kiss him and so he did, pressing a series of gentle kisses across the younger man's cheeks, nose, and finally hiss mouth. Nong giggled and the sound was potentially the prettiest thing Mew had ever heard in his life. Mew shifted them slightly so that he was laying on his back and Gulf was on his side, he didn't want Gulf to lie on his back and be in any pain throughout the night.

  
The younger man seemed to be too sleepy to manage a shower or even have Mew wipe him up and so he held the man close and allowed him to sleep. They could always clean up tomorrow morning.

  
"Hey Nong? I have something to tell you," Mew _knew_ this was fucking stupid. They'd had sex twice, they'd done _this_ , and went on one date. He guessed hearts were strange because he didn't fully understand his feelings but he knew that the thought of Gulf doing this with another man caused a spike of jealously so strong to course through him it left him breathless. Thankfully, it appeared that Gulf was sleeping since there was no response and the man's breaths were coming out steady and even. Maybe it was okay to leave this until tomorrow too. Or maybe tomorrow would come and he'd choose to do the sensible thing and keep his thoughts to himself. Right now Mew didn't really want to stress about it and so he let himself fall asleep too, keeping his mouth shut was the best move for now considering now overwhelmed Gulf already was.


	8. chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the longest chapter so far, I hope it'll be ok :))) think of it as a celebration of Mew's single being released soon i guess (I chose to cut it where I did bc it was already so long and so there will be more conversation about their relationship + making things official in the next chapter!! the way mew confessed is something that I’ve felt before when u just wanna get it all out + then your so happy things didn’t get fucked up that u kinda forget the conversation in the moment??) I should say that I don't play video games at all so forgive me when you get to the gaming bit, I didn't want them to play a specific game bc I'd just get it all wrong so just imagine they're playing a generic shooter type game and they're a team together idk. Also i'm thinking maybe i'll be brave and link my twt one day so people can come and cry about mewgulf with me :))))

It was early when Mew woke up, the sun hadn't fully risen yet and so in the hazy light of dawn he had plenty of time to lay in the warmth of the bed he and Gulf were sharing and just _think_. He so desperately wanted to open up to the younger man, to tell him how he felt but he was _afraid_ , what if their arrangement was purely sexual for Gulf? What if the younger man only saw what they had as an opportunity to experiment and live out fantasies he'd always had but never had the chance to try until now? If Mew was here simply to fulfill this purpose he could accept that, he _really_ could. He'd quietly and happily provide an environment for Gulf to experience new things and keep his own feelings to himself. He knew his home was a safe place and that there were men out there who would take advantage of Gulf's naivety, his lack of experience. There were men who would use him to chase their own selfish desires while not taking care of the younger man, men who would potentially even look to purposefully cause Gulf harm. The mere thought of Gulf getting hurt triggered an overwhelming sense of discomfort and anger in Mew, he could definitely settle with being used as an outlet for sexual experimentation if it meant keeping the younger man safe.

  
Mew couldn't fathom hurting the man asleep in his arms, whenever Gulf showed the slightest indication of discomfort during a session, Mew would feel an overwhelming need to comfort and protect, to remind the man that all he needed to do was use the safe word and the session would immediately stop and Mew would hold him close and take care of him. While he had _always_ cared about his partners comfort and well-being during sex, with Gulf this care was magnified to the nth degree. At first, he'd assumed it was just because Gulf was so inexperienced, the younger man hadn't even known about safe words when they'd first started this and _that_ was why he cared so much. After all, if he was the first person Gulf was doing this with, Mew wanted him to have a positive experience. He wanted the man to be aware of safety precautions and his right to say no if he was ever uncomfortable. Deep down though, he _knew_ there was more to it than that. If his feelings were simply a result of Gulf's lack of experience, Mew would have had no reason to want to spend time with him without the expectations of sex, he would have no reason to want to go on dates with the other man, to help him with his school work, check in on him throughout the day, listen to Gulf talk about his anxiety, make sure he was sleeping and eating enough. Mew cared about him, there was no use denying that at this point.

  
Today would be their second date, and he wanted to make it as special as he could. He wanted to spend the day doing Gulf's favourite things. Mew remembered that Gulf loved the cakes from the cafe they'd went to last Sunday and it was still early, he knew that the younger man liked to sleep and so he decided that he could quietly slip out of bed, throw some clothes on, drive the short distance and get them some cake for later. It was a small gesture, he knew but if it could make Gulf smile he figured it would be enough, he could always come up with something else for them to do, something special. Mew didn't know if he'd muster up enough courage to tell Gulf how he felt, but he could definitely _show_ him. The younger man probably wasn't going to awaken until 10 am at the earliest and it was only 8 am right now so somewhat begrudgingly, Mew removed himself from the comfort of the bed and made sure he hadn't woken the other man before scribbling a quick note, letting Gulf know he'd popped out and would be back shortly, just in case he did wake and thought that Mew had left him alone before quickly dressing and heading out.

  
It was in this very cafe that Mew had briefly opened up about his past relationships. He'd given Gulf the short version, perhaps because the short version didn't require him to analyse his own behaviours. Mew had been cheated on and dumped multiple times in the past, the first few times it happened, he could pretend that the fault was purely with the other party but the more it happened, the more he had to accept how unfair this point of view was. Mew had taken time to really look into his own actions with past partners, there was one recurring theme and that was how _clingy_ he could become. Mew could play the part of a man full of confidence, power, self assurance well during sex but he wanted more from a relationship. He wanted to give and receive love, affection, tenderness. A relationship should be more than sex he thought, he enjoyed sex but it ceased to become fulfilling if there was no feeling behind it. Mew didn't always want to be rough with the men he'd dated, sometimes he wanted to make love to them, watch movies in bed with them, he wanted to be _soft_ with them sometimes. Unfortunately they usually didn't want that to the same extent.

  
He arrived at the cafe short while later, grateful that Sunday morning traffic was non-existent and there was no queue when he entered the building. Mew knew Gulf's favourite was the red velvet cake and so he picked a slice of that for the younger man and for himself chose a slice of matcha roll cake. 

  
"You're the man who was here with Gulf last week, aren't you? He's a good boy you know," the lady at the counter had said to him.

  
"You know N'Gulf?"

  
"He comes here often, he almost always chooses the red velvet cake. He told me that no matter what happens, I have to keep baking that cake because it's his favourite."

  
"He told me it's really good so I wanted to buy some for him, he stayed over at my place last night and he's still sleeping so it's a surprise, I wanted to do something special with him today but so far this is all I've came up with." She looked at him with knowing eyes and a kind smile as he blushed slightly.

  
"Listen to me, that boy gets excited over cake and hot chocolate, it won't take grand gestures to make him happy. You like him, don't you?"

  
"I- yeah, we have an... arrangement I guess you could say but I'm not really sure he feels the same way as I do. I don't know if he likes me the way I like him." Mew was a little embarrassed at the conversation. The woman was older, maybe in her fifties and she was kind so he found it easy to talk to her but at the same time he felt a little like a school boy talking about his crush instead of a man approaching thirty.

  
"He looked happy last week. Gulf usually comes here alone to study, you're the first person I've ever seen here with him. As an outsider I'd say his feelings were pretty clear but the boy is shy. I think you'd be surprised if you talked to him about how you feel." Mew wanted to, he just wasn't sure if he'd like Gulf's reaction.

  
"I want to tell him, maybe if the mood's right I will."

  
"Good luck! Now off you go before he wakes up and sees that you're missing."

  
"Okay, thank you."

  
Food bought and paid for he rushed back home, hoping to get there before Gulf woke up. Mew hoped the younger man was still sleeping, he hoped that he could take his clothes off again and quietly slip back under the covers and keep the little surprise a secret. More importantly, he hoped Gulf wouldn't wake up and think he'd been left all alone. He'd hate for Gulf to not see the note and assume Mew would leave him after the younger man had been so open and vulnerable the previous night. Thankfully, by the time he arrived back home it was only 8:45 and as he entered the bedroom, he noticed Gulf still sleeping peacefully. As quietly as he could manage, Mew stripped down to his boxers and climbed back into bed after discarding the note into the bin. Almost immediately Gulf sighed happily and snuggled closer. Since it was early and a Sunday morning, Mew allowed himself to sleep for a little while longer.

  
......

  
Gulf woke up feeling a little sore, flushing as memories of last night rushed back. P'Mew was holding him and he felt so _safe_ in the older man's arms, it was warm, he felt protected in a way he'd never felt before. He'd quickly began to realise that Phi had a quality about him that was so comforting despite how dominant the man could become, even during those moments P'Mew made Gulf feel relaxed and at ease.

  
He thought once again about Mew's ex boyfriends. Gulf wasn't jealous, rather he was angry at them. P'Mew was handsome, ridiculously so and Gulf wondered if that was all those men had seen in him. If they'd reduced him down to his looks and his abilities in bed. Truth be told, Gulf _didn't_ know the full story about any of Phi's breakups but it frustrating to know that those people had been welcomed into P'Mew's life in a way that went beyond sex yet they chose to hurt him. Gulf hoped that one day he and P'Mew could properly date. He liked the older man so much and so desperately wanted domesticity and for them to have little mundane moments together. The thought of washing dishes or doing laundry with someone had never appealed much to him until now. 

  
As he lay there and let Phi sleep, he let himself imagine them doing couple things, he thought about how if they were together he could tell Mild and the others. A part of him almost wanted to show the older man off, to make it known that a man as handsome, intelligent, kind, and gentle as P'Mew wanted him. Of course it was irresponsible to think this way. Phi might not feel that way about him, the older man might decide that he wanted things to stay as they were - meeting up on a Saturday night for sex and then having fun on the Sunday. P'Mew was caring, but maybe he was like that with everyone, Gulf didn't want to be presumptuous. He just hoped Phi didn't see him as childish, immature, too young.

  
Gulf didn't know how long he'd been laying there but he was brought out of his thoughts when the older man began to stir. 

  
"Hey sweetheart, how did you sleep last night? Are you hurting anywhere?" P'Mew sounded concerned about him, the older man really was so caring. Whoever Mew decided to spend the rest of his life with would be so lucky.

  
"I'm okay Phi, just a little sore but it's fine."

  
"Turn onto your front for me, Phi will put some more cream wherever you're hurting darling." Gulf did as he was told and felt the older man gently push his legs apart before sitting in between them and begin massaging the cream into his tender skin. It felt good, so much so Gulf almost moaned in contentment.

  
"I have a surprise for you, let me finish doing this and I'll show you. Then later you can take a shower, you were so tired last night that I didn't get the chance to get you cleaned up. The cream should soak into your skin pretty quickly and then the bathroom is all yours. Is there anything you'd like to do today? We can do whatever you'd like, can go anywhere you want." Gulf's heart was fluttering wildly in his chest. Frankly, all he really wanted to do was stay here all day and play games, maybe watch a movie. As long as it was with Phi, he didn't mind what they did.

  
"I'm happy to do whatever Phi, we can play a game if you want."

  
"Hm okay, first why don't I make us some breakfast while you shower? I'll make pancakes for you if you like?" 

  
"Okay Phi, that sounds good." Briefly, Gulf thought about how nice it'd be to wake up next to P'Mew every morning. To have the older man cook him breakfast and then washing up together. He quickly dismissed the thoughts.

  
P'Mew got up from the bed and dug around in his wardrobe, he pulled out a t-shirt and pair of sweatpants, as well as clean underwear.

  
"Well, make yourself at home. You know how to use the shower, just don't turn the heat or pressure up too high or it'll hurt you okay? Be careful. I'll be in the kitchen if you need me. You can wear these when you get out, they should fit you." Gulf didn't really want to leave the warmth of the bed but he did want to feel clean and so he eventually gathered the energy to drag himself out of bed and stumble slightly to the bathroom. A part of him wished that P'Mew would shower with him but he dismissed this as a selfish thought, he didn't want to feel this needy and so he chose not to think about it and go to freshen up.

  
As Nong showered, Mew focused on cooking breakfast. He wanted to tell the younger man how he felt but what they had right now was good and Mew didn't want to fuck things up. He'd been psyching himself up all morning and he knew that if he didn't do it today he'd probably never do it. Gulf deserved a man who was honest, who wasn't a coward. Maybe they would talk over breakfast and the mood would be just right, Mew could say how he felt then. Or maybe he could wait until shortly before dropping Gulf off at the dorm building, at least then if it ended in disaster they'd be apart long enough for them both to calm down, it wouldn't create an early end to their day together. He decided that yes, waiting until later was the best idea. Right now, he wanted to make Gulf the breakfast he deserved.

  
It was around twenty minutes later that Mew heard Gulf join him in the kitchen. The younger man looked pretty in Mew's clothes, with damp hair and skin reddened from the heat of the shower. If Mew wasn't cooking he'd struggle to stop staring but as it was he didn't want to burn their food. It was pretty much ready now, he turned off the stove and plated the pancakes before placing them and some syrup on the table and joining the younger man, who had already sat himself down at the dining table.

  
"They smell so good Phi," Gulf had said excitedly before digging in and enjoying his breakfast, he looked so cute Mew thought for the hundredth time since meeting him. The two men were quiet as they ate their food, Mew not wanting to lead the conversation into dangerous territory just yet. Later, he reminded himself.

  
......

  
Breakfast finished and dishes washed, the men were now sitting in Mew's living room. They'd been playing video games for a little while and Mew had quickly learned just how heated Gulf could get while playing, it was such a stark contrast from the younger man's usual sweet, shy demeanor that he was a little taken aback at first. Now that he'd had a chance to become accustomed to it, Gulf's behaviour was rather charming in it's own way. Mew unfortunately also learned that he was a little out of practice regarding this particular game and had been killed multiple times. 

  
"Ah! Phi! C'mon, we're gonna lose if you don't move faster! Where are you?"

  
"Sorry Nong, I'm over here, by the empty building. I'm trying but this guy won't leave me alo- fuck! He's just killed me Nong."

  
"Hold on Phi, I'll get him! Come here fucker, you're gonna regret killing P'Mew!" N'Gulf's brows were furrowed in concentration and he let out a frustrated groan as he attacked the player who'd killed Mew. Once Gulf had successfully gotten rid of the offending player and Mew's character had re-spawned they continued playing and had finally managed to win a game.

  
"Yes! I've killed him Phi, c'mon we really need to win at least one game."

  
They played a while longer and somehow had managed to kill a horde of enemy players before returning back to the empty building to take cover while they finished off any stragglers.

  
"Ahhh! We're actually gonna win! You go over to the other window and make sure no one sneaks up on us. I'll stay here and take these ones out." Mew decided to do as he was told and went over to the opposite side of the room they were in, just in time it turned out as two enemy players had just shown up and would've definitely killed them if he'd moved any later. He shot at them and they both went down.

  
" _Eventually!_ Ha! We finally won," Gulf had said. He sounded pleased with himself and Mew couldn't help but laugh at the younger man. It was funny to see him being so bold. Mew hadn't realized how serious Gulf seemed to take gaming.

  
"Phi needs to practice more, I'll be better next time Nong just you wait."

  
"It's okay Phi, I'll fight anyone who kills you! I won't let them get away with killing P'Mew!"

  
"I'm so lucky to have Nong by my side" Mew said, laughing. Gulf flushed a little, he knew P'Mew was talking about the characters in game they'd just played but it was still nice to hear the words. 

  
"Hey, can I show you your surprise now?" Once Mew asked, Gulf's face lit up excitedly and Mew truly believed the younger man's smile and sparkling eyes were the most stunning thing he'd ever seen. The sight was so beautiful that his heart did a little flip in his chest.

  
"Of course! What is it Phi?"

  
"Ah, you'll have to wait a second. I'll go and fetch it now." Mew was worried Gulf would be disappointed when he presented a simple slice of cake in a polystyrene box, especially since the younger man had already ate the cake many times. Suddenly he felt a little shy about it, this was childish and silly and Mew was a twenty nine year old man. 

  
"Here you go Nong," Mew handed the box over and as Gulf opened it, his eyes opened widely and the beautiful smile from earlier made itself known on the young man's face again.

  
"Phi! When did you buy this? You really got my favourite cake. Thank you so much!" The younger man put the box to one side for a moment before pulling Mew into a hug. He didn't know when the man had bought the cake but the fact that Mew had remembered his favourite flavour and had thought enough to get him some made him feel good, knowing that the older man listened to him and took in bits of information about the things he liked. 

  
"Hey, you're welcome. I woke up early and went out to get it this morning while you were sleeping. I got myself some too. Why don't we eat it now? I'll make us some tea to go with the cake." Gulf eventually let him go and Mew dragged himself away and back into the kitchen to prepare some tea and find some plates and forks. He briefly turned to look at Gulf and the man looked so happy that he found himself wanting this to be his everyday life, so much so that he decided today was the day he'd take the risk and tell the beautiful man in his living room how much he liked him.

  
"Here you go, sweetheart." Mew handed Gulf his cup of tea and the two of them sat in a comfortable silence as they ate. Gulf moaned as he took the first bite and Mew couldn't help but be drawn to the sound.

  
"Mmm oh my God Phi this is so good. Here, you try some." Gulf held the fork in the air as he waited for Mew to eat the food from it. Mew ate the cake and as he did so, felt Gulf's eyes flicker down to his mouth, quickly he swallowed and pulled away. He'd never get around to confessing if the mood turned intimate, concentrating on his own cake seemed more appealing in the moment even if he noticed the younger man's mouth form a slight pout.

  
They'd finished eating and Mew was about to get up and turn on the television, hoping to find a film they could both enjoy before he regrettably would have to drive the younger man home. It was then that Gulf spoke.

  
"Thank you Phi. I know you might not think it's a big deal and that it's just cake or whatever but it means a lot to me. No one has every really surprised me like this before, well Mild has a few times but that's different. I hope you know that it's not just a slice of cake, it shows you listened to me back when I told you it was my favourite. You even woke up early to buy it. On a Sunday! Sunday is the day you're meant to spend in bed for as long as possible." Gulf wished he hadn't said any of that, he was coming off as weird and a bit too much and so finally his brain kicked in and he stopped talking. He gathered up all his bravery and looked up at P'Mew. The older man's eyes were fixed on him and he had a slight blush to his cheeks. Mew wasn't saying anything and Gulf panicked, worrying that he'd just fucked up.

  
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said all that I-"

  
"I have something I need to say to you, I've put it off for long enough but I have to tell you, even if it messes things up between us." Gulf felt tears gathering in his eyes as he waited for Phi to cut things off with him.

  
_'It's okay, this isn't the first time a guy has ended things with you, you've gotten over it before and you'll get over it again'_

  
"I know it's still fairly early days and that what we have is still so new but I like you a lot Nong. It's frightening to me because the way I feel shouldn't be normal, not this fast. I think about you _all the time_. Whenever you're not here I miss you so much, I can be sitting watching a movie on an evening and I always end up thinking how much nicer it'd feel to have you here by my side. People see me as someone who'll be rough with them in bed and so they expect me to provide that for them which I'm happy to do but I want _more_ , I want to be soft sometimes, I want a relationship that's based on more than just the sex. My last relationship ended six months ago and to be honest since then I've felt so lonely at times but now? Waking up next to you on a Sunday morning is something I've started looking forward to, when you message me I can't help but to smile like an idiot. You make me not feel lonely anymore. I'm not sure if I'd call it love yet, but I _do_ know that I care about you _so much_ and whenever we're together I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. Even just knowing I'll have to drop you off at your dorm building in a few hours makes me sad." 

  
He finished speaking and looked up, his breath caught in his throat. Nong's eyes had been glossy with unshed tears before but now they were streaming freely down his face. Mew desperately wanted to comfort the younger man but was hesitant to do so. What if he'd just fucked up immeasurably? In the end, Mew decided that soothing Gulf was more important than his own feelings.

  
"Hey, sweetheart? Are you okay? I'm sorry if I've just messed thi-"

  
"Stop talking Phi, please," Nong had said as he climbed into Mew's lap, "please kiss me." Mew was so surprised that he hadn't ruined things between them, that Gulf hadn't automatically asked to be taken home that he happily gave the younger man what he'd asked for. Gently, he reached out and wiped away the tears that had left Gulf's cheeks dampened before cupping the back of his neck and pulling him in close.

  
As they kissed, Mew felt his heart thudding in his chest. He'd already known how soft and full Nong's lips were but right now, it felt different, more intense. There was no heat behind their actions yet but instead a level of intimacy so all consuming Mew felt like the blood running through his body had been replaced with his feelings for the man on his lap. He sighed as Gulf pulled away, the younger man focusing his attention on Mew's neck.

  
"I like you a lot too P'Mew, so much" Gulf had murmured against his skin in between kisses, Nong's pretty mouth trailed kisses from the side of Mew's neck, up to his jaw, across his cheek, nose, before being pulled back to his mouth. Mew couldn't help the broken gasps and choked moans that escaped his throat as Nong shifted slightly.

  
"I wish I didn't have to go home Phi, I wanna stay here with you. I miss you too when we're apart. I wish I could sleep next to you every night, I always sleep better with you next to me."

  
"You can stay here whenever you want, I'll wake up early to take you to class. Please stop moving though, I'm getting hard."

  
"I don't care, you can fuck me Phi. Do whatever you want with me." Mew needed to put a stop to this, _right now_.

  
"That's enough. I don't want to fuck you, I want us to do this right Nong. You can stay tonight if you'd like, I can drive you to your dorm room so that you can collect your things for tomorrow. Only if you want to, I'm not trying to pressure you into staying." Mew's voice was firm and it seemed like Gulf had listened to him, the younger man ceasing the gentle but constant grinding of his hips.

  
"I want to Phi, please let me stay with you."

  
“Okay then, let's go and get your things now so that we've got the rest of the night free to ourselves. I want to be able to relax with you tonight, I'll even cook us dinner later and we can watch anything you want. If you're good for me I'll show you how much I care about you when we go to bed, I'll make you feel good, treat you the way you should be treated. I want to spoil you Nong. Wanna look after you the way you deserve. Let's head off now and we'll do whatever you want when we get back."

  
"Okay Phi, I'd like that a lot."

  
"Hm, so would I sweetheart."

  
Gulf smiled so brightly his face hurt, he was so excited to spend a domestic evening with P'Mew. He couldn't believe the other man liked him! If he was dreaming, this was the best dream he'd ever had and he was sure it'd get better once they returned to Mew's home and cuddled together on the sofa, ate dinner, and washed up together. Gulf was finally getting to experience the domesticity that came with relationships for the first time in his life. He was so so happy.


	9. chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again I apologise for the delay :((((( I hope this chapter is good enough to make up for the wait, things should become more frequent soon fingers crossed.

"I can't believe you really like me, it feels like a dream. I'm scared that I'm gonna wake up all alone and realise none of this ever happened." They'd quickly popped out so that Gulf could collect a few things from his dorm room that he'd need for the following day and now they were curled up on Mew's sofa together. Both men were dressed in sweatpants in place of the less comfortable pants they’d been wearing earlier and Gulf felt warm, happy, at peace. He felt ready to have a proper conversation about what they were feeling and their expectations for the future and so he decided he might as well initiate said conservation right now.

  
"I've been wanting to tell you for a little while now, I was afraid I'd scare you away or that you were only in this for the sex. I was scared you'd never feel the same way about me as I do for you. But I do like you, I like you _so much_ Nong." As the older man spoke, he gently squeezed his arms around Gulf tighter, making the younger man sigh happily. It felt so good to be in Phi's grasp like this.

  
"I like you too Phi, I'm not here just for the sex. I like spending time with you like this, I've been secretly hoping that one day we'd be able to be together for a while. You're so _good_ Phi, you're so kind and patient with me, I don't know many other people who'd be so happy to help me do my homework just because I'm too stupid to be able to do it on my own. Not only did you help with my work but you even listened to me talk about why I was upset and anxious and you gave me advice. Today you surprised me with my favourite cake, you sacrificed your sleep to make me happy. I sometimes think about those men who hurt you and I get so angry because _how could they?_ How could they get to be loved by you but not return that love? They were so lucky and they didn't see it." Turning his head to look at P'mew, the older man sighed and looked away.

  
"You say this now, but I'm not a perfect person Nong. I'm clingy and I need a lot of attention, I can sulk a lot and I get too invested in my work sometimes. You're angry with my exes now but what if we start dating and you realise they were right to leave? I mean, when enough people leave you you have to accept that the problem is most likely with you and not them" Gulf stiffened, how could P'Mew think his need for attention was a bad thing when Gulf was so willing to give it to him? The younger man wanted to shower P'Mew with so much love and affection, to repay all the care Mew had shown him so far.

  
"I _know_ you're not perfect, I'm not perfect either, no one is. I'm not a child though, I know relationships take work and compromise. I'll give you all the attention you need though. I'll video call with you all the time, I'll give you kisses and hugs whenever you want them, I'll be here to listen if you're ever sad or stressed, I'll come over when you're feeling lonely. Whatever you need Phi, I'll give it to you, you've been so good to me I want you to feel as loved as you've made me feel." Usually, talking about his feelings was difficult for Gulf but right here, he wanted his Phi to know how he felt and so he forced himself to push past his own discomfort and opened up.

  
"You really want to give me and you a try? Seriously?" Mew couldn't believe the situation he'd found himself in tonight, they'd been dancing around this long enough and it finally seemed like they were going to take the next step. He hoped that after tonight he'd be able to call Gulf _his_.

  
"I do Phi, I know it won't always be perfect and maybe it won't work out at all but we won't know if we don't give it a go and who knows? It might just be the best decision we ever make. I know I'm young and there's a lot I don't know or haven't tried but one thing I do know is that I'll never just use you for sex. You make me feel so safe when we... _do stuff_ , I know it's a normal part of your life but for me it's new, surely you know as well as I do that if you'd really wanted to you could have really hurt me. You didn't though, you protected me and never laughed at me or made me feel embarrassed afterwards when I cried and needed you close. I know you'll make me feel safe whatever we're doing, you made me feel safe the other night when you helped me with my homework. I'd been so anxious all day, it comes out of nowhere and sometimes it's so bad I feel like I'm suffocating but I felt a little better the moment I saw your face. Just having you stood at my doorway made me feel comforted.” It was nice, being able to talk about this big thing between them like adults. It reassured Gulf that P'Mew did see him as an equal, as mature which had been something that had worried him for a while, the last thing Gulf wanted was for Phi to see him as childish or stupid.

  
"I'd _never_ make you feel embarrassed, I've already told you that it's okay to cry or be needy after a session. Phi will always protect you. _Always_. If we take the next step I- could we be soft sometimes? I don't _always_ want to dominate you Nong, sometimes Phi just wants to be soft." P'Mew's eyes were downcast, focused on his lap and there was a light blush across his cheeks. The fact that P'Mew was shy blew Gulf away but he reminded himself that Phi was human, that it normal for him to have insecurities.

  
"I like being soft too," Gulf meant this, he thought about Phi and himself making love, kissing gently and cuddling in bed together after they finished. He thought about them eating more cake together, going to the park together again, teaching Phi how to get better at games. The thoughts made him feel warm all over, for so long Gulf had so desperately wanted to be loved and treated with tenderness and perhaps Mew didn't quite _love_ him _right now_ , but the older man made him feel what he imagined being loved felt like. "We can be soft whenever you want, I don't expect you to exist in this relationship just for one purpose, I know there's so much more to you than being dominant in bed Phi."

  
"Have you been sleeping with anyone else since we started this?" Mew asked, his voice small. He was still looking down at his lap and although Gulf wished the man would look at him, the fact that they were talking about this at all was good enough so he could forgive the awkwardness and shyness. The question caught Gulf off guard but evidently it was something that mattered a lot to the other man.

  
" _No_ Phi, it's just been you. I've not even considered having sex with anyone else, I've already given so much of myself to you that even if I wanted to sleep with other guys, I'd never be able to do it." P'Mew finally looked up at him, the older man's eyes filled with so much emotion that Gulf felt his heart thumping so hard in his chest that he was worried it'd burst through his rib cage. He felt happy in this moment, in the soft warm light and tranquil quiet of Mew's living room.

  
"I haven't slept with anyone else either, just you Nong. I'm so lucky you agreed to go home with me that night." Mew's voice was soft, quiet, almost like he was confessing a secret meant only for Gulf's ears. Upon hearing the words, Gulf snuggled closer to the older man. Really, Gulf _knew_ that P'Mew wasn't a flawless human who was permanently confident and free of insecurities but hearing the man talk right now, seeing how open and honest he was trying to be despite potentially feeling discomfort reminded the younger man that he and Mew weren't as different as he'd initially thought. 

  
"The way you touch me is- no one has ever touched me like that before. Even the first time we had sex the way you prepared me was different to how any other man has touched me. You're powerful and dominant but you were good to me even when we meant nothing to each other. I was surprised to be honest, the few men I'd had sex with before you rushed a lot of the preparation and it would _hurt_ and a part of me thought that was just how bottoming was meant to feel but then you came along and there was barely any pain, barely any of the _bad_ pain at least." Mew's hand reached out to cup Gulf's cheek, encouraging the younger man to look at him. When Gulf did, he saw so much concern in his Phi's eyes and it made him feel good, knowing the older man cared about him so much.

  
" _Oh_ sweetheart, I'm _so_ sorry they hurt you. You deserve so much better than that and I'm sorry that those first times weren't so good, that they didn't take better care of you and make you feel good. I'll show you how you should be treated tonight, if you'll let me be soft with you. I want you to know your worth and what you deserve so that no one will ever hurt you again unless you ask them to."

  
"I don't want anyone else to touch me anymore Phi, just you. Don't you think we could _try_ and see if things work out between us? Honestly I don't think that much would even need to change between us, we could still have sex, still go on dates, still wake up together some mornings, still video call and text each other. I know you're worried about wanting too much attention but I mean it when I say I'll give you all the attention you need, you've already taken so much care of me so let me look after you too. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be shown affection you know? You've already given me so much of that but you deserve it too." Gulf really hoped they could date, give themselves a label. He wanted them to belong to one another.

  
"I want to try Nong. Come here." As the older man spoke, he reached for Gulf and helped the younger man climb onto his lap. Gulf collapsed forwards, resting his weight against Mew's chest as Mew's arms reached around to hold him close. "You know, if we're gonna date properly you can come over whenever you want to, and I don't just mean once a week for sex. My home will always be open to you Nong, I'll always make time for you. Let me know what toiletries and stuff you like and I'll get you some to use whenever you're here."

  
"You don't need to buy me things Phi, I can get my own you know."

  
"I know darling, Phi wants to treat you though. I want you to feel welcome here, want you to feel cared for." 

  
"Mmm, just this once," Gulf whispered against Mew's skin. His face was buried in the crook of the older man's neck and he breathed in the scent of his Phi's skin, sighing happily. Gulf really didn't ever want to leave the safety and comfort of Mew's home, he'd be happy to live out the rest of his days with the man whose lap he was currently sitting on. 

  
"Are you hungry yet? I can start making dinner if you are. What's your favourite food? I'll go to the store if we need anything." Once again, the older man's thoughtfulness knew no bounds.

  
"I really like kaprao, Phi. We could order take-out instead though, you've been busy with your report and other work lately so I don't want you rushing out to the store and then having to come home and cook just for me."

  
"Mmm okay, I'll let you choose where we order from. Can I kiss you now?" 

  
"Yes Phi, please kiss me." Mew's hands gently cupped Gulf's cheeks and pulled him in close.

  
"I love your cheeks Nong, they're so soft and cute, they're extra pretty when you blush." As if on cue, Gulf felt himself getting a little shy at the compliment, his face flushing a little.

  
"See? _So_ pretty." Mew's voice was low, quiet and as soon as he'd spoke his lips brushed lightly against Gulf's own. The younger man trembled slightly before he flicked his tongue against Mew's lower lip, whining slightly as the older man granted Gulf entrance to his mouth. The kiss was slow but nevertheless, Gulf found himself enjoying it. The man beneath him was sucking gently on his plump upper lip and Gulf secretly hoped the pressure would be sufficient enough to leave the tender flesh bruised. He loved having physical evidence of their time together all over his body.

  
Mew pulled away from his lip in favour of deepening the kiss. Feeling the slick heat of Phi's tongue in his mouth was nice and so in a bold move, Gulf took hold of P'Mew's face and tilted his head upwards slightly to make for a better angle. He whimpered as Mew's tongue plunged deeper into his mouth. Feeling brave, Gulf broke the kiss and went for Mew's lower lip, tugging at the soft flesh and gnawing at it lightly with his teeth. The fractured moan that escaped his Phi's throat set Gulf's entire body alight. The man beneath him started kissing his neck and Gulf knew he was a goner, his breath hitched and his cock twitched in his pants as the kisses merged into little nips and bites, it felt so incredible that Gulf's hips ground down on their own accord. Both men gasped at the action as their erections brushed against each other.

  
"Ah- Phi I- it feels- fuck- _please_ don't stop."

  
It was different this time, now that they had talked and were seriously going to give dating a try. Knowing that the older man was interested in him in a way that went far deeper than just the sex, that Mew liked him and wanted to be here doing this even if it didn't progress further gave Gulf a sense of new found confidence. He no longer felt embarrassed about being intimate with P'Mew, about wanting to be kissed and held like this.

  
He wanted more.

  
"Did you want to eat now? Or could we go to bed first?" He locked eyes with the older man and noticed how Mew's pupils were so dilated that his irises looked completely black.

  
"The food can wait, it's still early. Come with me." Mew pressed at Gulf's shoulder, encouraging him to stand before holding his hand and leading him to the bedroom. Once they reached the room, Mew pushed Gulf down so that he was laying on the bed. The atmosphere felt different this time, whereas previously their actions had a degree of heat behind them, tonight felt intense for an entirely different reason as rather than a purely physical desire for each other, there was an emotion Gulf couldn't place, not quite love but close enough to it.

  
"Let me spoil you tonight Nong, I'll look after you, make you feel so much better than those other men did." Gulf noticed the hint of possessiveness behind the words, P'Mew's tone implied that he'd spoken the words for reasons beyond simply assuring Gulf that tonight would be enjoyable. He loved that even when Mew wasn't dominating him, that possessive streak never fully left. He wanted to reassure the other man, to stroke his ego a little bit.

  
"You've already made me feel so much better than they did Phi. You're perfect, so amazing." Gulf wasn't lying, it was scary how different it'd felt even the first time with the older man. Gulf felt _safe_ with Mew in a way he'd never felt as completely with the few other men he'd slept with. Also the fact the P'Mew was so good in bed helped, the older man had seemingly known exactly how to touch Gulf even when they were strangers to one another.

  
"Yeah? Lay down on your back for me darling." Gulf did as he was told and watched slightly dazedly as P'Mew began unbuttoning his shirt, kissing every available inch of skin as it was exposed. The man above him paused to suck a red mark on the skin covering Gulf's collar bone, the younger man gasping in surprise as his hand unconsciously reached out for his Phi's head, not wanting him to move on just yet.

  
"Leave some bruises on me, all the old ones are gone now Phi."

  
"Fuck Nong, okay." P'Mew murmured the words and Gulf felt the warmth of his breath against his skin as he spoke. It felt nice and Gulf couldn't hold back the whine that forced it's way out of his throat. Mew responded with a groan of his own and Gulf felt his cock twitch at the sound. Eventually, his growing desperation to feel Mew's bare skin against his own won out and so he let go of his hold on Mew's head and allowed the man to continue his journey down his body. The man paused one again, this time to suck at his left nipple as he rolled the right one between his thumb and index finger, the action dragging a sharp cry from the younger man as Gulf arched his back, trying desperately to get closer to the older man's warm, wet mouth. The response seemed to fuel P'Mew to keep going, sucking the sensitive skin harder than before, gradually sucks became bites and Gulf felt a shudder tear through him. Gradually, all the shirt buttons were unfastened and the fabric was removed and tossed to the side. Next, Gulf's trousers were taken off before Mew undressed himself.

  
Now both naked, Mew lay his body over Gulf's, Phi held his weight on his forearms but the older man's bulk still felt so perfect, Gulf was trapped beneath P'Mew, pressed firmly against the mattress and he loved it. He knew that right now, in this moment it was P'Mew he was sharing this moment with, that he could touch with complete freedom and so he did just that, dragging his nails across Phi's back hoping to leave some kind of mark of his own. The effect was immediate, Mew releasing a deep, throaty groan that went straight to Gulf's cock. Clearly, P'Mew was enjoying the moment just as much as Gulf himself as the man above him rolled his hips forward. Gulf moaned, shamelessly loud as he grabbed at Mew's ass, encouraging him to rock forwards more roughly.

  
Mew moved to kneel between Gulf's legs. He pushed the other man's's thighs apart gently before leaning forward and kissing the smooth skin, sucking love bites onto soft, tender flesh. Gulf was starting to lose the ability to think clearly but one thing he did know was that he was so excited to see the mottled, tender evidence of their love making all over himself tomorrow, he looked forward to pressing his fingers against them and feeling the dull pain.

  
"Isn't your ass still bruised from last time?" Mew'd been so caught up in the moment that he'd almost forgotten about their last sexual encounter together.

  
"Yeah but... Phi I can't really look at those ones, I- well I want ones I can see." He felt a little shy asking but not uncomfortable anymore, if he was being honest, his neediness was so all encompassing at this stage that Gulf couldn't bring himself to care about what the older man thought, he trusted P'Mew and knew that the man wouldn't judge him.

  
"Mmm okay, I'll leave so many for you sweetheart." Phi's voice was getting raspier with each passing moment and Gulf could feel the man's erection pressed insistently against his leg, the flesh hard and hot. The man spent a little longer time lavishing attention upon Gulf's thighs and hips, hoping to leave evidence of tonight that would last until they next saw each other. Nong cried out his name as he worked and the sounds went straight to Mew's cock, making him even harder than he already had been. 

  
Eventually Mew pulled away completely to retrieve the lube and condoms so that they could move things along. He returned to the bed a short moment later and admired his work, a series of red marks decorated his Nong's golden skin so prettily. N'Gulf's fingers trailed over them and he sighed softly until he appeared to notice the items Mew had set on the bed next to them.

  
"Phi I- you don't have to use a condom tonight. I want to feel you fully this time, please?" It'd been something Gulf had thought about for a while and since they were going to give dating a go he thought now was the right time. 

  
Phi didn't seem so keen on the idea.

  
"Nong, do you understand what you're asking me to do? You really trust me that much? I'm clean but it's still a big step. Shouldn't we talk about this first? I don't want you to regret it later."

  
"Won't it feel better for you without one?" P'Mew had given him so much, Gulf wanted him to have the best possible time too.

  
"Maybe it would but not tonight okay? Maybe next time. I'll feel more than good enough either way I promise."

  
"Okay Phi, can you kiss me?" Gulf decided not to push the issue tonight, ultimately it didn't matter that much and knowing that P'Mew was at least somewhat open to the idea of not wearing one in the future mollified him significantly.

  
"Of course I can sweetheart." Having Mew's mouth on his own felt so good that Gulf never wanted the moment to end, he wanted to kiss P'Mew forever. Pause time so that he could lay here beneath this handsome, kind man who he felt so strongly about for eternity. Mew's mouth was insistent but not too pushy against Gulf's own and he could confidently say that Mew was the best kisser in the whole world.

  
Gulf felt himself wanting to touch, the need to do so leaving him desperate and so it was only with slight hesitation that his hands moved to grab at P'Mew's shoulders, his hair, his ass; pulling him close and encouraging the man above him to rock his hips. Phi gave him what he wanted and the friction was so delicious Gulf's eyes rolled to the back of his head in satisfaction. The kiss was turning messy, sloppy, full of tongue; both men gasping and moaning into it. Mew took Gulfs wrists and pinned them to the bed, the action causing a wave of electricity of powerful to course through his body that for a moment his vision was completely blurred as he lost himself to the feeling.

  
After a few moments, Mew pulled away from Gulf's mouth and reached for the lube. The older man was sitting on his knees in between Gulf's legs and Gulf watched, unable to look away as the other man poured some of the slick substance onto his fingers.

  
"I'm going to make sure you enjoy tonight." Gulf didn't doubt him.

  
The younger man gasped as he felt the coolness of P'Mew's finger pressing gently against heated skin, the older man rubbed against his entrance, teasing before finally slipping inside. It was overwhelming, being connected like this, even if it was only a finger at this stage. He briefly thought about what they were doing and whether it'd feel different, more intimate now that they'd shared how they felt for one another. He wasn't really able to think for too long because Phi's finger began moving inside him. The man moved slowly, carefully and Gulf felt close to tears thinking about how the gentleness was born out of a desire to not hurt him but instead make him feel _good_. 

  
He felt impressed for having held himself together thus far, that was until Mew's mouth descended upon his cock, Gulf wasn't too sure if Phi was doing this to distract him from potential discomfort, or if he simply intended to increase his pleasure but was grateful regardless of the reason. The man licked at the slit on the head, collecting up the pre-come that had gathered there before swirling his tongue around the angry red skin of the head itself. The feeling was so pleasurable that Gulf couldn't contain the shameless moan that left him. The sound had apparently encouraged P'Mew as he took Gulf's entire length into his mouth, the younger man cried out as the head of his cock hit the back of Mew's throat.

  
"P- please- ah fuck! Please put another finger in me Phi. I need to feel more of you please please **_please!_** " Mew let go of Nong's cock to look up at him. The man on his bed now had pretty rosy cheeks, his eyes were watery and his mouth was now a deep shade of red, lips swollen from their kissing earlier. He was begging so prettily and Mew found it impossible to deny Gulf what he wanted.

  
"Shh baby, Phi's got you." He pulled his hand away to reapply the lube before slipping it back in, this time with another joining it. He paused briefly, allowing Nong a second to adjust before moving again. This time he sought out Gulf's prostate and soon as he found it the man on the bed rocked his hips against his hand, moaning loudly as he did so. Mew curled his finger against the gland, massaging it firmly as Gulf quickly began breaking down before him.

  
"God Phi it- it's ah, it's so f-fucking good, please don't stop."

  
"I'm not gonna stop darling, wanna make you come like this." Tears were running down Gulf's face and he was struggling to breathe as the older man touched him. It was so overwhelmingly good that he was genuinely worried that he was going to come right in this very moment before Phi could even make it to three fingers, the older man treated him so well, he deserved to come tonight too. Mew was thrusting the fingers in and out of Gulf's body, scissoring them gently to stretch the younger man out enough to prepare him to comfortably take his cock.

Mew had quickened his pace and soon enough a third finger joined the other two. He had been dancing along a precipice for a little while but now he was getting close to stumbling right over that edge. The fingers were pressed right up against his prostate, moving relentlessly against the bundle of nerves buried deep inside his body.

  
"Fuck I'm- Phi I- clo- close oh fucking God I- close Phi." Gulf rambled, his brain no longer in full working order as a pleasure so intense clouded his mind completely.

  
"Come for me, Nong."

  
It was as though those words had cast a spell over him, they took over Gulf's body and as soon as the left Phi's mouth Gulf no longer had control of his own body, his own orgasm. Almost as though he'd been conditioned to do whatever the older man told him to do, his cock released messy ribbons of come all over his stomach as a pleasure so overwhelmingly intense coursed through his body in waves that shook his body. He was distantly aware of how loud he was being and if he'd had more clarity of mind he might have been embarrassed about the strength of this orgasm that was produced only by P'Mew's fingers.

  
"Fuck, give me a moment please, I need a minute." He noticed Phi had put a subtle distance between them, not much but enough for it to be noticeable. The man reached for the bedside cabinet and pulled out a packet of wet wipes, ever so gently cleaning Gulf up in an attempt to not overstimulate him. It was pretty pointless since shortly the man would only make a mess all over himself again soon but he didn't want the younger man to feel uncomfortable as the come would soon begin to dry and stick to his skin.

  
"You can fuck me now Phi, I'm ready for you." Gulf still felt dazed but he was no longer so consumed by his orgasm that the thought of sex was too much. He thought back to the last time, Phi had made him come while ignoring his own erection, his own pleasure. Gulf was not a selfish man and so he wanted P'Mew to have his turn tonight. The man looked at him with an emotion in his eyes that Gulf didn't understand, as soon as it appeared it was gone and the older man retrieved the condom he'd sat down on the bed earlier, rolling it down his shaft before lubing up. He groaned as Gulf spread his thighs invitingly, allowing P'Mew to settle between his legs and line himself up, Mew had prepared him so thoroughly that he was able to push inside in one fluid movement. Gulf held his breath as they both paused to adjust to the tightness and fullness. 

  
"Breathe sweetheart." Gulf did as he was told, expelling air from his lungs in a heaving gasp.

  
"God, you feel so good inside me Phi. You can move now." Mew sighed in relief, he'd been holding himself back, not wanting to thrust too soon and risk hurting Nong. He'd promised to make N'Gulf feel good tonight, the last thing Mew wanted to do was hurt the man beneath him. Now that he had permission though, he didn't want to restrain himself. He pulled out almost all the way, before thrusting his way back inside the tight heat of Gulf's body. 

  
"Fuck, don't hold back Phi." As he spoke, Gulf's legs wrapped loosely around Mew's waist, changing the angle so that the next time the man thrust forward, he hit Gulf's prostate dead on. The impact was even more intense than it'd been from his fingers and Gulf shouted out in pleasure as his cock quickly began hardening again. It felt so unbelievably perfect that when Mew leaned forward to pull Gulf into a kiss that was so needy, desperate, messy that Gulf melted into immediately. He whined and gasped into Mew's mouth, already aware that he wasn't going to last long the second time either. It was indescribable, the feeling of having P'Mew inside him like this, the physicality of it was obviously good in a way that went far beyond any words Gulf could muster up, even if his brain was working at top capacity but he also felt so emotionally connected to the man who was on top of him, inside him, all around him. Tonight there was a noticeable change from the previous times and he guessed the feelings they'd quickly developed for one another played a significant role in that. 

  
Mew's pace increased and before long Gulf felt him getting close for the second time that night. Wanting to make Phi feel good, Gulf tensed up around him. The man above him let out a moan and the sound affected Gulf so strongly that he responded with a needy whine of his own.  
"I'm clo- I'm close sweetheart, not gonna last much longer."

  
"It's okay Phi, I, fuck, I'm close again too." It was so hot in the room, the weight of another man's body hovering over him, the feeling of Mew's breath against the skin of Gulf's neck was almost uncomfortable in the heat but he still clung desperately to Phi, not wanting him to disappear. A small part of him still worried that all of this was just a dream, if it was it'd be by far the best dream Gulf had ever had.

  
He didn't get long to think about it any longer as P'Mew's hand grabbed for his cock, jerking him off in time with his movements. It only took a few tugs before Gulf spilled over the other man's hand with a soft cry. He lay pliantly and utterly spent on the bed as Mew chased his own release, it came a few short moments later as his thrusts rapidly became messier and more uneven before he buried himself as deeply inside of Gulf's body as he could manage, stiffened up, and let go with a deep groan of Gulf's name.

  
......

  
Mew had pulled out and rolled off Gulf's body to lay beside him, both men sighed contentedly as they allowed themselves to gather their breath and cool down. As their breathing slowed down to normal and they came down from their highs, Mew finally managed to speak.

  
"Phi will run you a bath while I order some food, I'll get some menus in a bit and let you pick something from one of them, choose whatever you want okay? Right now though, I just wanna lie here with you for a while."

  
"Mm, I'd like to be here with you too Phi, don't leave me just yet." Gulf remembered their conversation from earlier that evening, about how Mew liked affection and so he collected what little strength his body still possessed and rolled onto his side so he could press soft kisses all over the older man's cheeks. "Thank you for tonight, you're a good boy you know? I'm so so happy to be here with you."

  
"I'm happy too sweetheart, I hope we can be together for a long time to come, I don't wanna live my life without you in it anymore." Gulf's heart skipped a beat, it was almost like their minds, thoughts had become one because he himself felt the exact same way. He'd known the man beside him for such a short amount of time yet the impact Mew had had on Gulf's life was immeasurable.

  
"You don't have to worry about that Phi, because I'm not going anywhere. You make me so happy, more than you'll probably ever know. Honestly, I'd would've had such a fun time tonight if all we'd done was watch a movie or something. I like being around you." Phi's face lit up with the most beautiful smile Gulf had ever seen, and when the man in front of him giggled softly, Gulf felt himself melting at how cute the sound was. Yes, he decided, he was the happiest man in the whole world right now.

"So... you're my boyfriend now?" Mew's voice was shy and his eyes were unable to meet the younger mans' and so Gulf allowed a smile of his on to make itself known on his face.

"Yes Phi, I'd like that very much." He held the other man's face in his hands and pressed one final kiss to his forehead. The moment was so happy that Gulf couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this content.

"How about I run you that bath now hmm? You can choose what you want to eat while the water is running." A part of Gulf didn't want to leave P'Mew's embrace, but the prospect of having a bath was exciting, he hadn't had the chance to lay in a tub full of water since he'd moved to university. Now he had the chance, he knew he shouldn't pass it up.

"Okay Phi, that sounds nice."

"Then it's sorted, I'll fetch you some fresh clothes too. You can take them in with you."

......

It was late evening, Gulf had bathed, they had both ate and now they were laying in bed, both men taking their usual positions but this time Mew had taken Gulf's hand in his own and interlocked their fingers. Gulf found himself liking how they fit together so perfectly, almost like they were made specifically for each other. The moment was peaceful and a comfortable silence permeated the air around them. Phi had opened the window and so a cool breeze fluttered around the room and Gulf was so exhausted that his eyelids were struggling to remain open much longer. 

"Phi, are you awake?"

"Yeah sweetheart, just about. Phi is really tired now."

"Me too Phi, can we go to sleep now?"

"Of course, I'll make you pancakes in the morning, that's a promise. Thank you for tonight, I'm happy we talked." So was Gulf, he made a sound sound of agreement before sleep finally won him over and he snuggled closer to P'Mew's chest. The man's steady heartbeat becoming his favourite sound to fall asleep to.


	10. chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its finally here!!! next chapter will have bdsm stuff in it so dw I've haven't forgotten about that aspect of this story, also there's a little angst here but it's a happy ending bc I'm an angst with unhappy ending anti

Mew woke up at 6:30 am, a small part of him felt annoyed at having woke at such an ungodly hour but now he was awake, he was buzzing with an almost nervous energy. He had planned on dropping Gulf off at his dorm and spending the afternoon marking papers and doing research, obviously things had taken a very different turn and he was now behind the schedule he'd set for himself. He briefly considered sliding out of bed and heading straight to his office area to get a couple hours worth of work done, he wouldn't get much done but it'd be something he reasoned with himself.

  
Once again though, his plans to be productive and push through the never ending mountain of work he had were dashed when Gulf snuggled closer, the younger man clinging to him so tightly Mew didn't have the heart to leave. He knew he'd regret it later when there was little time left and the stress began kicking in but for now all he wanted was to enjoy the quiet warmth of the younger man's body pressed up against his own. Memories of last night flashed through his mind and he was suddenly so overcome with happiness that his stress about work melted away. For the time being all that mattered to him was that his boyfriend was safe and warm and was sleeping soundly in his arms. Mew had learned how much Gulf liked to sleep and he didn't want to risk waking the man so early in the morning.

  
He'd let himself doze for a little while longer and then woke up a second time when he felt Gulf begin to stir.

  
"Do we have to get up now Phi?"

  
"I'm afraid so, I wish I could keep you all to myself in this bed but it's already 7am and your classes start at eight." Gulf huffed in obvious annoyance but reluctantly pulled himself out of the bed anyway.

  
"Can't I just skip my classes this morning Phi?"

  
"No way, I'm not going to be responsible if you fail your classes, c'mon. I have to teach at 9 am anyway. C'mon Nong, will some pancakes cheer you up?"

  
"Mm yes Phi." As much as Gulf wanted to sleep for _at least_ another three hours, he was hungry and P'Mew was really good at cooking pancakes and Gulf found that they were quickly becoming his favourite breakfast food.

  
......

  
Gulf had taken a shower and gotten dressed and as he walked along the hallway, the sweet smell of pancakes and syrup filtered through the air. The scent was so good that his stomach grumbled at him to hurry to the kitchen. When he reached the room he saw Mew standing by the stove, the man's hair was still sitting messily atop his head and it looked so soft that Gulf couldn't hold back the smile that broke out across his face.

  
_'That's your boyfriend cooking you breakfast while looking so soft and beautiful. You're so lucky to have him'_

  
Gulf only realised he'd zoned out when P'Mew gently nudged him and guided him to a seat at the kitchen table.

  
"Hey sweetheart, the pancakes are done now. Are you okay?"

  
"I'm good Phi, everything is perfect." He meant it, he was so happy he could feel a warmth spreading out over his whole being. Mew flashed a blinding smile that was so pretty that Gulf was mesmerized for a moment.

  
"Do you have any free periods today, I was thinking we could get lunch together?" Mew asked as he poured them both a drink, now that they were officially an item, he found himself wanting to spend even more time with the younger man. He was determined to keep his clingy nature in check but figured that spending a lunch hour with his boyfriend was okay.

  
"I'm free between 12:30 to 1:30pm Phi, I'd love to get lunch with you."

  
"Perfect, I'll meet you in the cafe by the library?"

  
"Sounds good Phi."

  
"So... do you feel the same as you did last night? About us?" Mew was silently praying to whoever would listen to him that Gulf didn't regret a word of their conversation last night, that he didn't regret the sex they'd had.

  
"Of course I feel the same Phi, did you really think you'd get rid of me that easily? I'm not going anywhere. I meant every word of what I said, you mean so much to me and I want us, I want me and you Phi."

  
......

  
Mew had taught a class that morning and since then, had locked himself away in the library and set to work marking papers and reading article after article, taking handwritten notes as he read. He'd felt stress creeping in around an hour ago as it dawned on him that he was going to be stuck here all day. Doing a PhD was stressful at the best of times, but right now Mew felt a little overwhelmed. He had a meeting with his supervisor in a week and he'd be expected to have read through all this research that sat in a stack on the table next to him.

  
In fact, he felt _so_ overwhelmed that his lunch date with Gulf slipped his mind

  
......

  
Gulf had gotten to the cafe across the road from the library about ten minutes ago and found a table for himself and Mew to eat at, He wasn't sure what time the older man would arrive and so after sending a quick text asking where he was, Gulf pulled out his lecture notes and began reading through them. It was currently 12:25pm so Phi could show up any moment, it was pointless trying to get any substantial amount of work done.

  
thirty five minutes later and Gulf had read the notes, P'Mew still wasn't here though. Gulf sighed, feeling a little upset. There was only half an hour left of his free period left, they wouldn't have much time together.

  
**Gulf: hey Phi?**   
**Gulf: are u coming or not?**   
**Gulf: if not it's fine, I'd appreciate it if u'd let me know tho**   
**Gulf: pls answer me**

  
A further ten minutes passed and still no word came from the older man. Gulf felt his eyes water slightly as he packed up his things and left, P'Mew clearly wasn't coming.

  
......

Mew had been attempting to make sense of this research paper for the last twenty minutes with little success when he was disturbed by Singto, a close friend he'd known since he'd began his master's degree.

  
"What do you want, I'm busy."

  
"Weren't you supposed to be at lunch with that guy you mentioned the other day?"

  
Shit, what time was it? Mew made it a habit to turn his phone off while he worked and so he had no way of knowing the time. He recognised how poor of an excuse this was and felt guilt and shame wash over him as he turned his phone on and saw the time. It was 1:40pm, he'd missed their lunch. As if to rub in the fact that he was a terrible boyfriend, his phone began chiming as messages from Gulf came through. The guilt made it hard to breathe for a brief moment and he frantically scrolled through his contacts, finding Gulf's number and hitting call as he collected his things and threw them into his backpack. He almost thought the younger man wasn't going to pick up and he could have cried from the force of his gratitude when he heard Gulf's voice on the other end of the line.

  
_"Hel-"_

  
"Gulf sweetheart, I'm so sorry I-"

  
_"It's okay Phi, I'm sure you're busy, don't worry about me."_

  
Mew felt frustrated with himself, it wasn't okay in the slightest and despite Gulf's words the younger man sounded upset. Mew's heart twisted uncomfortably in his chest upon hearing the man's small voice.

  
"It isn't okay Nong, Phi has been busy but that's a shit excuse. I let you down and I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have prioritised work over you."

  
_"Your work is important Phi, just forget it okay? I have to go now."_

  
"Nong, please. Can I take you home tonight?"

  
_"I have work to do, I'm sorry. Mild will kill me if I don't finish my half of our report."_

  
"Let me make it up to you I'll do anyth-"

  
_"Really Phi, it doesn't matter. Can we talk later? I have to go now."_

  
"Okay, I'm really sorry."

  
And with that, the phone call ended.

  
Mew didn't want to be here anymore, he wanted to rewind time and be back in bed with Nong Gulf in his arms, safe and happy. Instead, he headed home to sulk while he attempted to continue working.

  
......

  
Mew had managed to get through a good chunk of work, he still felt terrible about what had happened earlier and so in a stupid attempt to feel better he opened a bottle of wine and poured himself a glass, quickly downing the deep red liquid before pouring another, then another, then another, then before he knew it the bottle was empty. He didn't feel any better, in fact he only felt worse. He wanted to message Gulf, but the man had said he had work to do and Mew didn't want to bother him. He felt so shitty that he didn't even make it to his bed that night, instead falling asleep at the desk in his office.

  
......

  
Gulf hadn't lied when he'd said he couldn't come over that night, he and Mild had a joint presentation to do next week but Mild wanted Gulf's presentation slides early so that he could put everything together and sent Gulf a copy of the slideshow to print out himself. Now he'd finished that he called P'Mew, he didn't want to go to sleep without letting his boyfriend know everything was okay. The phone rang and rang, no response. He tried again ten minutes later, maybe Phi was in the shower. Still no response. Gulf was worried. Phi had always stressed the importance of communication between them yet right now he wasn't replying to Gulf's calls or texts. Something felt off.

  
Gulf didn't like it and so he called a taxi and twenty minutes later he was at Mew's house.

  
"C'mon Phi, please answer." It was cold and he'd been knocking on the door for five minutes, while that might not seem like a long time Gulf was beginning to panic and every minute dragged by at a snail's pace. Tentatively, he reached out to the door handle and to his relief it opened for him. At least P'Mew was home, although maybe that was a bad thing because Gulf had stood out here knocking with no answer for a considerable time. 

  
The interior of the house was dark, it was 10pm now, the sun having set long ago and Gulf felt his heart in his throat as he checked each room, looking for Phi without success. That was until he walked upstairs and found the office door open.

  
The first thing Gulf noticed was the stacks of paper lying around all over the place, P'Mew was an exceptionally tidy person, it was unusual that there'd be this much mess when he was working. The older man was sleeping, his body slumped forward so that his head was resting on the desk. It looked uncomfortable, he was even still wearing his jeans and Gulf desperately wanted him to be at peace. The older man had been drinking and Gulf had no idea how well the man could handle alcohol, just that there was an empty wine bottle sat on the floor which didn't help because Gulf didn't know how full it'd been when Phi started drinking.  
"Phi, c'mon wake up." Hesitating only slightly, Gulf nudged Mew's arm, gently at first and then more firmly until the man finally woke up.

  
"Nong? How did you get in?" His voice was slurred but Gulf was confident that he wasn't too far gone to hold a conversation.

  
"You left your door unlocked you big fool. You're lucky it's only me you know, what would you have done if I was a burglar?"

  
"I'm sorry about lunch, I-"

  
"Shh, c'mon Phi, it's okay. I was a little upset but I mean it when I say it's not something to get worked up over. I know, why don't you get changed into something more comfortable and I'll make you some tea."

  
......

Mew had drank a warm soothing cup of chamomile tea and was now in his pyjamas, warm and comfortable in bed.

  
"I'm sorry, I never meant to upset you but I've got so much to do and sometimes I feel like there's never enough time in the day. I'm not making excuses because I hurt you and that's not okay but I had my phone turned off and as soon as I realised what I'd done I called you. I have twenty papers to read and make notes on by Friday and I just don't have enough time Nong, there's never enough time and no matter how much I do there's always so much more and I-"

  
"Phi, listen to me, you can't do this to yourself. Please don't feel guilty about forgetting about lunch, I'm fine. Let me look after you tonight, okay? I know you have a lot on your plate but you need to take time for yourself too, your health is more important than any piece of work ever will be. I meant it when I said you can talk to me about anything that's bothering you. Please don't sit alone in the dark getting drunk when I'm only a phone call away okay?"

  
Mew couldn't believe how blessed he was to have crossed paths with Gulf, someone so kind, selfless, and understanding. He was suddenly so overcome with emotions, with guilt and stress and gratitude that he felt tears gathering in his eyes, tears that he was unable to stop rolling down his cheeks. For a brief moment he felt weak, crying about this but he reminded himself of what he’d told Gulf, that’s its okay to cry.

  
He wasn't able to stop the tears falling, but Gulf was able to take them away as quick as they fell.

  
His boyfriend kissed the damp tracks away, Gulf kissed his cheeks, his closed eyelids before kissing his mouth. The touch of their lips was so gentle, Gulf barely brushed their mouths together and Mew sighed softly. Gulf continued kissing his way down Mew's body, pausing every now and then to appreciate the hard muscle underneath warm golden skin. His boyfriend clearly took care of his body, worked hard to keep it looking this good. It hit Gulf that this view was his and his alone now, no one else was going to be allowed to touch the man laying beneath him like this again.

  
Eventually Gulf had worked his way down to the older man's cock, semi hard and still covered up by the fabric of his pyjama trousers. 

  
"If you're stressed, let me take care of you Phi, let me help you." Gulf wanted to be used tonight, he wanted to do something for P'Mew. Really, the younger man could live without coming himself, but Phi needed this, he needed to let go completely tonight.

  
"Okay Nong," Phi breathed out the words as Gulf reached for his waistband and pulled away the fabric of his pyjamas and boxers. Once he was greeted with the sight of the man's cock Gulf leaned his head forward and pressed a kiss against the head, tasting the salty pre-come that had gathered there as his boyfriend hardened further. He moved his attention away to the shaft and, using the tip of his tongue, traced the prominent vein along the underside. Above him, he heard barely there sighs and gasps, little intakes of breath. He wanted to hear more.

  
"You can fuck my throat Phi, I'm green." Gulf took a deep breath, giving himself a second before taking the head into his mouth and sucking as he waited for the other man to thrust up into his mouth. He didn't have to wait very long.

  
After a moment or two of sucking the head, Gulf felt a hand grab at his hair, holding him in place as Mew pushed his way down his throat. It felt so good, each breath was a struggle to take, his jaw ached from holding it open wide enough to take his boyfriends cock without accidentally hurting him with his teeth, his eyes watered and drool was gathering in his mouth and was beginning to spill everywhere messily. Mew wasn't moving his hips yet, just holding Gulf's head in place so that his head was at the back of the younger man's throat and his shaft was heavy on his tongue.

  
Eventually the need to breathe was overwhelming and so Gulf tapped against Mew's thigh. Instantly the older man let go of his hair and Gulf took in heaving gasps of air. He could only imagine how messy he looked in the moment. Any embarrassment he felt disappeared when Mew spoke.

  
" _God_ , you're so beautiful sweetheart. I lo- I mean I- I don't deserve you." Something flickered in the younger man's eyes at the cut off sentence, but it was short lived as his mouth went back and took Mew's length back into his mouth. Mew thrust up again but this time instead of holding his cock in place, he rocked his hips in a gentle rhythm that quickly gained pace. Gulf's perfect mouth and hollowed cheeks created the perfect suction and Mew felt himself losing composure quicker than he ever had before. He wasn't going to last much longer at all.

  
Gulf's tongue swirled around the head with each thrust and the older man whined as the sensitive nerves there were set alight. He could feel his cock twitching and jerking in the velvety heat of Nong's mouth and when Gulf moaned around the dick in his mouth Mew was a goner. With one last desperate thrust he forced his cock as far down Gulf's throat as he could manage before coming apart down the man's throat. Gulf greedily swallowed everything before gently pulling away, aware of how sensitive the older man must be feeling. Instantly he felt Mew's hands reach out to grab his face and pull him forward, their lips meeting in a desperate kiss. Mew needed this, as they kissed and he tasted himself on his boyfriend's mouth he felt the last remnants of his stress melt away. Gulf allowed him to control the kiss, following his lead as he pushed his tongue deep inside in a poor imitation of what he'd done with his cock moments before.

  
Eventually, Mew broke the kiss. Gulf had thought that Phi was going to drop the L word earlier but his boyfriend was stressed, tired, and probably a little drunk so he chose not to push the issue tonight, Mew would come out and say it when he felt the time was right and Gulf was more than happy to wait.

  
"I really am sorry about today, I let you down."

  
"It's okay Phi, I was upset that you didn't answer my messages but I don't want you to feel guilty about it forever, I'm okay now, I promise."

  
"I'll leave my phone on from now on, I'll always reply right away, I'm sorry."

  
"I know, and I forgive you. Let's sleep now Phi, you must be tired. I'll keep you warm tonight, it's too late and I don't wanna call another taxi tonight."

  
"You got a taxi here?"

  
"Of course, I was worried about you! You weren't replying at all and I was scared something might have happened to you and I had no one I could call to take me here."

  
"Let me make you come, it's not fair-"

  
"No. Tonight was all about you. About making you feel good. You've been stressed and you work so hard all the time and you deserved this, I'm fine I promise."

  
"Let me hold you at least."

  
"Mmm, that's something I can definitely do Phi."

  
Mew knew his stress would return soon, probably as soon as tomorrow when he'd have to leave the warm safety of his bed but he knew that he had someone so special, so understanding and loving by his side and that made things a little easier, a little less scary. He wasn't alone anymore, Gulf would always listen, always support him, always look after him. It was with this knowledge that Mew allowed himself to drift away with the man that he was sure at this point he loved. 


	11. chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've finally updated this story after like 3 months oops, sorry it's taken so long but i hope this update will be ok anyway. i had intended to complete my other chaptered work before returning to this but that ended up becoming longer than i'd initially intended so i'm doing my best to work on them concurrently.
> 
> just an fyi, there is safe-word use in this chapter but the bit preceding it isn't graphic and aftercare is carried out. pls be aware of this just in case it's something you're uncomfortable with reading.
> 
> finally, ppl have asked me plenty of questions about bdsm related stuff but i deactivated twitter so if you ever wanna ask me anything about it, until i find a better place to answer them, the comments section will have to do but one day i plan on writing a guide of sorts, it's just a question of finding a site to post it on, do people still use tumblr in 2020 or nah?? 
> 
> anyways, thanks for sticking with this one, never thought i'd write this much simply for fun akhfkd but i'm so grateful people are enjoying it !!!

Gulf had been dating Mew properly for three months now. In that time he'd met Mew's friends and Mew had met his, Mew had invited him to his family home and had proudly introduced Gulf to his parents and his sister. Initially Gulf had been nervous but that feeling quickly dissipated upon the realisation that these people were kind, that they respected him and appeared to see him as someone worthy of Mew's love. That night, as they lay together in Mew's childhood bedroom, Gulf learned that the older man had came out when he was just thirteen, and that his relationship with his parents never changed, if anything it seemed as though the event only made their relationship stronger.

  
Gulf hadn't said anything that night, but a part of him was overcome with jealousy. He'd waited until he'd left for university to come out, He'd denied himself so much out of fear of being rejected by those he cared about. His parents loved him, that much he knew but he also knew how they wanted him to meet a nice girl, fall in love, make her his bride, start a family. His mother had even tried to set him up with the daughter of a colleague but when Gulf met the girl he felt nothing. She was pretty, he supposed, but the observation was simply an objective one, Gulf himself didn't feel any attraction towards her, couldn't picture himself in a happy, fulfilling relationship with her.

  
For some time, he'd thought something was fundamentally wrong with him, as he grew into adolescence and noticed his friends take an interest in girls the feeling only became stronger. Why was it that they'd talk about the cute new female student in their science class or the pretty girl across the cafeteria yet when Gulf looked over, he just saw a random girl? Why was there no attraction or desire there for him? Then, when he was fifteen, he had somewhat of a realisation.

  
The day had began like any other school day, continued like any normal day until his history class. There was a new student who'd recently moved to the area and as the boy stood at the front of the room to give a presentation they were all required to do as part of their assessment he suddenly felt what he guessed his friends had felt whenever they'd discuss girls they liked. It scared him that he was having these feelings, so much so that he kept them to himself, never told a soul.

  
Over the following year, Gulf had gradually come to accept that his attraction to that boy wasn't a one off occurrence, that his disinterest in girls wasn't ever going to change - it wasn't that he just hadn't found the right girl or that he was just a late bloomer in that regard but that he simply liked boys. The newfound knowledge felt sordid and for a long time, he silently tried to come to terms with the feelings of shame and disgust. Eventually though, he left home for university and met Eye and Mild. Mild was gay, Eye was bi and both of them were out. It had been a blessing that Gulf had met them, they quickly became friends and the more time Gulf spent around them, the more he'd began to question why he'd felt so ashamed all this time. He wasn't disgusted by them, so why had he felt so disgusted with himself all these years?

  
It was a relief, having someone he could talk to, someone he could share this secret that he'd kept for years with.

  
"Hey, Mild?"

  
"Yeah? What's up?"

  
"I- um, how did people react when you told them you were gay?" Mild looked at him strangely and Gulf felt his cheeks heating up, his heart beginning to race. He was about to drop the issue, ask Mild to forget about it when his friend spoke up.

  
"They were more accepting than I'd thought they'd be. I had been worried about telling people but after I did, it was like a weight had been lifted. I felt so much better for getting it out there, it felt good to know I didn't have to hide who I was anymore."

  
"I'm gay." The words spilled out before Gulf could think to stop them, the tears also spilled out before he could stop them. Mild had been right, Gulf felt the lifting of that weight he'd carried around all these years.

  
"Come here," Mild pulled him into a hug and it was nice, they had a big heart to heart that night. Gulf opened up about how he'd felt about himself all this time and Mild reassured him, told him it was fairly common to feel ashamed but that there was nothing shameful about being gay, that love between two men or two women wasn't disgusting, was just as real and as valid as the love between a man and woman. Gulf had always known this, he'd never felt any hatred towards lgbt+ people yet he'd felt like his own feelings were something to keep buried, had feared that his friends, family, everyone he knew would all turn against him if they learned the truth about him. Speaking to Mild had helped him come to realise that the internalised homophobia he'd lived with for years was unfortunately fairly common but that coming out was a brave step and that now he was free of the people he'd grown up with, he could grow comfortable with who he was, could experience new things, could experiment, learn more about himself.

  
He'd done that, and it'd been so freeing but in the week since visiting Mew's family home, Gulf had been thinking more and more about how his parents would feel, to know his life was never going to pan out the way they hoped it would, that there'd be no daughter-in-law, no grandchildren from him. Mew's parents were so loving towards him, his sexuality didn't matter to them because he was their child and they'd accept him no matter who he fell in love with.

  
Gulf wanted that but he was so _afraid_.

  
......

  
Mew had always had a protective streak, he had always had a desire to look after those close to him, it was often uncontrollable, and he often tried to hold it back due to multiple exes telling him he was overbearing but it was just part of who he was. He hated seeing people he cared about upset, would go out of his way to take away their sadness.

  
Things had been going well between himself and Gulf, other than the one missed lunch there hadn't been any issues in their relationship but in the week since they'd spent the night at his home, Gulf had been _off_. 

  
The younger man had been spending the night at Mew's place more often than he stayed at his own dorm, he stayed so often that Mew had given his boyfriend a spare key so he could come over as he pleased. It had basically been their home for the last month and a half anyway, it was easier this way.

  
It was a pretty standard Friday evening, Gulf was coming over tonight, he had football practice on Fridays and so would usually get here by around 8pm. While waiting, Mew showered then prepared a quick meal for himself. Neither of them had anywhere they needed to be tomorrow and Mew really wanted to get to the bottom of what was bothering his boyfriend. Seeing the man he loved in distress had a knock on effect, made Mew himself feel distressed. He'd settled himself down on the sofa with some research papers and a glass of wine and had managed to read one of the articles in full when his phone chimed. Nowadays, Mew never turned off his phone, even when he was working, he'd never allow himself to let Gulf down again.

  
_**tua-aeng ❤️: Mild's dropping me off, omw home now so i'll see u soon xx** _

  
Mew's heart flipped at the word _home_. He knew Gulf was coming here, not his dorm.

  
**Mew: ok, tell him to drive safe. are u hungry? xx**

  
_**tua-aeng ❤️: no, want u to fuck me tho, need u to be rough tonight** _

  
**Mew: i want to talk, i knw smth’s wrong**  
**Mew: if smth is upsetting u, u can tell phi xxx**

  
_**tua-aeng ❤️: i'm fine** _

  
**Mew: i'm not stupid nong**  
**Mew: u've been off this whole week**  
**Mew: i love u n i'm here for u always**  
**Mew: pls can we talk?**  
**Mew: if u want we can fuck later but we're talking first**

  
Around one month ago, P'Mew had said the words _I love you_. He'd been the first to say it, Gulf was too scared of coming across as too much too fast, scared Mew would see him as childish for having developed such strong feelings in such a short space of time. His fear seemed ridiculous _now_ , they both said it often, openly. On the nights they didn't spend together they'd talk over the phone or video call but regardless, they never fell asleep without saying those three words.

  
_**tua-aeng ❤️: fine, love u too xx** _

  
......

  
"P'Mew? I'm back."

  
"Hey, tua-aeng. How was football practice?

  
"Mild's trying to bribe everyone on the team to vote for him as captain so I've heard his speech a few times too many but other than that it was good. I think I pulled my hamstring though, it's really sore."

  
"Is there anything Phi can do to help?"

  
"Nah, it's just a sprain. I just need to rest and keep an ice pack on it, I'll be fine in a few days."

  
"You should sit then, should we even be having sex? I don't want to hurt you even more Nong." Gulf had been stressed all week but he couldn't help but giggle at his Phi's worrying.

  
"It's a strained hamstring, I'll be fine I promise. It's just a pulled muscle Phi, nothing serious. I'll shower and then we'll talk."

  
Gulf stayed in the shower for half an hour but eventually knew he couldn't avoid talking much longer. Reluctantly he dressed himself in some clean lounge clothes, left the bathroom and joined his boyfriend in the living room.

  
"I made you some tea." 

  
"Thank you Phi."

  
Gulf had a habit of biting at his nails, he often did it in times of discomfort or nervousness and he was doing it right now. It was so habitual that sometimes he did it without even being fully aware. P'Mew noticed though.

  
"Stop that. You'll make it sore." Gulf didn't miss the authority in the man's tone. Phi had very quickly learned how to speak to Gulf in a way to make him listen. As he dropped his hand down to his side, he noticed the blood there, he'd not just bitten the nail, but the skin surrounding it and now there was a small trickle of the sticky red liquid.

  
"Oh, sorry." P'Mew left him alone for a moment in order to retrieve a plaster, quickly returning and ever so gently cleaning the tiny wound before dressing it.

  
"There, all better."

  
"You're lucky you know? That your parents are cool with you being gay."

  
"You mean, yours aren't?" 

  
"They don't know. They wanted me to settle down with a wife and have kids and here I am dating you. A wife could never make me happy like you do."

  
"Are they- do they have a problem with gay people?"

  
"Not that I know of, if they do then they've kept it to themselves."

  
"I think sometimes parents see their children growing up and they kind of want little kids around again so that's why they say stuff like that. I don't know your parents but I'm sure they love you and if they've never once said anything homophobic then I'm sure the fact that you like men won't change anything. You don't have to say anything until you feel ready but you might be surprised. And no matter what their reaction is, I'll be right here. I love you and I'll always be here for you."

  
Maybe it was _that_ , the knowledge that P'Mew would be with him, regardless of his parents' response was what gave Gulf the courage to do what he was about to do. 

  
"Would you like to come home with me for the first few days of summer break? I- you introduced me to your family but you still have to meet mine."

  
"I'd love to, if you're comfortable with it."

  
"I am."

  
**Gulf: hey mum, is it ok if i come home for summer?**

  
**Gulf: there's someone i'd really like you to meet, i met them at uni and they make me really happy. if it's ok with you and dad i'd like to bring them with me for a few days**

  
**Gulf: also, can you call me when you're free? there's something i need to tell you, it's important**

  
"I've just messaged my mum, asked her if I can take you home. And don't worry, I'll introduce you as my boyfriend. No lies."

  
"Is this what was upsetting you?"

  
"I- I'm sorry, I was being stupid. I saw how much your parents love you and how you came out so young and when I think back, I was so ashamed that I kept being gay a huge secret, I was so scared everyone in my life would start hating me and I guess seeing how accepting your family is just made me feel like there's so much I missed out on, I don't know. I'm sorry, I'm fine now, I promise."

  
"You weren't being stupid, it’s not surprising that you feel like you missed out on certain things back then but it’s not too late to tell the people you love. Did you eat on the way home? If you’re hungry I can cook for you."

  
"I'm not hungry daddy, I want you."

  
"Gulf, stop that."

  
"We've both been busy this week, we haven't spent much time together and I've missed you. Maybe tomorrow we could go out somewhere, spend the day together doing something nice but right now, I want you. You can't tell me you haven't missed sex too." Gulf pushed his lower lip into a pout, played coy and cute the way he knew P'Mew liked. 

  
"Get in the bedroom, take off your clothes and wait for me. I'll be in there shortly." Gulf's cock twitched in his pants at the mere thought of what was going to happen. He wasn't stupid, he knew exactly how to rile P'Mew up, how to bring out the dominant part of his boyfriend. One word was all it took and P'Mew would become authoritative, firm, a man who expected to be listened to, a man who would issue punishment if Gulf was to disobey or break a rule. Initially, Gulf was so clueless that he'd do anything P'Mew asked, he never wanted to disappoint the older man, would follow his every command. He still was a good boy for P'Mew, but now that they'd become more familiar with one another's boundaries, he felt comfortable with acting out just enough to experience reprimand. Set rules were never ever broken, but he'd push his luck sometimes. It was thrilling, knowing he could invoke such a strong reaction from his Phi.

  
Mew spent a little over fifteen minutes clearing away the pile of papers and washing the tea cup and wine glass before entering the bedroom. Nong had done as he'd asked, and so now he was being treated with the view of flushed golden skin that glowed prettily in the warm light of the bedroom, N'Gulf was stunning and every time Mew saw him like this, the sight took his breath away.

  
"Good boy. What do you want to do tonight?" Gulf had been stressing all week, Mew wanted tonight to be all about him. He'd do pretty much whatever Gulf wanted.

  
"Tie me up and fuck me, forget about prep I just want your cock."

  
"Nong I- are you sure?"

  
"It's what I asked for, right?"

  
They hadn't discussed this, Mew preferred them to discuss anything new beforehand but they'd had sex enough times that providing he used enough lube and took his time, he'd trust that Gulf would be okay, that he'd use his safe-word if it was too much. He'd fucked an ex with spit for lube and little preparation and everything had been fine that time and so despite his hesitations, he was willing to do this for the person he loved.

  
"What's your safe-word?"

  
"Red."

  
"Good. If you wanna stop, use it. Also, you can't come until I allow it, do you understand?"

  
"Yes."

  
"Yes what?"

  
"Yes daddy."

  
"Good, you're a good boy for daddy aren't you?"

  
"I- yes, daddy."

  
"Stay put." Leaving N'Gulf on the bed for a moment, he rummaged through a drawer and pulled out the handcuffs, a condom, and lube. When Mew had first started doing this, he'd never really considered the extent to which his feelings would change if love was involved but now, looking at the man he loved laying on the bed that was fast on it's way to becoming theirs, he _did_ feel hesitant about causing pain. People often misunderstood people like Mew, thinking they were abusive and sadly, he didn't doubt that some people used bdsm as a guise for abuse but over the years, Mew had learned about it's benefits. He understood the level of trust required to give someone complete and total control, to allow yourself to become helpless. He was aware of how freeing it could be. He also understood that if the trust didn't go both ways, the arrangement couldn't work. How could he ever put someone in such a position if he didn't trust them to tell him to stop if they were uncomfortable? If he couldn't trust them to tell him what they absolutely didn't want to do in hopes of simply pleasing him? He trusted Nong Gulf and so, after getting what they needed, joined the man on the bed.

  
"Hands up," Gulf did as he was told and Mew secured the cuffs around his wrists, with the chain looped around one of the wooden slats of the headboard, "good boy."

  
The praise was enough to make Gulf whine, he was so hard it was aching and hearing the firm voice calling him a good boy, it had him rocking his hips against the bed in a desperate attempt to find some friction. Mew allowed him to indulge himself for a moment, before reminding him of what he'd been told earlier.

  
"Remember, you can't come without daddy's permission."

  
Gulf couldn't be sure he wouldn't come from the stimulation and so he stopped.

  
"Please daddy, I need you." Gulf had been upset, jealous, stressed all week and so now all he wanted to do was forget about all of that.

  
"Shh, I’m here. It's okay." Mew took a second to slip the condom over himself and then, after applying what felt like half the bottle of lube over himself and Gulf's entrance. He slowly began pushing inside. 

  
"Ah!" He stilled, the sound that escaped Gulf was one of pain, not enjoyment. To this point, at least where pain was concerned, they'd kept things fairly tame. Mew wasn't a sadistic person, he didn't really get anything out of hurting people, he _did_ get something out of playing with power dynamics and control exchange. He could be in a position of power without inflicting pain. 

  
He attempted to push forward a little more, he managed to get a little less than half way inside before Gulf tensed, whimpered and so he stopped again. 

  
"I'm sorry, I-"

  
"Nong, what's your colour?" 

  
"Stop, I can't- red." Instantly, Mew pulled out and untied him. Nong was crying, wouldn't look at him.

  
"Nong, it's okay. You're okay." 

  
"I'm sorry, daddy I'm sorry." 

  
"Phi's here, you don't need to be sorry. I'm here and you're safe." 

  
"We can start again, you can keep going."

  
"I hurt you and you're crying." Gulf _was_ crying, but more out of embarrassment, of the feeling he'd disappointed the older man. He thought he'd be able to take it without any preparation but then P'Mew started pushing inside and he was so big and the usually pleasant burn of the stretch was too much, he hadn’t felt deliciously full in the way he usually did when they had sex but instead felt as though he was being split apart by the sheer size of Mew's cock. 

  
"Is there anything you need?" Mew's desire to protect was stronger than it'd possibly ever been. He wanted to soothe Nong, make him feel safe and comfortable again.

  
"Just please don't leave me." N'Gulf begged him and there was no way Mew would leave the young man alone, couldn't even imagine leaving him when he was this vulnerable. He didn't dare let Nong go, instead pulling him close, holding him and pressing soft kisses on the other man's reddened cheeks.

  
"I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. Do you need a drink? A blanket? I'll get your clo-"

  
"No! Don't go!"

  
"I'm not leaving the room, your clothes are just over there look,” he pointed to the pile of clothes by the bottom of the bed, “you'll be able to see me."

  
"Okay." Quickly, Mew threw on his own boxers before gathering up Gulf's lounge clothes and joining him on the bed again.

  
"Here you go, take a drink and get dressed okay? Phi loves you so much, you're safe with me." Gulf had managed to settle down a little, the sobbing had calmed down to much softer crying. He _did_ feel safe with P'Mew and as he came back to himself he allowed his boyfriend to help dress him.

  
"I really thought I wanted it, I watched a video and _that_ guy seemed into it, I thought- God, I'm so stupid."

  
"You're not stupid. Porn, it's not real. They'd probably prepped the guy before they started filming, make it look like they'd skipped it. If you ever want to try something that could hurt you like this again, we have to discuss it first, okay? Phi doesn't want to hurt you badly."

  
After a little while, Gulf had settled down further, was no longer crying at all. He thought about P'Mew, he loved him so so much. P'Mew was understanding, made him feel safe and loved, knew him well enough to have checked in on him the second the pain was becoming too much.

  
"Can we go to the park tomorrow? I want to go to your spot."

  
"Mm, course we can darling."

  
"Are you tired P'Mew?"

  
"Not really, if you want to sleep then I'll just get some research papers and sit right here next to you."

  
"I don't want to sleep, can we- can we try again, to have sex?"

  
"Nong, I don't want to hurt you-" the mere thought of hurting Gulf in a way the younger man didn't get any enjoyment out of made him feel sick to his stomach. There was a difference between the pain associated with something like spanking or biting, a pain accompanied by a rush of adrenaline, dopamine, oxytocin and pain that was just pain. Mew had no interest in inflicting the latter kind on N'Gulf.

  
"Not like that, I just want- we haven't done anything in almost a week and then tonight I messed everything up by asking for something stupid."

  
"You're not stupid. If you want to stop, you have to tell me, okay?"

  
"I will, I promise."

  
"Okay, lie on your back." Mew felt a little hesitant but told himself that if Gulf even showed the tiniest indication of pain, he'd stop and they'd watch a movie or something.

  
"Can I kiss you?" In response, Gulf pulled him close and nodded. Mew leaned forward until he could press his mouth against Gulf's own. Licking at Gulf's plump bottom lip granted him instant entrance to the younger man's mouth. Nong moaned softly and Mew greedily swallowed the sound.

  
They'd been kissing for a good ten minutes before Mew pulled away to undress both of their lower halves and reached out for the lube. He planned on making Gulf come with just his fingers, he could jerk himself off after he'd made sure Gulf was satisfied.

  
"Are you sure you want this, darling?" 

  
"Yes, please."

  
Mew had never used this much lube to prep someone before, he was absolutely going to need to change the bed sheets when they were done. He gently stroked at the skin there before slowly slipping his middle finger inside N'Gulf's tight heat, tonight wasn't about teasing or denying the younger man what he needed and so no time was wasted in finding Nong's prostate. Mew knew he'd found it when the man below him let out a sound that this time, was most definitely positive.

  
"There! P'Mew!"

  
Much to Gulf's frustration, Mew pulled out completely to apply yet more lube to his middle finger, as well as his index finger, he slid both inside this time. Almost instantly, he found Gulf's prostate again, making the younger man whine prettily and arch his back. As Mew looked at him; all flushed, full red lips parted, miles of smooth golden skin on display for his very own eyes he was reminded that this sight was his, that the man before him trusted him and always had. 

  
"You can come whenever you need to, you don't need to ask." Gulf felt so tightly wound, it wasn't going to take much to bring him to his peak. Phi was still touching him, his fingers were still pressed against his prostate and now P'Mew's free hand reached for his cock, stroking him. The combined stimulation was so good that Gulf was desperate to seek out both sources, thrusting up to push himself further into P'Mew's hand before rocking back down against the fingers inside of him.

  
"Please, please I need-"

  
"Tell Phi what you need, I'll give you anything you want."

  
"Need you Phi."

  
"Are you sure Nong?"

  
"Yes, please I- I need you."

  
"Tell me to stop if it hurts even just a little, okay?"

  
"Okay Phi."

  
Gulf was loose and slick enough this time that the stretch would be unlikely to cause any real pain, but there was still the fact that he could still be sore from earlier so after rolling on another condom, Mew took his time pushing inside. As he did so, he grasped the man's cock again, stroking him to distract from any discomfort.

  
"Is this okay?"

  
"Yeah, it's good. It's so good, so perfect. You're perfect, I love you."

  
Hearing those words, delivered in a breathy, whiny tone was pushing Mew close to climax. He wasn't going to last very long tonight. Gulf was closer though, Mew wanted them to come together, didn't want to push Gulf into overstimulation, didn't want to cause him any further discomfort.

  
"Phi I- I- I'm close, I'm gonna come soon."

  
Mew picked up the pace at that, got a little rougher in part to chase his own release and also to make the man below him come. It didn't take long.

  
Gulf's body was pulled taut, he was clenching down on Mew's cock and with a few more messy thrusts, they were _there_. Mew continued rolling his hips, letting them ride out their orgasms until Gulf started whimpering with the oversensitivity. Once they were done, he pulled out and threw away the condom before laying back down and pulling Gulf close.

  
"How are you feeling?"

  
"Good Phi, I'm good. 

  
"Would you like me to run you a bath?"

  
"Please, can you sit with me? I don't want to be alone."

  
"I'll stay with you, you don't have to be alone."

  
......

  
Gulf was sitting in a warm bath filled with bubbles, Phi was sitting on the edge of the bath tub, washing him in a way that felt almost reverential. He was gentle, thorough, soothing. By the time Gulf was clean and the water was beginning to cool, he'd calmed down enough to allow Mew to leave him to get dressed in clean clothes while his boyfriend changed the bed sheets that were messy with lube.

  
"Hey Phi."

  
"Hey, the bed's clean now, why don't we try and get some sleep?"

  
"Are you still gonna take me to the park tomorrow?"

  
"Course I will, we'll do whatever you want tomorrow. Why don't we go to the cafe and get some cake too? Whatever Nong wants to do, Phi will make it happen."

  
"Can we take a picnic to the park? The views are pretty and it's peaceful there."

  
"I'll make some sandwiches to take with us, we can stop off at the cafe and get some cake before the park too, I'll buy you as many slices as you want."

  
"You might regret saying that Phi! What if I want one slice of every cake they have?"

  
"Hm, will I have to take care of you if you get stomach ache?"

  
"I think so, Phi always takes good care of me."

  
"It's because I love you so much."

  
"I love you too Phi."

  
P'Mew pressed a kiss against the top of his head and Gulf couldn't recall a time he'd felt safer than he did right now.

  
......

  
Last night had been a lot for them, Gulf especially and so Mew allowed the younger man to sleep as he got up and went to prepare some food for them to take to the park. It was 9am so there was plenty time, he'd wake Nong later but right now, set about making sandwiches. As he prepared the food, he had a chance to think. Last night had made him realise a lot of things.

  
Firstly, he realised he'd never felt this way about any of his ex partners. He'd do just about anything if it resulted in Gulf's happiness

  
Secondly, he realised that they were never going to try something new sexually without prior discussion, he'd never risk upsetting Gulf like that again.

  
Finally, the biggest realisation he had was that he would be happy to always be soft, always be gentle and loving and slow. He'd always had a dominant side to him, but for Gulf, he'd ignore it if asked. He enjoyed all the sex they had and he was confident his boyfriend did too, that was in part what had brought them to this point but if Gulf _were_ to ever give him an ultimatum, Mew knew the decision would be easy. He'd choose to stay by Gulf's side, whatever the cost. 

  
"Good morning Phi." Gulf's voice was groggy, he must've just woken up. It was cute, Gulf was always cute first thing in the morning, even if he could be grumpy. 

  
"Hey darling, it's still early you know? You didn't have to wake up yet."

  
"I was thirsty, couldn't get back to sleep after I woke up. Can I have a sandwich? Just one?" They were for the picnic, but one missing sandwich wouldn't be a problem and so Mew easily conceded.

  
"Course you can have one tua-aeng."

  
"What time are we going?"

  
"I thought around 11? Unless you wanna go earlier?"

  
"Eleven sounds good Phi, do you want some tea? I'm gonna make some for myself."

  
"Okay sweetheart, thank you."

  
......

  
They arrived at the cafe they'd both become regulars at, the woman behind the counter, the one Mew had spoken to the morning he'd bought the surprise cake smiled warmly when they walked in together, hand in hand.

  
"What would you like Nong? You can choose whatever you want, remember?"

  
"I want to try the plum cake Phi." 

  
"Can I get a slice of the plum cake and a slice of the matcha roll cake, please?"

  
"Of course you can dear! What are you boys doing today?"

  
"We're heading to the park. I know a secret place there, no one knows about it so it's always quiet, Nong wants to have a picnic so that's what we're gonna do."

  
"Hey, I've been working on a new recipe, it's not for sale yet but I can give you each a slice. On the house too! I never thought my cakes would become part of someone's love story but the cake I made brought you boys together. So romantic."

  
"What flavour is it?"

  
"Blueberry cheesecake, it's one of my best recipes. Almost perfect if you ask me, it's not quite there so I could never charge my favourite customers for something that isn't up to my standards yet but the two of you can be my taste testers. Just let me know what you think next time you're here."

  
"Thank you so much, you're very generous. We'll take some please."

  
Cake bought, they walked the short distance to the park, once they reached the hidden spot, they settled a blanket and laid out the food and flask of tea Gulf had made. It really was beautiful here, you could see for miles and because it was atop a hill, the air was a little cooler, breezier. 

  
"My mum messaged me back, she says you're welcome to come and visit- well I mean, I haven't told her who I was inviting home, I didn't wanna do it over a text but I'll tell her over the phone. I don't want to hide who I am from everyone at home anymore." Mew thought for a second, about how scary if must feel to be in Gulf's position, to have kept this part of himself a secret from those who had known him best during his childhood and teenage years.

  
"As long as you're okay with it. I'm so proud of you by the way, I know it can be scary to come out. Do it in whichever way feels the best for you."

  
"Did you ever think there was something wrong with you when you were young? For not liking girls I mean? All my friends would talk about girls at school but I just never _got_ it, never understood the appeal. Before I realised why I thought maybe there was something like, medically wrong with me. It's stupid I know."

  
"It's not stupid, I- I think for me it was like, I knew I liked guys before I ever thought about girls. I can't really remember exactly when I realised but I just remember looking at other boys at school instead of girls so I never really thought about it like that."

  
"Do you ever think there's things you'll miss out on? Like having kids one day?" The question confused Mew, didn't Gulf realise there were plenty options out there for gay couples?

  
"If I ever decide I want children, I'll find a surrogate mother, or adopt. There's options people like us can take, not being attracted to women doesn't stop you having children you know? Is it something you'd want? One day?"

  
"I- I don't think so, I just- my parents want me to have children."

  
"You shouldn't have children for them, something that big, you can only do it for yourself. If you want children then those options are things you could look into, but if you're only doing it to please them, then don't."

  
"Do _you_ want children?"

  
"I don't think so, not yet. I don't know if I could provide a child everything they'd need from me yet. Maybe one day I'll change my mind but for now, I'm happy as I am."

  
Gulf was so grateful that P'Mew had shown him this place. It was easy to think here, he'd never opened up about these thoughts but here, with P'Mew, it felt easier to get it all out. Phi was so wise about this stuff. Maybe because he was older or maybe he really did just know a lot about many things. Either way, Gulf liked that he could always go to P'Mew for advice.

  
They spent several hours hidden away in their spot, they talked and ate the food they'd brought with them. By the time they were ready to head back home, Gulf felt more self confident than he ever had before. Phi had convinced him that whatever hang-ups he felt he had didn't exist, or if they did then they weren't a problem. No one was perfect but Gulf was perfect for him. 

  
Gulf was halfway through the slice of cheesecake when Mew surprised him with a question. "I've been thinking, do you have accommodation for next year? If not then maybe you could move in? I hope I'm not moving too fast but you stay over pretty much every night anyway. It seems silly that you pay for a room you rarely sleep in. It'd save you so much money."

  
"Yes! I'd love to, and not just because I'd save money. I like sleeping next to you more than sleeping alone." 

  
"Phi likes sleeping with you too."

  
"I love you Phi." 

  
It was around 5pm when they started packing up their things and headed home. Gulf liked the idea of Mew's place being home. The first time he'd been there they'd been strangers, knew nothing more than each others names. Now Mew was allowing him to move into his home. A home is a space in which you're supposed to feel the safest, the most at ease and P'Mew was inviting Gulf into his safe space. He loved Gulf enough to welcome him and his belongings into his apartment so that they could make it _their_ home, _their_ safe space, _their_ sanctuary.

  
Gulf couldn't wait for their life together to progress, he'd went from an insecure, inexperienced man who'd been closeted for the majority of his life to someone who was in a loving relationship with a man who respected him, cared for him, made him feel safe, happy. Someone who fulfilled him, allowed him to experiment without judgement, someone was always looking out for him, valued his well-being above anything else.


	12. chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this will be the last chapter of this story, it feels like a good place to end it. I might write some more of the little side pieces but I feel like the main story is pretty much complete now so I just wanna say thank you all so much for reading this and sticking around for so long despite an almost three month gap at one point. It's much appreciated, I promise !!

They were going to Gulf's family home tomorrow. He was _finally_ going to do this, the secret he'd kept from his parents for almost ten years was going to be revealed tomorrow. Phi had been reassuring and that helped so much but he was still terrified. Realistically, he imagined that they'd be fine with it, that most of his concerns were in his head, that the years of shame had effected him more than he'd initially thought but there was always the possibility, no matter how small, that his parents wouldn't understand, wouldn't accept him for who he was and who he loved. 

  
He'd been so nervous that he'd been unable to focus all day, he chose to skip football practice, asking Mild to cover for him, say he was sick. He figured it'd be better to not go than to be there but perform poorly. There was also the fact that all Gulf really wanted right now was to be with P'Mew; he loved him, felt safe around him. Phi made him happy, helped him relax. 

  
He also needed a distraction. One that only his Phi could provide him.  
  
  


......

  
  
It's basically the end of the semester, Mew has no teaching left to do now and it's Gulf's last day of classes before the summer break begins. They're going to the younger man's parent's home tomorrow. Gulf has been nervous about going, about facing his parents, coming out to them. While Mew didn't really have the same fears when _he_ came out, he does understand how lucky he was, still is, to have parents who love and support him regardless of his sexuality. He's aware that not everyone has that, that many people deal with internalised homophobia that only adds to the difficulty of being open and honest with others.

  
Gulf might be out to his friends, to Mew but that doesn't necessarily mean that he can't still struggle with coming out to everyone in his life. It's something you'll probably have to do multiple times and telling people who are part of the community is almost always easier than telling people who aren't, especially if you love them, if their support and acceptance is important to you.

  
"How are you feeling? About tomorrow?"

  
"A little scared, I- a part of me is pretty sure they'll be fine but I can't be absolutely sure and it's- I guess it's just a little scary."

  
"I understand, Phi will be right there, right by your side no matter how it goes. I love you."

  
"I love you too, Phi."

  
"Did you eat today?"

  
"I- no, I didn't have time. I had one free period today but I had to get a report finished so I spent the whole hour in the library."

  
"Right, I'll start preparing dinner now. You must be hungry."

  
"I'm not Phi, really I'm not."

  
"You haven't ate all day, I'm cooking dinner now. I want you to eat something."

  
"Fine, whatever."

  
"I- I know you're worried but darling, you still need to look after yourself. Let Phi take care of you. Please."

  
"I- okay Phi, thank you."

  
As P'Mew set about cooking their meal, Gulf took a shower. The spray poured over him and it felt soothing. The heat of the water was almost burning but it wasn't hot enough to be painful, it left his skin red, tingling. Standing under the hot water, with the pressure turned up so high the spray was almost pelting off his skin made it feel almost like he was undergoing a process of rejuvenation, like by the time he got out, he'd be a new person. Like the water cleaning his body could also wash away the worry, stress, fear he felt.

  
After realising he couldn't really hide away in here much longer, he turned off the water and dressed himself in one of P'Mew's t-shirts and a pair of sweatpants. Phi was actually slightly shorter than Gulf, but he was significantly broader and so his clothes were roomy, baggy. They smelled like P'Mew; made Gulf feel safe, protected.

  
"Hey darling, dinner is almost ready. Why don't you sit down? I'll get us some wine."

  
As they ate together, Gulf felt himself becoming more and more relaxed. This was nice, it was hard to believe that he was sitting down and having dinner with the man he loved - the man who loved _him_ in return - in their now shared home. 

  
Phi was good at bringing Gulf out of his head, whenever he felt anxious or stressed P'Mew would talk about anything: something significant that had happened to him that day, tv shows or films, stories from his childhood. His boyfriend had even started watching football a while ago, so they could talk about that. Gulf doubted P'Mew really cared about the game but he'd always watch Chelsea matches when he could, would check the scores at half-time and full-time. Gulf would often randomly receive messages from the older man letting him know if they were winning. Gulf appreciated his boyfriend's effort, Phi's willingness to engage with something that meant a lot to him, despite having zero prior interest in the sport.

  
In return, Gulf had delved deeper into music, would seek out new artists. Before, he'd listened to it casually, would play it as he studied simply for the sound. Now, he was a more active listener, payed more attention. He knew Stamp was P'Mew's favourite artist and so he listened to all his songs, they were nice he decided. He found himself enjoying them, would catch himself singing them as he studied or walked to campus.

  
They'd finished eating, had washed up together and were now settled together in front of the tv. There was a new drama Gulf had wanted to watch and it had now became a fairly common part of their routine to watch something together after dinner, curled up together on the sofa with a glass of wine each and something sweet to eat. 

  
It was nice, Gulf had never had this before, he'd never had someone hold him like this, never had this easy companionship that P'Mew so willingly shared with him. It made him feel comforted, like regardless of tomorrow's outcome, he'd always be loved by Phi. 

  
"Hey, Phi?"

  
"Yeah?"

  
"Thank you, for everything. I- I've never really had anything like this before. No one has ever been interested enough to stick around this long. This is the first real relationship I've ever had with anyone. Just- thank you." 

  
"I should be the one saying thank you. For always trusting me, even when we play rough."

  
"I trusted you from that very first night, I don't know why I just- I just did. I knew you'd never hurt me. You were good to me, even back then."

  
"Phi will never ever hurt you, not in a way you don't want me to. I'll always protect you."

  
"I'll miss you over the summer break."

  
"You can call me whenever, I'l always reply straight away."

  
"Yeah? Thank you, there'll be other things I'll miss though." As he spoke, he shuffled back slightly. They were laying on the sofa by this point, the way Gulf moved against the older man made his meaning pretty clear.

  
"Do you want to go to bed?"

  
"Please, please take me to bed Phi."

  
  
......

  
  
They'd discussed edging a few times since they'd started seeing one another. It was something Gulf had wanted to try but, for no particular reason, they hadn't done it yet. P'Mew seemed a lot more open to this than he had been to the idea of fucking without prep, although he'd obliged Gulf knew he'd been hesitant, worried about hurting him. 

  
This was different, there was no hesitation this time, Phi seemed pretty eager about the idea.

  
Gulf knew it was something the older man had done with others before him. The knowledge was exciting, made Gulf want to try it even more. This would be their last opportunity to have sex before the summer and since Gulf was staying at home across the whole break this year, it'd be a while before another chance would come along.

  
Plus, Gulf really did need the distraction.

  
Phi had told him to undress and then lay on the bed, he'd tied Gulf's wrists to the headboard. Simply hearing the older man tell him what to do had Gulf getting hard, with P'Mew it never really took much to get him worked up. He felt helpless as he lay bound before the older man, that feeling only serving to harden his cock further. There was nothing to fear here, he was safe and knowing that allowed him to relax as he handed control over to the man he trusted the most, P'Mew had always kept him safe whenever they did something that required his submission. Phi had never once taken advantage, always made sure Gulf felt good.

  
"You can't come until I allow it, do you understand?"

  
"Yes, daddy."

  
"Good boy, what's your safeword?"

  
"Red, daddy."

  
"Good, use it if you wanna stop."

  
"I will."

  
"Good boy. Tell me whenever you're close." 

  
"I will."

  
With the rules set and the reminder that if Gulf wanted to end this, all he needed to do would be to utter the safeword and it'd be over, they were good to go.

  
P'Mew settled on the bed with him, bottle of lube in hand, poured some of the liquid onto his palm, and wrapped his hand around Gulf's cock. Instantly, he felt himself jerk in Phi's hand, the little contact he'd been given so far already felt so good.

  
The longer Phi stroked him, the closer he felt to approaching the edge. As much as he wanted to topple over, to reach a climax that surely would satisfy him he knew he wasn't allowed. Phi hadn't given him permission yet.

  
"Close, I'm getting close."

  
He could've cried when the friction, the pressure around him suddenly disappeared.

  
After giving him a moment to be brought back down, to pull him away from that precipice, P'Mew's hand returned to jerking him off. Grateful for the returned stimulation, Gulf moaned, bucked his hips up into the older man's grasp. Phi knew how to touch him in just the right way, twisting his wrist on every upstroke, paying attention to the head, holding him tight but not overly so.

  
They went on like this for another five minutes or so, before once again, Gulf felt himself beginning to get closer to climax. A part of him was devastated at the knowledge that he'd once again be denied but he wanted to be good, wanted to make Phi proud, wanted to hear his praise.

  
"I- close."

  
The tears were beginning to gather in his eyes as the older man stopped touching him for the second time that night. He was aching, overwhelmed at being so close before having release pulled away from him for a second time. He was being taunted with something he wasn't allowed, almost there - so close, yet pulled away at the last minute.

They'd repeated the process a few more times, Phi almost stroking him to completion before stopping, bringing him back down and then returning his hand when an orgasm wasn't mere seconds away.

  
"P'Mew please." Gulf was begging, he was aware of how desperate it made him look but he couldn't find it within himself to care. He'd been hard for the past half an hour, his cock an angry red, leaking a steady stream of pre-come, and hurting. His desperation to come was overwhelming yet being unable to find relief was part of why this situation was so arousing. He had no say in when he'd be allowed to come, that was for Phi to decide and as agonising as this was, his desire to be a good boy and obey his Phi always won out and so here he was; a begging mess waiting for someone else to give him permission to come.

  
"What did you call me?" P'Mew asked, while steadily jerking Gulf's cock. The mix of pleasure and frustration was clouding Gulf's judgement, he knew that whenever they played like this, there was only one appropriate way to address Phi.

  
"Sorry daddy, please let me come, please please _please_ I'm so close." He was crying, sobbing, whimpering as Mew once again let go of his cock. He felt so removed from reality, his whole world reduced to this moment, his entire focus centred on being obedient and not coming without permission, despite the overwhelming need for release. He was so _so_ close that the slightest brush against his cock would be enough to push him over that edge. Taking deep heaving breaths he focused on the feeling of making his Phi proud, of being called a good boy, of pleasing the man who meant the most to him in this world. In moments like these, that was all that truly mattered to him.

  
"You're doing so good tua-aeng, just a little longer okay. Can you wait a little longer for daddy?"

  
Despite his words being gentle, P'Mew's tone was still authoritative. Deep down Gulf knew he could stop this if he really wanted to, all he had to do was utter his safeword and the scenario would end abruptly, Phi would give him what he needed and would comfort him as soon as they were done but he didn't want to stop. He wanted this to play out until the end. It would be worth it, it always was.

  
"Yes daddy" Gulf whined, tears were streaming down his face at this point and he could only imagine how he looked. He knew the skin on his face, neck, and chest was flushed red, he was writhing against his restraints, was taking deep gasping breaths in between his sobs. A small part of him felt embarrassed about just how needy he felt, he was so vulnerable in this moment but he felt secure in the knowledge that it was P'Mew he was doing this with, the one person he knew would always be there to protect him, always keeping him safe from harm. His current condition was a stark contrast to P'Mew's, the older man fully dressed and in total control, his breathing calm and even, his voice measured. A picture of dominance, power, and restraint. The obvious imbalance between the two men made Gulf feel small, pathetic and he loved it, he loved feeling this way, Loved handing control over to the one person he knew would never break his trust. 

  
"That's my good boy." Those words were spoken and Gulf _moaned_ , they soothed him and made him feel so loved. His cock twitched and his heart was thumping wildly in his chest, beating so hard Gulf was scared it'd give out on him.

  
Mew's hand went back to his cock as he returned to stroking him, Gulf's hips were bucking messily into the touch, his entire body jerking uncontrollably as he fought against the bindings holding him down. P'Mew made him feel so good, his touch was better than anything he'd ever experienced and Gulf wasn't going to last this time, his eyes rolled to the back of his head, he was pleading with the older man to finally allow him release. He knew he was supposed to tell P'Mew that he was close but his mind was too far gone, he was crying with the ache that constant denial had resulted in and so when Mew twisted his wrist just right Gulf lost it.

  
"Oh God, I'm gonna come- _ah!_ \- I'm coming." He cried out as his orgasm overtook him, ropes of come arching in the air and landing on his chest, stomach and Phi's hand. His vision blurred and it was so intense he really felt close to blacking out. He almost felt removed from his own body, the shocks of pleasure so overwhelming he couldn't stop crying. When he finally did come down from his high and entered reality again the shame hit him. He'd came without permission, how was Phi going to react? Would he be disappointed? Angry? He hesitantly opened his eyes and was greeted by Mew still sitting in front of him, looking at him sternly and he knew that this session wasn't quite over yet.

  
"I'm sorry, I'm _so sorry_ I-" Gulf started rambling, his panicked mind desperate to seek forgiveness.

  
"I don't recall giving you permission to come. I thought you were a good boy but since you wanted to come so bad let's see you do it again." P'Mew easily cut him off. Phi's hand briefly stroked at his cheek, a silent way of seeking consent. Gulf understood what P'Mew was asking and so nodded his head in response. The oversensitivity was close to unbearable but he wanted take his punishment and redeem himself, so he allowed P'Mew to continue stroking his cock. 

  
"Come for daddy again Nong, you can do it. I know you can, one more time and we'll be done and I'll hold you close, I'll look after you." Despite the pain brought on by the continued stimulation, Gulf felt right on the brink for a second time that night. Hearing Mew's words was all he needed and through a broken cry and streams of tears, his cock jerked in Mew's hand as he came again.

  
  
......

  
  
As soon as they were done, Gulf distantly felt P'Mew untying the bindings around his wrists, he lay and watched as the older man hurriedly undressed down to his boxers before joining him on the bed. Phi pressed gentle kisses against his temple, cheeks, eyelids. He whispered soothing words against Gulf's skin - he told Gulf how good he did, how proud he was of him, how beautiful he looked. P'Mew's fingertips ever so delicately brushed over his arms to caress his wrists, slightly red and sore from pulling against the metal that'd been used to tie him down. The speed of the change in P'Mew's demeanour as soon as a session was over brought Gulf a sense of tranquillity. It reminded him that regardless of how rough they played, Mew was tender at heart. 

  
"Wait a second, I'll rub some cream into your wrists." Thankfully, Phi didn't have to leave the bed to get the aftercare cream, he pulled the ub out of the drawer in their bedside table and and gently as he could manage, applied the soothing cream to the reddened skin.

  
"Phi, what about you? You didn't come." Gulf felt guilty, P'Mew had just made him feel so good, and despite feeling boneless and drained he wanted to return the favour.

  
"Don't worry about me, tonight was about you. I know you've been stressed this past week, Phi just wanted you to feel good tonight. Are you okay? Do you need anything?" Mew asked, his voice laced with slight but genuine concern as he asked he reached for the bottle of water on the bedside table, always present and within reach so that he wouldn't have to leave the younger man alone after sex. He tilted Gulf's head back a little and pressed the bottle to his mouth, encouraging him to take a drink.

  
After maybe twenty minutes, Gulf felt like himself again. He didn't always feel as overwhelmed as he'd used to, when they's started this.

  
"At least let me jerk you off, Phi. I wanna make you come too, I'll use my mouth on you, just lay down on your back. Or- could I get down on my knees for you?"

  
As much as Mew wanted to settle down, keep Nong safe and go to sleep, he'd been hard for some time now and the idea of finding release sounded good.

  
"You sure? You don't have to, I can take care of it myself."

  
"Yes, I want to. Please." Gulf seemed pretty adamant, he even climbed out of bed and got down on the floor as he waited for Mew to stand up.

  
Gulf looked stunning like this, kneeling before him. The younger was always attractive but like this? His plush, soft lips stretched around Mew's length; his pretty brown eyes looking up at him with such open desire, love; the flush of his cheeks; his fluffy hair sitting messily atop his head.

  
They hadn't been doing this long, yet Mew already felt himself tumbling towards climax. He wasn't going to last much longer, maybe it was the tiredness, or maybe it was the sight before him combined with the love he felt for the younger man. He couldn't really say.

  
N'Gulf was perfect, his beauty could never ever be captured, not even by the world's most renowned artists.

  
This view was his, only he got to see Gulf like this. He was aware of how fortunate he was, to be allowed this.

  
"I'm close, Nong."

  
In response, Gulf sucked harder, took more of his length into his mouth, until the head hit the back of his throat and his nose was pressed up against P'Mew's lower stomach. The older man had made him feel so good, it was only fair that he got off too. Phi had made Gulf come without taking care of himself plenty times, he deserved to feel good too. It wasn't fair that he'd have to go without, be ignored.

  
Not too long later, maybe another five or ten minutes, Phi attempted to stutter out a warning before warm, salty liquid released into his mouth. The taste was unpleasant, Gulf figured everyone's come would be pretty gross but it was P'Mew's, so he swallowed it down anyway.

  
"Fuck, I- thank you. Is there anything I can get you, is there anything you need from me?"

  
They settled back in bed for the final time that night, pressed together under the covers. It was warm, Gulf felt himself getting drowsy.

  
"I'm good Phi, thank you for tonight." Gulf looked at the man he loved and felt his heart swell at the look of adoration he saw in P'Mew's eyes. He felt so lucky to have met someone so caring, so good hearted, so full of love for him. He felt safe and content and he sighed happily as he snuggled closer to his boyfriend, pressing his face into the crook of Mew's neck and taking a deep breath in, smelling a comforting mix of Mew's regular cologne - aromatic and woody, with his natural scent. He felt Mew's arms wrap around him and felt at home. He though briefly that if a home was supposed to be the place you feel most safe, then his home was wherever P'Mew was.

  
"How about we try and get some sleep, hm? We have to be up early in the morning." Mew suggested, his voice low and soft.

  
"It sounds perfect Phi. I love you."

  
"I love you too, tua-aeng."

  
  
......

  
  
It was half past seven in the morning when Gulf was awoken by the constant beeping of their alarm. He wanted so badly to turn it off, to turn around and sleep for another few hours but that wasn't going to happen. They had somewhere they needed to be today. The realisation that today was the day he'd tell his parents about P'Mew hit so powerfully that suddenly, Gulf didn't feel sleepy anymore. He was too nervous to fall back into a hazy state of semi-consciousness.

  
"How are you feeling?"

  
"Nervous, what if it goes wrong?"

  
"I'll be there with you. I promise. It'll feel better, you know? When you get it all out. You'll feel so much lighter, it'll be like this huge weight will be lifted. They love you right?"

  
"Yeah, they do."

  
"Then I'm sure this won't change that, you're their son. They don't sound like bad people, I don't know but I'm sure that having a child feels like a miracle, it's possibly the most special thing humans can do, raise a child. You'll always be their boy, no matter who you love."

  
"Thank you, I love you so much."

  
"Phi loves you too. Always, I'll go make breakfast and give you a chance to shower and get dressed."

  
Mew wanted to make something special for breakfast this morning. He knew it would do little to ease Nong's mood but he hoped it'd cheer the younger man up at least a little. They had around an hour before they'd have to set off so Mew made them french toast, it wasn't as good as what they could get in their little cafe but it was as close as he'd ever get.

  
  
......

  
  
After they'd ate, P'Mew took a quick shower, got dressed himself and then they were on their way to Gulf's family home. He was still nervous but at this point, he'd resigned himself to the fact that this was really happening, there was no turning back. As time passed, he began to reach an acceptance, whatever the outcome of today would be, he'd always have Phi, Mild, everyone else he'd met back at university. It'd be okay. He'd never really be alone.

  
It was about an hour and a half's drive to Gulf's home from the university and as they were driving, Gulf found himself feeling sleeping, eventually dozing off. He must've slept for a while because when Phi woke him up, they were parked up on the land by his parent's house.

  
"Hey sweetheart, we're here now. Are you ready?"

  
"I am Phi, I'm ready."

  
It was now or never, he was ready to get this over with, to either find relief or face the consquences. It was better than being stuck with the fear, the uncertainty.

  
"C'mon then, I love you."

  
"I love you too, Phi."

  
They got out the car, headed up the short road to the building. Gulf's mother was standing by the entrance to the house, clearly waiting for her son to return home. It was pretty obvious there was no girl here with him, that the important person he'd mentioned in the messages was indeed a man.

  
"Welcome darling. Come in, your father is inside. We've been so excited to see you, it's been too long."

  
"I'm sorry, I'll visit more often. I promise." He hugged her and it felt nice, it was comforting. He had missed her, he'd missed everyone here while he'd been away. Despite being nervous, it did feel good to see his family again.

  
"Who have you brought with you?"

  
"I- I think you'll need to sit down, I'll explain everything inside."

  
"Gulf! Where's your girlfriend? Your mother said you'd bring her to visit." He took a deep breath, in a way it was better to tell them together, at least he'd only have to explain everything once.

  
"Yeah I- about that, dad can you- can you sit down?"

  
  
......

  
  
"So, I- there is no girlfriend-"

  
"I don't understand."

  
"Dad, please. Let me speak. There's no girlfriend, this is P'Mew, he's- he's the person I wanted to bring with me. He's someone very important to me. There's never gonna be a girlfriend because I- I- because I don't- I'm gay, okay? I like men."

  
The room fell silent for maybe a minute although it felt like a lifetime, Gulf was terrified, his eyes glued to his lap. The thought of looking up, seeing his parents’ faces, their reactions to the news was too much right now, he felt the tears that were threatening to slip down his face. Phi was by his side, his presence making Gulf feel mildly better. He couldn't imagine doing this alone.

  
"Oh darling, come here." His mum's voice was so full of love that Gulf lost it, he broke down, cried in his mother's arms. She stroked his back, and that combined with the familiar scent of her perfume helped to settle him. Mild had been right, P'Mew had been right too. He did feel lighter, better, like a weight had been taken away from him. 

  
"Gulf, son, it's okay. Please don't cry. Your mother and I love you, it's okay. It's okay." 

  
  
......

  
  
"How long have you known?" P'Mew was outside, with dad. Initially, Gulf hadn't wanted to be separated from the older man, but as he calmed down he realised that it was okay, that dad could talk to Phi and he could be comforted by his mother, could talk to her. He felt almost like a child as she hugged him, they'd separated now. He wasn't crying anymore.

  
"I knew when I was fifteen, there was this one boy at school. I- nothing ever happened, I barely even spoke to him but when I saw him, I knew I liked guys. I was scared of disappointing you. You and dad always asked about girlfriends, I was scared that you'd be upset if I told you that was never gonna happen."

  
"My darling boy. I'm sorry, we only wanted you to be happy but we made you feel too afraid to come to us about this. Please forgive us for that. We love you, and as long as he's good to you, he'll always be welcome in this house."

  
"It's okay, I do. Thank you, he is good, I love him."

  
A little while later, P'Mew came back into the living room with dad. They were laughing about something, they both seemed relaxed. It helped calm Gulf down further. 

  
"Hi, my name is Mew Suppasit, I'm sorry I haven't introduced myself until now. It's good to finally meet you." Gulf didn't know where all of Phi's confidence came from, but the older man seemed completely at ease as he introduced himself to Gulf's mother.

  
"It's good to meet you too, please do join us for dinner."

  
"Of course, I'd love to."

  
"Darling, why don't you show Mew around, hm? I'll call you when dinner is almost ready."

  
"Okay, c'mon. There's some nice places around here."

  
  
......

  
  
Once away from the house, Gulf heaved a sigh of relief. He felt physically lighter, could breathe easier now that the truth was out. His parents knew about his relationship with another man and still loved him, still accepted him. His mum had even said P'Mew was welcome to come here. 

  
Knowing that they also respected the man he loved comforted him further. He supposed, from a parent's perspective, a man like P'Mew was a good choice: he was intelligent, well educated; had a job and the prospect of a career in the very near future, he cared about about Gulf, loved him and respected him. Realistically, there was no reason for them not to accept the older man but Gulf was grateful nonetheless.

  
"I'm so proud of you, are you okay?"

  
"I am, I feel so good. You were right you know? It's like this huge weight has been lifted. It's nice, to know I'm not hiding anything from them now."

  
"They're good people, they love you a lot. Your dad told me some stories about you, about when you were younger. He was speaking so fondly, it's obvious how much he loves you. Thank you for taking me to meet them."

  
"I hope he didn't tell you anything embarrassing."

  
"No, he keeps a photo of you as a baby in his wallet. He showed me, you were cute."

  
They wandered around the town, it did feel good to be back. There were no crowds here, it was fairly quiet. In some ways it reminded Gulf of the spot in the park, it was peaceful, calming. When he was a child, he'd play on these streets until curfew; when he was a teenager, he'd hang around the playground behind the corner shop. It was a little run down and there was a newer, much nicer park that younger children would go to play so older kids tended to go there. He was disappointed to realise it was no longer here, had been completely removed. It was almost like it'd never existed. There were plenty other places he could take Phi to, he took him to the hill by the bus stop he used to get to school. From the top, you could see the ocean and it'd been a place Gulf would go when he needed a moment of peace. Phi seemed to like it here so they sat and talked until it was time to head back home.

  
  
......

  
  
"Should you really have sent them away?"

  
"I didn't send them away. I think they need a little time alone. We can talk to him properly when they get back. Giving them some space right now is the best thing to do. Gulf needed some time out of the house, to relax. He must've been stressed about this trip for a while. I know you want to talk to Mew more but darling, they'll be home soon. How did he seem when you spoke to him?"

  
"Well, he doesn't know much about football, and I'm pretty sure he grew up in the city-"

  
"Darling, I don't care what he knows about football."

  
"He's good, doing a PhD at Chula. He wants to become a professor. He really cares about Gulf. I don't think we need to worry, he's a good man with a good future, I'm sure of that.

  
"Oh wow, he must be a smart boy. Gulf really did choose wisely, I can't wait to talk to him, Gulf seems quite taken by him. He must really like him if he chose to bring him here, to tell us about them."

  
"How is Gulf?"

  
"He was upset at first, I wish I'd never asked about girlfriends, tried to arrange dates for him. I made him feel afraid to tell us about this, he's kept it to himself since he was just a child."

  
"You shouldn't blame yourself-"

  
"If I hadn't spoken to him like that, he wouldn't have been scared."

  
"Okay, maybe that's true but he's here right now, he's told us now and he knows we still love him. We can try and make things right by making them both feel welcome. Is the spare bedroom set up?"

  
"Of course it is, I prepared it yesterday. I wanted whoever he brought here to feel comfortable in our home. Could you call him? Dinner is almost done."

  
  
......

  
  
_"Your mum wants you to head back home son, dinner is almost ready."_

  
"Okay dad, we won't be long. I'll see you soon."

  
"That was dad, the food will be ready before long."

  
"We best get moving then. Thank you for showing me around, your town is lovey."

  
"I always thought it was kinda boring growing up, I guess it has some charm. Since living in a big city I think I appreciate the quiet a lot more than I used to. It's why I like your spot in the park so much, it's quiet."

  
As they all sat down to eat, Gulf's parents had a lot of questions. Fortunately, most of them were directed at Phi. Gulf had initially worried that they'd leave his boyfriend feeling overwhelmed but P'Mew was significantly more extroverted than he was, the older man seemed completely at ease as he answered their questions, told them stories about his own life. If anything, it was reassuring to see how much they liked him. P'Mew seemed to fit in just right. The more Gulf allowed himself to relax, the quicker dinner seemed to go.

  
"Thank you so much for the food, it was delicious."

  
"You're very welcome, Gulf I hope you'll bring him back again. He's very polite, you chose wisely."

  
"Mum, please."

  
"What? I mean it- oh! I haven't even shown you your room yet. I'll wash up then I'll take you up to where you'll be sleeping."

  
"I can help with washing the dishes, you cooked for us all. It's the least I can do."

  
"Your parents did a good job with you, so polite. You're a guest here though, I can't have you doing chores. Gulf and his father can make a start while I show you to your room, then you boys are free to spend the evening doing whatever."

  
After having spent a little time getting to know his parents, it was pretty clear they were as just as sweet as Gulf was. They were kind and although they had many questions, Mew could see they tried to hold back a little, so as not to bombard him. Gulf's mum had taken him upstairs, to the room at the end of the hall so that he could set his things down before leaving him by himself as she went to take over cleaning duties, freeing Gulf to come up and join him.

  
"You can sleep in my room tonight if you want you know?"

  
"I'm pretty sure they want me in here."

  
"They don't have to know."

  
"Nong, I don't want them to hate me."

  
"Please, they don't hate you. I think they like you more than any girl I could've brought home with me. I don't even know why I was so worried."

  
"Are you okay?"

  
"I am, I really am."

  
"Good, I'm happy."

  
"Do you wanna go to the beach. I don't have a curfew, as long as we're not back too late. It doesn't take that long to get there by car."

  
"I'd love to."

  
"C'mon then."

  
  
......

  
By the time they arrived, it was dark outside. The sky was so clear here, all the stars perfectly visible. The waves were gentle and they glittered with the reflection of the moon."

  
"It's so beautiful."

  
"Right? I used to love coming here when it got dark. It's one of the things I miss the most about home."

  
"I like this, I like your family. I hope we're together for a long time."

  
"Me too, do you think we'll still be together when we're the same age as our parents?"

  
"I'd like that a lot. I wanna be with you forever."

  
"Hm, me to."

  
"Who would've thought that me buying you a drink in a bar would lead to this, hm?"

  
"Not me, I'm so happy it did though. Thank you, I still don't know why you asked me out of all the guys there but I'm glad you did."

  
"I- you were the most handsome guy there. No one else came close."

  
"You don't have to flatter me, I'm already yours."

  
"I'm not trying to flatter you, just being honest."

  
They remained there for an hour before heading back. P'Mew pressed a chaste kiss against Gulf's mouth before they got out the car and walked the short distance to the house. 

  
"Did she show you where the bathroom is?"

  
"Yeah."

  
"Okay, well I hope you have a good sleep. I guess I'll see you in the morning."

  
"Good night Nong, I love you."

  
"I love you too, Phi."

  
Mew was so close to falling asleep, he'd been awake since seven this morning and despite it not being too late, he felt the tiredness creeping up on him. He allowed himself to begin drifting off when his phone chimed.

  
_**tua-aeng: phi, come to my room** _  
_**tua-aeng: can't sleep without u** _  
_**tua-aeng: pls** _

**Mew: which room is yours?**

_**tua-aeng: it's two down from urs** _  
_**tua-aeng: tell me when ur outside n i'll let u in so u knw it's the right room** _

  
Mew knew Gulf's parents had set up this room especially for him but Gulf couldn't sleep without him and he was pretty much powerless when it came to denying Nong of what he wanted in times like these, when the younger man needed him.

  
He got up and as quietly as he could manage, walked down the hallway to what he assumed must be Gulf's bedroom.

  
**_thirak: i'm outside now_ **

  
Gulf got the message and as soon as he did, opened the door to the man he loved. 

  
"Hm, this is better."

  
"I hope they won't mind me being in here."

  
"Why would they, we're not doing anything. Just sleeping, I couldn't sleep without you and it's gonna be a while before I see you again after you leave. Wanna spend as much time with you as I can."

  
“I'm here now sweetheart, let's get some sleep. It's been a long day, Phi's tired."

  
"Me too Phi, goodnight."

  
"Goodnight Nong." It wasn't long before he allowed himself to sleep.

  
  
......

  
  
Gulf woke up in P'Mew's arms. It was nice, so nice that he couldn't bring himself to care when he heard a knock on the door. It was ten am already.

  
"Yeah?"

  
"Can I open the door?"

  
They were both fully dressed in pyjamas, Gulf didn't see why not.

  
"Yeah, fine."

  
"Breakfast is ready darling, you dad and I are going to the market so whenever he wakes up, feel free to help yourselves. Just heat it up if you need to, okay?"

  
"You're not mad that he's here?"

  
"You're both adults Gulf. I set the spare room up so whoever you brought here would feel welcome but I don't care if he sleeps in here, as long as you respect our home."

  
"Thank you."

  
  
......

  
  
The next few days passed by quicker than Gulf wanted them to. Eventually, Phi had to leave but he made a promise that he'd message everyday, told Gulf to enjoy this time with his family, catch up with people he hadn't seen in a long time. 

  
Now that the scariest part of this trip was over, he actually found that he was looking forward to being home. He was excited to go to the markets with his parents, see old friends again, to go swimming again, be away from assignments and revision for a little while. P'Mew deserved to spend time with _his_ family too and so, after saying goodbye, Gulf didn't allow himself to sulk.

  
In a few short months, he and P'Mew would both be back in their own home but for now, he allowed himself to enjoy the space he'd grown up in. 

  
He remembered their conversation on the beach, they had a lifetime ahead of them. He looked forward to spending the rest of his years with Phi, he hoped they'd both live for a long time so that they could spend as much time as possible together. He thought about his parents' relationship, about how their love had survived multiple decades; had never weakened over time. He thought about how his dad would still buy his mum her favourite flowers from the market, how his mum still prepared his dad's favourite meals everyday, how they'd look at one another with so much love and fondness.

  
Maybe one day that could be him and P'Mew. He certainly hoped so.


End file.
